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Steve Cohen Evicts Beloved Pet Pig That Had Been Living In His House Like A Member Of The Family (But Don't Worry, There Was A Going Away Party)

No, really.
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As longtime Dealbreaker readers know, hedge fund manager Phil Falcone has a pet pig who can play the piano. Falcone's wife, Lisa Maria, mentioned this to W magazine back in 2010, and for the past number of years, we've written about Wilbur Falcone as though she was much more than just a pet.

We made her not just a member of the Falcone family but one of Phil's closest advisors who lost her shit when the Harbinger founder made a number of of mistakes that began with borrowing money from a gated fund to pay personal taxes and ended with him being banned from the securities industry for five years. (She was similarly livid over Lightsquared, a cockamamie idea if she'd ever heard one.)

We gave her a backstory that involved working at gentlemen's club called Bottom’s Up down by the Seaport, where she met Phil and Lisa on Valentine's Day, 2007. Boris, the owner who was a pig in every sense of the word, had finally consented to letting her play the piano that sat unused next to Stage 3 and as she hit the crescendo of “Luck Be A Lady", there they were: the prince and his princess, ravishing in a pair of gold sandals and a makeshift gladiator outfit fashioned from cut up Hefty bags.

We said things moved fast and after weeks of pleading on the Falcones' part--"What’s there to think about," Phil pressed one night. "You already feel like family to us."-- Wilbur agreed to move in with them.

We said that she quickly got used to the lifestyle Phil's salary afforded her-- silk muumuus, a tab at Bergdorf's, a man servant-- and when his seemingly endless series of bad business decisions threatened that lifestyle, she did not take it well.

We said at the low point of their relationship, she called animal control on him.

We said after everything, he came up with a plan to win back her trust.

Meanwhile, up in Connecticut, this was actually happening:

Multiple sources tell us that SAC Capital and Point72 Asset Management founder Cohen, worth $11.4 billion, has been keeping an obese oinker named Romeo at his sprawling Connecticut estate, where the spoiled swine lived in the house and even had his own room. But — as wild as this sounds — Romeo got a little too porky for Cohen’s 35,000-square-foot, 30-room mansion. Weighing in at over 150 pounds, the pampered pig has just been posted to a vegan animal rescue facility in Florida. One source who saw the mogul with his hallowed hog before it was exiled said, “Their pet pig was like a member of the Cohen family. Romeo had a room in their house. He was treated like the king of the house, but he got too big, and was sent to a sanctuary in Florida. They even threw a leaving dinner for him.” It is not clear if Romeo traveled by private jet to his Florida farm...Romeo started out as a pet for Cohen’s seven kids, but grew to become a member of the family. The source added, “Most people get one of those Vietnamese teacup pigs, but Romeo is the size of a German Shepherd who has eaten too much.”

Will Wilbur and Romeo's paths cross this summer, in the Hamptons or points unknown? Will they hate each other at first, until they realize their lives aren't so different? Stay tuned.

Hedge fund billionaire ships off overweight pet pig [NYP]


Who Wants To Adopt Anna Gristina's Pigs?

Back in March, a woman named Anna Gristina was arrested for allegedly running a whorehouse out of an East 78th Street apartment, with plans to go global. In that time, we've learned a good bit about Gristina (who goes by Anna Scotland professionally), who currently remains incarcerated on Riker's Island. For instance, at the time of her arrest, she was meeting with a friend and broker who was supposedly helping her line up financing to expand the venture (which she maintains was an upscale dating site), she paid her hookers well, and she was an animal lover. Emphasis on the past tense because apparently anyone can be an animal lover until push comes to shove and mommy needs money for legal fees. Then it's good-bye lush accommodations upstate, hello slaughterhouse. An accused Upper East Side brothel boss is so hard up for cash that she’s had to evict most of the pigs she keeps in her upstate home to save money while she remains locked up in jail on $2 million bond. The family of accused madam Anna Gristina, who’s got a soft spot for porkers, has sent away all but two of the seven rescue pigs she keeps in order to save the hundreds of dollars per month she spends in upkeep for them at her Orange County farm, her husband said yesterday. “My son was really upset,” Gristina’s hubby Kelvin Gorr said of the decision to relocate those hogs to two other farms. “He was crying,” Gorr said of the boy, 9-year-old Nicholas. “Anna, too, was upset,” the real-estate agent Gorr said. “But there’s nothing we can do.” But Gorr assured, “They’re not going to be eaten.”blockquote> Oh really? That's interesting because most people wouldn't make a claim like "they're not going to be eaten" without explaining what WILL happen to them instead, unless you are prevaricating in flagrante. So. Apparently it falls to us. If anyone has an interest in taking in one of these pigs, speak up now. Lest the idea cross your mind that a certain hedge fund manager will be opening his doors, let me stop you right there-- there's no room at that inn.

Lisa Maria Falcone Had A Less Than Great Labor Day Weekend

It's no secret that one of our favorite hedge fund wives is Lisa Maria Falcone. Whether she's imploring bitches to throw their hands in air, hiring little people for her twin daughters' birthday party, spooning her pet pig, or simply flitting about town in outfits that go from gladiator chic to deconstructed "Like A Virgin," the woman is her own special brand of fabulous. LMF started keeping a considerably lower profile once her husband Phil's hedge fund hit a streak of bad luck though we always knew she'd be back. Unfortunately, we'd hoped the woman who does what she wants, haters of the Upper East Side be damned, would return with the news her production company was putting the finishing touches on Wilbur Falcone's debut album and not this: 2:25 p.m., 48-year-old Lisa Marie Falcone of Manhattan crashed her vehicle at the corner of Montauk Highway and Hayground Road in Bridgehampton, police said. She was found to be to be under the influence of alcohol and prescription medication, police said. Falcone...was charged with driving while intoxicated. Listen, lady: Throwing back a few cocktails when your closet is having two-for-one happy hour is one thing but getting loaded up on booze and pills and going for a drive is quite another. You could have hurt someone or yourself and then Phil would've had to raise Wilbur on his own. Is that what you want? 2 Charged With DWI Crashes in Hamptons [Long Island Press, mugshot via BI]