Happy Humpday, Everything Is Broken!

Time to get the gold from under your mattress and head over to your weird uncle's cabin.

Hope you're not trying to travel The Friendly Skies...

Or, like, trade stocks and keep the economy rolling...

Or read that news on the Wall Street Journal's website, which looks like this:

Enjoy your afternoon of cyber-security hot takes!


BlackBerry Spends $425 Million To Acquire Rival/Prove It Is Still Alive

An acquisition and a proof of life all rolled into one!

(Getty Images)

Like Many Women Before Her "Fearless Girl" Is Sticking Around, But In A Different Part Of Wall Street...And In A Less-Defined Role

Everyone's favorite statue is getting a taste of what life is like for many outspoken women on Wall Street.

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Yahoo Verizon Deal Is Either Done or "Done"

We're gonna hear something soon, but the SEC might be helping the buyer.


The WSJ Wants To Remind You Anthony Scaramucci Is The Trump Advisor Who Was Fired By Goldman Sachs

The Journal's report on the Mooch's new job is a weird masterclass on trolling from a very unlikely source.

Amazon Publicly Reignites Two-Month-Old, Mostly Forgotten, Feud With NY Times

Jay Carney needs to put down that yellowing copy of The Times from August, make like "Frozen" and let it go.