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Write-Offs: 4.9.15

Dimon on next crisis; Kamunting Street Capital to shutter; Hedge fund machines cash in; "Grilled cheese fans have more sex, are better people: study"; and more.
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$$$Hedge fund machines cash in—again [NetNet / Lawrence Delevingne]

$$$Fannie Mae: Wall Street Journal Repeatedly Misstates Government Returns [ValueWalk]

$$$Dimon warns of volatility in next crisis [FT]

$$$Hedge Fund Kamunting Street Capital Shutting Down [WSJ]

$$$$70,000 worth of frozen bull semen stolen from Minnesota farm [UPI]

$$$Ackman, Allergan drop lawsuits tied to takeover battle [Dealbook]

$$$The Beauty and Logic of the Million-Dollar Car [Bloomberg]

$$$Grilled cheese fans have more sex, more adventure — and are better people: study [NYDN]

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