Business Insider To Wall Street Interns: Stay The F*ck Out Of The Hamptons, Bro

If there is one piece of advice to follow about how to land a job on Wall Street this summer... you might as well follow this one, cuz why not.
Author:
Publish date:
Updated on

For those with keen eyes, the streets of Manhattan are increasingly filled with shiny loafers, sensible skirts and newly-pressed khakis. The wearers of these garments look somehow fresher and more alert than the average New Yorker, but behind those eyes is a perceptible, roiling emotional cauldron of unbridled hope and near-crippling fear.

The Wall Street interns have arrived, y'all.

And so it falls to the Bible of DadBros to step into the void and speak directly to NYC's newest and greenest residents, giving them the kind of pertinent, insidery advice that will take them directly from a windowless cube to the corner office.

Take it away, Business Insider:

We've heard this so many times, and we feel the need to share it again with the incoming class of Wall Street interns.
One great piece of advice any banker/hedge funder will give to the new recruits isn't what they will want to hear.
Don't go to the Hamptons.

You heard them, interns. For the love of all that is good and holy, stay the hell out of the East End of Long Island.

Your skin is turning grey from hours spent doing grunt work for a senior analyst who left for Amagansett hours ago? Tough sh*t! Find a fire escape in Kip's Bay and just lie there like the fish you are.

"You don't want to be in the Hamptons. How are you going to be working on Monday? You have 8 weeks to prove yourself. It's insane! We had an intern last year, and the guy was on call 24/7," one hedge fund portfolio manager, who also spent many years working at a bulge bracket bank, told us.

You want in a bulge in your bracket, kid? Then try Far Rockaway on Friday, cuz Bridgehampton ain't for you.

Another senior-level banker told us that even he doesn't go to the Hamptons because of his busy schedule.

Look, these guys will even lie about their own schedule to make a point about how much you should not entertain the idea of going as far as Fire Island until the first week of next semester.

BI is here to help. Don't make them hurt by not listening.

See, this summer isn't about meeting your frat brothers at the Blue Parrot to compare notes on Blackstone versus Barclays, it's about being "available."

Right, BI?

One way to think about an internship is that it's essentially a several-week long interview. You want to be a standout amongst your fellow interns (in a good way, of course). That means you need to make yourself available and work extra hard. Get in early. Stay late. And kick butt at your job. Yes, some firms have limits on the hours that you can work these days, but you need to be there when you can. 

Just because financial firms have capitulated to embraced the idea of not working cheap labor like a farm mule doesn't mean that you can't kick your own ass, dummy.

If you need to see a beach, there's Coney Island.

If you need to soak in a pool, there's one in Red Hook.

If you need to rub elbows with the rich and famous, you don't need to rub elbows with the rich and famous.

Just don't you dare let BI see your eyes drifting wantonly towards the on-ramp of the LIE.

The Hamptons are not for you, intern. They are for the "real people" of Wall Street.

So don't let any BI interns catch you on The Jitney.

Enjoy your summer.

The best advice no Wall Street summer intern wants to hear [BI]

Related