Skip to main content

John Paulson Can Stop Dreaming About That Cabinet Job In The Trump White House

You can cross Paulson's name off the short list for Treasury Secretary of Trumperica.

As we all know, venal New York City-based contractor and assumptive President-Elect of The United States, Donald Juarez Trump has spent considerable time putting together a short list of Wall Street types with which he will create the most experienced and luxurious cabinet ever.

That sound you hear is fingers crossing in C-Suites across Manhattan. From Dimon to Blankfein, everyone is praying that they 'll be considered for a gig in a gold-plated West Wing office.

But one guy can give up now.

We're looking at you John Paulson.

Oh you know what you did.

You see, we now know that President Trump is a stock picking, hedge fund investing, human profit machine who makes billions in his sleep. Everything he touches turns into money.

Look at this guy's investments!

Well, everything except the just over $10 million that Trump has invested across three Paulson & Co. funds.

Look at this unsightly blemish:

Screen Shot 2016-08-05 at 12.02.27 PM

What the f*ck, John?

It's almost as if you don't even want to leave your massive investment operation to be Treasury Secretary under the greatest jobs president ever born.

Harvard is going to be so disappointed in you.



John Paulson And Donald Trump Had A "Fireside Chat" About Economic Policy Because Nothing Makes Sense Anymore

Just when you thought things couldn't get any more absurd, John Paulson lets Donald Trump lecture him on debt.


John Paulson Lands Spot On Trump Economic Team Despite Having Lost Donald All That Money

Or, how we learned that Mr. Trump likes having a lot of Steves around.


Donald Trump's "Business Acumen" Might Be Rubbing Off On John Paulson

We're not even sure if this counts as schadenfreude anymore.


Hedge Funders Backing Trump Are Hedging On Giving Him Actual Money

Turns out GOP candidates polling behind in Missouri are a risky investment.

President Trump Is So Over "Hedge Fund Guys"

It's like these hedge fund guys have so much money that it's coming out of their "wherevers."

Barry Diller Will Become A Partisan Guerilla In President Trump's America

Looks like we can cross Barry off the list for that "Secretary of The Interior brought to you by Tinder" gig.


John Paulson Obviously Thinks President Trump Is All About That Trade With China Life

JP is moving money like he knows something about his homeboy Trump and "Gyna."