SoulCycle Apparently Thinks IPO Stands For Insufferable Prose Opportunity

Hey, taking your "Tribal Experience" public can be tricky.
Author:
Publish date:
Updated on

SoulCycle is a chain of gyms that provides spinning classes to bougie folks and then sells them overpriced lycra clothing to wear while doing it.

As you can imagine, it's a goldmine.

And that's why SoulCycle is going public in an IPO being led by Goldman, BofA and Citi. Pretty impressive handlers there, so you would expect a professional filing full of no-nonsense figures and cold-ass statistics.

But if you were to actually read the Form S-1 that SoulCycle filed yesterday, you'd actually end up parsing through a vast word bog of "Better You" bullsh!t.

We Aspire to Inspire. Our mission is to bring Soul to the people. SoulCycle instructors guide riders through an inspirational, meditative fitness experience designed to benefit the body, mind and soul. Set in a dark, candlelit room to high-energy music, our riders move in unison as a pack to the beat, and follow the cues and choreography of the instructor. The experience is tribal. It is primal. And it is fun.

It sounds like an orgy from a lost season of True Detective. But hey, that might be fun too.

Overall, the summary part of this IPO filing is a bizarre piece of marketing that seems to entirely miss the point of who is reading the thing.

For instance, "Tribal" is a strange word to find in an IPO regulatory filing. Care to elaborate, SoulCycle?

Pack. Tribe. Community. At SoulCycle, our riders feed off the group’s shared energy and motivation to push themselves to their greatest potential. In becoming part of our community, our riders are instilled with greater awareness of not only their bodies but also their emotions. We believe this awareness leads to healthier decisions, relationships and lives. We are not a business that values only transactions, rather we create a community that cultivates and sustains relationships. Our immersive culture of inspiration and empowerment contributes to the engaged and connected rider base in each of our studios.

Oh, like a cult for moms?

Also, we would keep the "We are not a business that values only transactions" stuff in your pocket until like the second earnings call, SoulCycle. Don't be such an Etsy.

But we feel a little bad about making fun of a company that seems to earnestly think it has a soul. After all, it's kind of cute.

Your Soul Matters. We are a “culture of yes.” Our core values are service and hospitality. We believe every ride matters; every rider matters. Since we opened our first studio, our focus has been to provide personalized and consistent customer service while creating community for our riders. All of our employees complete initial, as well as ongoing, hospitality training at our “Soul University” to ensure exceptional service across the organization. We empower our managers to treat their studio as their own business and believe this helps foster the entrepreneurial culture upon which we were founded. We care, we work hard and we work together as a team. We encourage our teams to ride as much as they can, as we believe that motivated, engaged and well-trained employees are the key to cultivating our rider communities. We invest considerably in celebrating our teams through programs (such as weekly “SOULccolade”) that reward hard work, creativity, resourcefulness and actions that embody the culture and spirit of our brand.

Nope, our mistake. Please shut the f*ck up now.

Related