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Maybe Steve Cohen Can't Sell His Penthouse Because It's Haunted By Ghosts Of Insider Traders Past: Guy

Sure, let's go with that.
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As those of you who keep close tabs on all things Steve Cohen know, the Big Guy has been having a spell of bad luck when it comes to real estate over the last several years. His East 58th Street penthouse has sat on the market for over two years and gone from an original asking price of $115 million to, after three reductions, a practically-giving-it-away ask of $79 million. Brokers have been fired, replaced, and likely advised to enter the witness protection program. Excuses have been thrown out there re: why the place hasn't sold: it's far from the park; it has no private outdoor space; and so on and so forth. Meanwhile, similar properties in new construction have been snapped up for $100 million plus. So at 79, it's becoming a real head scratcher as to what Cohen has to do to unload the condo, and why there's been nary a (seriously) interested buyer so far. Inexplicable to most, many have resigned themselves to the fact that sometimes there are no answers, and we'll just have to accept that. The Post, however, has finally come up with a credible theory, from a source not afraid to go out on a limb:

“The lack of a buyer might be because some feel the place might have some bad karma or be jinxed because of his SAC troubles.”

The person familiar with the matter of jinxes doesn't go into further detail, but surely a weekend spent in the space would reveal that:

• The profile of Mathew Martoma, he of the largest insider trading scam ever during his time at SAC Capital, can be seen in one's morning bowl of cereal

• Steve's ex-wife Patricia is often heard whispering, "That bastard owes me money," typically every 32nd time the doorbell is rung (because that's what happens in truly haunted houses, it's never creepy at all hours, it's like these rare occasions, to drive the inhabitant crazy)

• The carefully hung dresses in the walk in closet rustle back and forth, particularly the Herve Leger numbers, in a way that you just know means Ping Jiang is in there somewhere

• After steamy showers, Preet Bharara can be seen in the master bathroom mirror, pointing and saying "One false move and it's 5 to 7 years," before "I'm watching you" is spelled out in handwriting eerily similar to that of the U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York

Billionaire furious he can’t sell ‘jinxed’ Manhattan apartment [NYP]

Earlier: Steve Cohen’s Apartment Basically Affordable Housing At This Point


Steve Cohen Cuts The Price Of His Midtown Apartment To "F*ck You, Now You Can't Have It" Dollars

He's not going to be reduced to begging (any more than he already has).

Steve Cohen's Apartment Basically Affordable Housing At This Point

And yet no one will make him an offer, despite slashing $36 million off the original asking price. $36 million, people! Who does he have to screw around here to at least get a dialogue going?

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