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Matt Levine: @GSElevator Author's Book Is Mostly Terrible, Unless You Want To Be John LeFevre

The next generation of people who want to treat maids poorly and sh*t on planes will enjoy this piece of literature!
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John LeFevre, he of a twitter handle that once purported to be brought to us live from an elevator at Goldman Sachs, has written a book based on said twitter handle, @GSElevator. Is it good? According to Matt Levine's review over at Bloomberg Businessweek, not so much! Well, if you've never in your life read, heard, or witnessed firsthand stories about bankers, brokers, or financial services hacks doing things with hookers, blow, or hookers and blow, and can get past the "strenuously bro-y" writing, Straight to Hell: True Tales of Deviance, Debauchery, and Billion-Dollar Deals might be of some interest. Plus, "the bond market stories are pretty good." But: don’t want to read about bond deals. You want drugs and hookers. LeFevre delivers them with overwhelming force. He and his buddies are drunk seemingly every night and most afternoons. They blow a year’s bonus on a week in Saint Tropez. They make PowerPoint presentations to rank the hotness of their female colleagues. They have hotel staff kick prostitutes—sorry, “love monkeys”—out of bed for them. They scream at maids for throwing out cocaine. Genitals touch things genitals shouldn’t touch. LeFevre pays a hooker in hotel minibar bottles, crashes a Maserati, and poops on a small plane. It gets a little tedious.

In addition to the repetitiveness of the tome, Matt is also worried that LeFevre's book will spawn millions of baby LeFevres:

LeFevre feeds the public’s hunger for proof that Wall Street is full of degenerate sociopaths, while also glamorizing that degeneracy. Those inclined to hate bankers will have their suspicions confirmed. Those inclined to whoring and cocaine will see a career opportunity. The rest of us—including many bankers—might worry that the worst bits of Wall Street’s culture are being passed down to the next generation. Teenage boys at Choate will want to be investment bankers after reading Straight to Hell. Which is probably the point.

A New Wall Street Memoir Full of Hookers, Cocaine, and Other Cliches [BloombergView]


Half A Dozen Former Goldman Partners Will Be Forced To Fight The Urge To Attend Greg Smith's Book Signing Next Week*

Something you may have picked up on is that next week, Grand Central Publishing will release Why I Left Goldman Sachs: A Wall Street Story, by former employee Greg Smith. Should you buy the book? That depends on you ask. Some people, like the ones who made Smith famous, say no. Others, like those who enjoy vivid descriptions of a naked Lloyd Blankfein and edge-of-your-seat ping pong matches, would probably say yes. One group of people who'd prefer you save your money? Goldman Sachs. As previously mentioned, the bank embarked on a Discredit Greg Smith tour last month which has involved equating him with a first or second or third-year analyst who thinks people care about all the crazy stuff he was privy to when in fact it wasn't crazy and no one does; leaking unflattering performance reviews that suggest he was "unrealistic" about his abilities and earnings potential; and generally painting a picture of someone who was a nobody at the firm ("My first reaction [to hearing about his Op-Ed] was, who is he," the firm's head of HR told Bloomberg TV this morning), who wrote his book out of spite for not receiving the bonus he thought he deserved, and whose claims re: The Firm should not be trusted. For the most part, a number of people-- from current to former employees to those familiar but not intimately familiar with Goldman-- have concurred with their assessment of young Greg. Of course, every now and then you have some individuals who speak out of turn and who should probably consider sleeping with one eye open. There are a lot of people who acknowledge these things internally, but no one is willing to say it publicly,” Smith, who was a vice president when he left Goldman Sachs, said in the “60 Minutes” interview. “And my view was the only way you force people to change the system is by saying it publicly.” Seven former Goldman Sachs partners and managing directors, positions that are more senior than vice president, said in March interviews that Smith shouldn’t be taken seriously because he was a junior employee and may have been disgruntled about his pay or career. All asked not to be identified because they didn’t want to risk ruining their relationship with the firm. Six of the seven said they agreed with Smith’s criticism of how the firm has treated clients under Chief Executive Officer Lloyd C. Blankfein, 58, and President Gary D. Cohn, 52, and that current members of the management committee would, too. Even so, they said they don’t expect the board of directors to take action or that anything will change because the bank has made money and outperformed most rivals. What? He shouldn't be trusted because of X, Y, Z but, having said that, he does make some excellent points? Do you hear yourself talking? This is what happens when you don't stick to the script! Goldman Sachs Op-Ed Wasn’t a ‘Betrayal,’ Smith Tells 60 Minutes [Bloomberg] *And will lucky if they're not eating out of feeding tubes..

Goldman Sachs Wants To Be Your Friend

And to show how serious it is about being your friend, here, have a macrame bracelet.

Matt Taibbi Is Disappointed In Wall Street

The next hedge fund manager to invest in Apple gets a horse semen pie to the face. ...all those super-rich people who turned to hedge funds with their millions in the hopes that bunches of Whiz-Kids from Wharton and Harvard and Yale would find unseen and wildly creative investment ideas to fatten their fortunes – all those rich clients are actually finding out now that those same Whiz Kids are buying Apple just like the rest of us [...] Jesus. After all that craziness in the last decade or so, after MF and the London Whale and all that nuttiness, this is what it comes down to? These guys are buying Apple? Couldn't we have just started off doing that and saved ourselves all that trouble? [...] Someday we'll get back to the time when the really smart guys from the best schools went to work for companies that built actual products, engineered more efficient cars, cured diseases, etc. Because it seems like our best minds kind of suck at investing. More Evidence That Wall Street Is Overpaid [TAIBBLOG]