We all kind of knew that venal New York City-based contractor Donald Juarez Trump was not going to be very happy after Bloomberg reported that his claim to be worth more than $10 billion was incorrect. And we knew he was probably going to "Trump out" after they reported that he was worth a paltry $2.9 billion.
What we didn't expect - even though we really should have - is that El Donaldo would make the whole affair into a personal thing between himself and Michael Bloomberg.
You guys want to hear what it's like when one adult man billionaire gets his feeling hurt by another adult man billionaire whom the first billionaire thought was like totally his friend but turned out to be like a back-stabbing skank?
Here's what the presumptive President-Elect had to say to The Daily Mailabout a news organization reporting on his personal wealth, and gird you loins because it is Trump as sh!t.
'I'm worth MUCH more than $10 billion,' a confident Trump told DailyMail.com on Wednesday in his Manhattan office.
'They did it on purpose,' the Republican presidential candidate said of Tuesday's Bloomberg story. 'I think they're a disgrace. And the next time I see Michael [Bloomberg] I'm not going to be so nice.'
This is peak Trump. By using Bloomberg's first name and pretending that he thinks "Michael" gave an editorial blessing to stories published on Bloomberg, Trump is creating a false air of familiarity with both the man and his company. It's total horsesh!t, but it sets up a beautiful launchpad from which to launch an attack like this.
'I'm surprised at Michael,' he said Wednesday. 'I like Michael so much. But Bloomberg has treated me more dishonestly than probably any other outlet.
'If they're as inaccurate with their other financial reporting as they are on my kind of stuff, and the way they cover me politically I wouldn't have one of their little screens. I wouldn't waste my money on it.'
That is what we call a Trump jab, and it must be followed by the Trump hook.
Here it is.
'And I think bad things will happen for Bloomberg because the quality of their reporting is so bad. I say that with Michael being a friend of mine.'
Trump says the former New York City mayor now has a jealous streak.
'Now maybe Michael told them to do it,' Trump said, ending his crescendo on a full stop.
'Maybe he did, because he always wanted to do what I'm doing.'
That's right folks, according to El Donaldo, the former three-term Mayor of New York City and wildly successful media mogul Michael Bloomberg is just jealous.
Now, whether you find that funny because using Trump's accounting Bloomberg is more than three times as wealthy as him, or if you find it funny because using everyone else;s accounting he's ten times as wealthy, we can all agree that it's f*cking hilarious.
But the laughs don't stop there.
Trump goes on to refer to Bloomberg reporter Caleb Melby as "dopey" and "wet behind the ears," plays rhetorical games about building condos on golf courses to prove value and refers to appraisals done of his properties by some guys that only he seems to know about.
Nut in the end, Trump just can't shake how hurt he is by his former BFF Michael.
'I don't understand why Michael Bloomberg would – I did a lot of good things for him,' Trump said. 'So many good things for the guy. I'm so surprised that he would allow this to happen.
'That story, everybody knows, is bogus.
While the Daily Mail doesn't report it, we can only assume that after the rporter left, and Donald was all alone, Michael Bloomberg found himself being written about pretty nastily in a gold-plated "Burn Book" with the initials D.J. T. engraved on the cover.