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The State Of California Will Have To Pry Bill Gross's 90 Minute Long Showers From His Cold, Lifeless Hands

The bond manager apparently has a transcendent shower and if anyone thinks he's gonna give that up because of a little drought in California, they oughta think again!
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As you may have heard, California is currently in a bit of a crisis re: water, or lack thereof. Governor Jerry Brown has asked residents to do their part during this record drought and slash their water usage by at least 25%, through various measures which include but are not limited to not watering one's grass for 15 hours a day and spending slightly less time in the shower. As for the latter, Bill Gross, of the Laguna Beach Bill Grosses, has just one thing to say and that's "Step off, b*tch."

Gross, you see, has the world's greatest shower and nobody but nobody is going to keep him out of it. Naturally, he expounded on the virtues of said shower in his latest investment outlook. article in the impeccably objective Wall Street Journal claims that the water consumption for one pound of almonds is equivalent to 50 five minute showers, so I’m not giving up my shower for a bag of almonds. It’s here, though, where I have to do a little bragging. Some people will talk about having the world’s greatest dog or their newborn baby who slept through the night during the first week. But Sue and I have something very different. We have the world’s greatest shower. To be quite candid, it’s not the water, the temperature, the simple knobs, or even the shower head that makes it the best; nor is it the combination of all four. The key to our shower in fact, is not the actual experience of hot water on a 98.6° body at all. It’s the view; our shower has the world’s greatest view. The scenery from it is so gorgeous that when we sell our home, we may list the shower separately and see if it attracts an offer higher that the rest of the house. If not, we’ll just sell the house with a shower “easement” and continue to come in and out from the street every morning at 6:00 a.m

In fact, he's considering having his Bloomberg Terminal retrofit with a waterproof covering, which would allow him to stay in the shower all damn day.

It Never Rains In California [Janus]


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