Bond trader bonuses down; SnapChat gets reality check; Bernanke talks easy money; "Groupon Is Selling a Clip-In Manbun"; and more.

Spotify valued at $8.4 billion; Harvard Business School has a nice little side gig; Citi's top risk exec to exit; "Biden puts Bloomberg’s grandson’s pacifier in his mouth"; and more.

$$$ U.S. investigates whether JPMorgan traders hid losses [Reuters] $$$ Was JPMorgan's restatement actually an elaborate plot to get Ina Drew's comp clawed back? No? [Felix Salmon] $$$ Fed May Need To Begin New Asset Purchases, Lockhart Says [Bloomberg] $$$ Ex-Mets star Dykstra pleads guilty in bankruptcy fraud case [NYP] $$$ "You have to sit there in silence, and you just get up every day and beat your head against the wall," but for that (and ratting out Countrywide) they'll pay you $14.5 million [Reuters] $$$ Q&A: The Gourmand Behind New York's $666 'Douche Burger' [BW] $$$ Deutsche Bank is looking for a VP-level Group Finance COO business manager [DBCC] $$$ Spanish Bank Borrowing from ECB Surges [WSJ] $$$ Italy sells debt despite downgrade [FT] $$$ Visa, MasterCard in $6 Billion Settlement Over Surcharges [WSJ] $$$ Wealthy Homeowners Brace for 'Mansion Cliff' [CNBC!] $$$ Attention Cable and Satellite Subscribers: This Network Is Being Dropped Because Your Provider Is Being a Giant Douche [McSweeney's]

$$$ Fed Is 'Playing a Game With Us:' Pimco's Gross [CNBC] $$$ Bundesbank steps up pressure on Draghi [FT] $$$ Broker departures accelerate at Merrill Lynch [Reuters] $$$ The head of credit trading at Credit Suisse has been fined £210,000 for disclosing confidential information about a forthcoming €2.5bn bond issue after inviting a UK fund manager to “play charades” and guess the identity of the issuer. Nicholas Kyprios encouraged a fund manager who had been invited by Credit Suisse to a roadshow in November 2009 for an unnamed company to guess the issuer, using phrases like “you’re getting warmer”, the Financial Services Authority said. [FT] $$$ How would you like to be a Fixed Income Business Management Analyst for BlackRock in New York? [DBCC] $$$ Goldman Hires a New P.R. Chief $$$ Euro Zone Split over Financial Transaction Tax [Der Spiegel] $$$ Fred Wilpon's lawyers have planned a whole range of distractions for their Madoff trial [WSJ, related] $$$ Robert Lacoursiere, the Paulson & Co. partner who oversaw the $23 billion hedge fund’s team of banking analysts, quit last week after four years to start his own fund, according to a person with knowledge of the matter. [Bloomberg] $$$ Manhattan madam's 'sidekick' turns herself in, released on $100K bail [NYP]

$$$ FBI Launches Criminal Inquiry Into Heinz Options Trading [WSJ] $$$ Herbalife Fourth-Quarter Profit Tops Analysts’ Estimates [Bloomberg] $$$ Greenlight shows 'likelihood of success' against Apple -judge [Reuters] $$$ One problem with paying interest on excess reserves is that you pay interest on excess reserves [FT] $$$ Blavatnik hits out at ‘arrogant’ JPMorgan [FT] $$$ "I use psychoanalytic theory to argue that the malevolent object of [Occupy Wall Street's] critique is the father, who, in fulfillment of the paternal function, forces socialization upon us. The world of artificial images is culture, seen from the standpoint of alienation. Their alternative, rooted in their authenticity, with themselves as models, doesn't amount to much." [SSRN via Bainbridge] $$$ "'If you want to protect yourself get a double barrel shotgun, you don't need an AR-15,' Biden said, referring to a type of semi-assault weapon. 'You don't need an AR-15, it's harder to aim, it's harder to use...buy a shotgun. Buy a shotgun.'" [TPM] $$$ A leading hedge fund administrator is seeking a project manager / business analyst [DBCC] $$$ OfficeMax, Office Depot in Talks to Merge [WSJ] $$$ Is Linn Energy ponzi-ish? [Bronte Capital] $$$ Institutional buyers jostle for position in new infrastructure debt market [Euromoney] $$$ Multimillion Diamond Heist at Brussels Airport [WSJ] $$$ A guy wrote a book that, unlike every other book, "paints a picture of a fast-moving, high-stakes, ego-fueled market controlled by a handful of traders. The champagne flowed when profit was strong, he said, but heads rolled over a single miscalculation." [DealBook] $$$ "[W]e are very well-versed in the legend of the power breakfast, but we will enhance it with our own culture ...” [NYP]

$$$ The Einhorn burrito taste test [Felix Salmon] $$$ Mortgage prepayment rates highest since 2005 [CR] $$$ Do you think Harvard Business School will ever again send less than 30% of its graduates to the financial industry? [NetNet / John Carney] $$$ "What’s America’s FICO score? One analyst tries to find out" for some reason [MW] $$$ Chelsea Clinton loved working at her parents' friend's hedge fund because it was "fiercely meritocratic," but left because money "wasn’t the metric I wanted to judge my life by in a professional sense." [Bloomberg] $$$ SQUIRREL HATS [Onward State] $$$ A large global corporate and investment bank is looking for a credit analyst in New York [DBCC] $$$ EU Banks Face Tougher Capital Requirements [WSJ] $$$ Grassley Turning Up Heat on Geithner Over LIBOR Scandal [FBN] $$$ Report: Wall Street is pricing in a 2012 Democratic victory [WonkBlog] $$$ The Glory Days of Currency Trading Are Over: HSBC [CNBC] $$$ Police seize 660 barrels of syrup possibly linked to Quebec maple heist [Globe & Mail]

$$$ ECB thinks the unthinkable, action likely weeks away [Reuters] $$$ Private equity assets hit record $3tn [FT] $$$ Economy Tests Harvard [WSJ] $$$ Guy seeks attention by pretending he manipulated Libor [Boston Review, related] $$$ Chivalry On Sinking Ships Only A Myth, Researchers Find [Bloomberg] $$$ Macquarie Research is looking for a REIT research associate in New York [DBCC] $$$ A Berlusconi Comeback Is Last Thing Italy Needs [Bloomberg] $$$ Here you will find a Fox Business segment on The Decathlon featuring an NBA vs. Wall Street vertical jump contest [FBN] $$$ Here you will find an argument for replacing the uncomfortable business metaphor "opening the kimono" with "putting a ruler to the dick" [Mathbabe] $$$ "Many scientists don’t like to talk about shark sex," but some do [LRB]

$$$ Spain reveals €100bn capital flight [FT] $$$ Spain Says It Has Months to Raise Bank-Bailout Funds [WSJ] $$$ Market Braces for What Could Be Another Weak Jobs Report [CNBC] $$$ Goldman’s Cohn Warns Of Poaching Risks From Further Cuts [Bloomberg] $$$ Larry Fink's hedge-fund-manager son Josh isn't having a great time of it [AR-Alpha] $$$ "T. Boone Pickens, who apparently follows Drake on Twitter, sure isn't [impressed], replying 'The first billion is a helluva lot harder' with a mic-drop retweet." [Gizmodo] $$$ RAND Corporation is looking for a business analyst in Santa Monica [DBCC] $$$ Blankfein Expected to Testify at Gupta Trial [WSJ] $$$ JPMorgan CIO Swaps Pricing Said to Differ From Bank [Bloomberg] $$$ Felix Salmon is in a fight with a startup that has "has the best part of $300,000 in interest-free financing repayable at a time of its choosing in underwear." [Reuters] $$$ "'They signed off on their messages with LOL — laughing out loud,' Police Commissioner Ray Kelly said. 'Well, there was a person who was laughing out loud. That was Police Officer Michael Rodrigues of the 77th Precinct.'" [NYP] $$$ Try "the Douche Burger, a $666 edible fiscal disaster that piles caviar, lobster & truffles on top of a foie-stuffed, gold-leaf-wrapped Kobe patty, smothers it with Gruyere melted with Champagne steam, and finishes it off with BBQ sauce made using Kopi Luwak coffee that's passed through the digestive tract of the Asian Palm Civet, explaining why it 'may not taste good, but will make you feel rich as f*ck.'" [Thrillist via Copyranter]