Bernanke is bloggin'; Lawmakers have their eye on SEC; "An Automatic Jell-O Shot Machine Is Coming To A Bar Near You"; and more.

Yahoo; Argentina; Banker prison; Airbnb offers bedroom submerged in Paris shark tank; and more.

$$$ Hopes for central bank action mount [FT] $$$ Mohamed El-Erian: "There is only so much central banks can do" [FT] $$$ Got Cash in Greek Banks? Don't Pull It! [NetNet] $$$ Hedge fund closures hit 2-year high in 1st quarter [Reuters] $$$ A "driven, even obsessive entrepreneur with a proclivity for micromanagement" who is unlikely to take his company public [NYTM] $$$ Also, bath salts [Spin] $$$ "Looking like Jesus can have a very powerful effect on people. When I appeared on stage as Jesus for the first time, a man saw me and collapsed into tears. Looking like this in daily life can be interesting. When I go into bars, for example, I always see people nudging each other. Invariably someone will come up to me with a bottle of water and ask me to turn it into wine. That happens a lot. I was on a date once in a wine bar, and we ended up with three tables joined together with everyone wanting to re-enact the Last Supper using the wine and the bread. It was strange, but fortunately the girl I was with thought it was fun." [FT] $$$ MetLife is looking for an associate director level credit derivatives trader in New Jersey [DBCC] $$$ In Motion, Facebook Lays Out Defense and Highlights Nasdaq’s Missteps [DealBook] $$$ Gupta Jurors Saw American Dream and Convicted [Bloomberg] $$$ The JPMorgan Whale’s regulatory motive [FTAV] $$$ "Can We Watch Some European Football Please?" asks Jim O'Neill [GSAM] $$$ The NFL will let fans pay for All-22 footage [WSJ] $$$ For one protester, 'Occupy' becomes a way of life [Reuters]

Bond trader bonuses down; SnapChat gets reality check; Bernanke talks easy money; "Groupon Is Selling a Clip-In Manbun"; and more.

Goldman faces mortgage suit; HSBC; How to tell if you're an asshole at the office; "Guy used his drone to deliver a packet of cigarettes straight to his window"; AND MORE.

Yellen says bring it on; Corbat pay falls; "Bar brawls give dentists a post-St. Patrick’s day surge"; AND MORE.

$$$ Dell Founder Said to Weigh Switching to Blackstone Offer [DealBook] $$$ Mortgage Securitizers Didn’t Know Housing Was Going Bust [WSJ] $$$ The case for Cypriot national equity [FTAV] $$$ BRICS Nations Plan New Bank to Bypass World Bank, IMF [Bloomberg] $$$ "Nestled in the shadow of the picturesque southern mountain range Macgillycuddy’s Reeks, home to Ireland’s three highest peaks, Kilgarvan is little more than a blink-and-you-miss-it blip on the busy road between the tourist towns of Killarney and Kenmare," but now you can drive drunk there [NYT] $$$ Sorry for today's technical difficulties. We expect things will be better tomorrow. If they're not, we'll probably be at Dealbroken, so check there too. $$$ Dudley gives first hints of slowing QE3 [FT] $$$ Bernanke Rejects Currency War Charges [WSJ] $$$ "Perhaps if we paid more money we’d have skilled associates." Instead you have bill padding. [DealBook] $$$ Tesla's Elon Musk tweets about big announcement for Thursday [CNET] $$$ "Hiring Richard Fuld is potentially so hazardous, he requires his own risk factor." [Overheard] $$$ The Most Expensive T-Shirt in New York City Costs $91,500.00 [The Awl]

$$$ Something something something "[Bernanke] must once again address whether there is more the Fed can do to get the economy going and whether it is worth taking chances on controversial new programs" [WSJ] $$$ Brussels pushes for wide ECB powers [FT] $$$ Google, Apple CEOs in secret patent talks [Reuters] $$$ Goldman is struggling to sell an ABS deal backed by Bob Dylan royalties, inspiring many FT jokes [FT] $$$ Chipotle caught STEALING pennies from hapless customers nationwide in deceptive receipt rounding scandal [Daily Mail] $$$ Kelly & Dylan finally get together [NYP] $$$ A bulge bracket bank in New York is looking for a senior internal audit manager [DBCC] $$$ Guy voting Republican [CNBC] $$$ Sharp Elbows Among Street Lawmen [WSJ] $$$ Citi is looking for a little more space [WSJ] $$$ "A 97-year-old message in a bottle found by Scottish fishermen in their catch has set the world record for spending the longest time at sea." [Bloomberg] $$$ Over 100 students in Harvard's "Intro to Congress" class are being investigated for cheating [Crimson]