Jeb Bush's Appeal To Silicon Valley Closely Resembles That Time Your Mom Got An iPhone

Ease back on the early-adapter dad stuff, Jeb!
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With Hillary Clinton bemoaning the dangers of the "gig economy" and Bill de Blasio going full hack-block on Uber in NYC, Democrats are increasingly looking like they don't want to be the Silicon Party.

One person that seems to be keenly observing this moment is Jeb! Bush, who has taken pains in the last week to get down with all things tech economy. Instead of looking to rein in the on-demand tech scene, Jeb! is moving fast to embrace them and show that there is some cool sh!t going on with the homies on the right.

Unfortunately for Jeb!, his approach to looking cool ends up looking like this:

From the "I can haz AppleWatch?" pose to the desperate hashtagging, Jeb!'s overall approach to making nice with the tech community is a bit much.

We're not saying that trying to make Republicans into the party of the techies is a bad idea, but aggressive courtship is not going to work. Mike Huckabee is not going to gain traction by selling homemade "Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve" throw pillows on Etsy, and something tells us that Donald Trump is not a natural ally of Airbnb.

But there is all that money. Jeb! is still the presumptive candidate of Wall Street, but many in the financial sector are still sweet on their old huggable buddy Chris Christie, while some have taken a shining to the bland anti-regulation whiteness that is Scott Walker. Until he proves to Wall Street that he can outlast the other 234 candidates in the primary, Jeb! will look to build a quorum of wealthy backers in another industry.

It might as well be tech.

But if that's gonna happen Jeb!, you need to stop proving that you have zero chill. Tech is cool, man, so put down the Google Glass and go party in Venice Beach with the bros over at Snapchat.

They will literally erase any evidence that you were ever there.

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