Ray Dalio says run for your lives; Greece is pissing people off; "Man uses M16 assault rifle to cook bacon"; AND MORE.

$$$ European Economic Outlook Dims Amid Leaders’ Impasse [NYT] $$$ U.S. Bank Lending Falls, Profits Rise [WSJ] $$$ Buffett’s Goldman Deal Is Topic in an Insider Case [DealBook] $$$ Study Finds Germans Incapable of Enjoying Life [Der Spiegel] $$$ This happened: New York nun asks Blankfein if he'll hire her, Blankfein says "I don't think I couldoutbid your current employer" #godswork— Tracy Alloway (@tracyalloway) May 24, 2012 $$$ Man who formerly claimed to be a "certified member of the quiet society of pimps" and asked to be certified as an expert witness in pimpology now says "I was a failure as a pimp. I was a much better car salesman, I was a much better telemarketer, I was much better when I was selling mortgages by phone. I really wasn't very good at it. A lot of it was exaggerated." [NYP, earlier] $$$ A leading electronic trading platform is looking for a CDS / fixed income sales associate [DBCC] $$$ Big European funds dump euro assets [FT] $$$ Facebook market makers' losses total at least $100 million [Reuters] $$$ This is some enjoyable Eliot Spitzer schadenfreude [Concurring Opinions] $$$ "The festival features 10 different types of bacon, plus all things bacon — bacon sausage, bacon meatballs, bacon doughnuts, bacon butterscotch cupcakes — even a walking slab of bacon! There’s a bacon-eating contest, bacon lectures and a bacon song contest — and yes, there’s a crowning of the Bacon Queen! Contestants are asked questions like their favorite memory of bacon, their favorite kind of bacon and their favorite way to cook bacon (the most common answer is “naked,” incidentally)." [CNBC] $$$ Unabomber lists self as ‘prisoner’ in Harvard directory [Boston Globe]

Grexit; Goldman; "Scientists create seaweed that tastes like bacon"; and more.

$$$ Banks’ M&A earnings drop to Lehman low [FT] $$$ Spain's crisis budget aims at spending cuts not tax rises [Reuters] $$$ There isn't really a Spanish deposit flight [FTAV] $$$ SEC Charges Investment Bank Analyst with Illegally Tipping College Friend About Nonpublic Merger Deals [SEC] $$$ Lawyer for Ex-Goldman Programmer Criticizes Prosecutors and Firm [DealBook] $$$ "Hedge Fund Pivot Joins BTG to Defy Bacon’s Investment Desert" is a real Bloomberg headline [Bloomberg] $$$ Canada cheese-smuggling ring busted [BBC] $$$ TCW is looking for a credit analyst in LA [DBCC] $$$ RIM's Earnings Beat Expectations; Shares Up 16% [WSJ] $$$ Geithner Urges an Overhaul of Rules on Money Market Funds [DealBook] $$$ SEC’s Gallagher Calls for Floating Price for Money Market Funds [Bloomberg] $$$ Mortgage rates are at all-time lows [CR] $$$ Houses on "Places" cost more than houses on "Streets" [Atlantic Cities] $$$ This happened [Twitter]

Bill Gross; George Soros; Phil Mickelson; Man takes leopard for casual walk on Russian street; and more.

Blackstone to pay huge dividend; Wall Street already betting on 2016; GoPro CEO is rich; "Police: Man on flakka claimed to be Thor, sexually assaulted a tree"; and more.

$$$ J.P. Morgan Suspends Share Buyback [WSJ] $$$ Bank of America's CEO 'Comfortable' With Investments [CNBC] $$$ Gupta ‘Threw Away His Duties,’ Prosecutor Says In Opening [Bloomberg] $$$ France, Germany Fail to Resolve Differences Over Euro Bonds [WSJ] $$$ U.S. lets China bypass Wall Street for Treasury orders [Reuters] $$$ MF Global's Corzine Got More Than $8 Million in Year Before Collapse [WSJ] $$$ S&P is looking for an associate to rate media and entertainment companies in Chicago - interested? [DBCC] $$$ "On average, for every additional 1% a company returned to shareholders between 2009 and 2011, the CEO was paid 0.6% more last year, the analysis found. For every 1% decline in shareholder return, the CEO was paid 0.6% less. ... In 2010, there was no correlation; for every 1% decrease in shareholder return, the average CEO was paid 0.02% more." [WSJ]$$$ Enron Ex-CEO Seeks Retrial On ‘New Evidence,’ Lawyer Says [Bloomberg] $$$ SEC move set to boost covered bonds in US [FT] $$$ With New Firepower, S.E.C. Tracks Bigger Game [DealBook] $$$ The New York Times printed a giant Gretchen Morgenson story about insider trading except there was no insider trading [Reuters / Felix Salmon, also Reformed Broker] $$$ Taxi Panel May Raise Fares Up to 20% [NYT] $$$ Gal claims she was 'too hot' to work in lingerie shop, forced to wear robe before getting boot: suit [NYP]

Carl Icahn says run for your lives; Charlie Gasparino reveals his safe word; "Motorist Eating Bowl Of Cereal Leads Ohio Police On 30-Mile High-Speed Chase"; and more.