$$$ Hedge funds would prefer it if banks would warehouse more tail risk and charge less for it [DealBook, earlier] $$$ But corporate debt issuers don't have much to complain about re: Volcker [DealBook, earlier] $$$ IMF secures $430bn to boost firepower [FT] $$$ How Much Money You Need To Realistically Recreate The Scrooge McDuck ‘Gold Coin Swim’ [The Billfold, alternate view, neither is persuasive] $$$ How would you like to be a high frequency trading quant in Chicago? [DBCC] $$$ Investigators said the 18-, 20- and 21-year-old suspects, whose names weren't released, broke into the Sea World in Main Beach on Queensland's Gold Coast after it closed Saturday, swam in the dolphin enclosure and made off with Dirk, a 7-year-old fairy penguin, The Australian Eye reported Friday. Police said the penguin was recovered, tired but unharmed, after a couple saw him in a shallow estuary Sunday. ... [T]he penguin appeared to have been chased out of the water by an animal that may have been a shark and was then chased on land by a dog. [UPI] $$$ France: Where Freemasons Are Still Feared [BW] $$$ But why would you fire even one person by email? [BW] $$$ Rapper 50 Cent converted into Malaysian currency [Language Log] $$$ Romney Says He’s Never Eaten Anything Unusual [DI] $$$ Biz Markie Is an ‘Avid’ Barbie Collector, Possible Hoarder [Gawker] $$$ John Carney met a girl who can match spreadsheet guy at color-coding; "dark orange means, in her words, 'obviously we b**ged.'" [NetNet, earlier]

$$$ Greek Aid Payment Call Won’t Be Made Next Week, EU Official Says [Bloomberg] $$$ Dexia Gets a New Bailout [DealBook] $$$ Obama Victory Leads Wealthy to Make Quick Pre-2013 Moves [Bloomberg] $$$ "The ECB is playing a more complicated game than old fashioned 'loose money to counteract downturns, tight money to counteract inflation' monetary policy. And you have to ask yourself: Is it working? Has this delivered prosperity?" [Slate / Matt Yglesias] $$$ The guy who was going to fire all of his employees if Obama got elected, gave them a 5% raise [BBW] $$$ Priceline.com Impulsively Buys Kayak During Mini Existential Crisis [VF] $$$ JPMorgan is looking for a high-net-worth banker in Chicago [DBCC] $$$ JPMorgan Cleared for $3 Billion Stock Buyback [DealBook] $$$ Libor rates cull proposed for April [FT] $$$ Consulting Firm That Once Advised Gadhafi Enters Chapter 11 [WSJ] $$$ Here you will find a review of Atlas Shrugged [The Awl] $$$ "As he wended his way toward proposing an April trial date for Christopher's claims and Tory's counterclaims, Strine reflected on the (in his view) unwarranted popularity of 'duck boots,' the mysterious utility of the Topsiders his son just bought and the strangely bright colors of WASP-preferred styles." [Reuters] $$$ "'Paying bills,' Mr. Adelson said on Tuesday night when asked by a Norwegian reporter how he thought his donations had been spent. 'That’s how you spend money. Either that or become a Jewish husband — you spend a lot of money.'" [DI]

Pump and dump scams on the rise; Billionaires battle in the Bahamas; "Ohio man fined $500 for zombie nativity scene"; and more.

Preet Bharara's no good very bad day; Winklevii bitcoin exchange comin' at ya; Twitter; "A Japanese man live-streaming his video game session online purportedly set fire to his apartment by accident as his webcam continued to broadcast"; and more.

Tinder ('s parent company) files for IPO; Kweku Adoboli finished in finance; Wall Street hearts Jeb; "Supporter shaves Hillary’s face into her own hair"; and more.

Pershing Square down 26.4% YTD; JPM and Citi shareholders will vote on breaking up banks; Florida woman fights to keep potty-trained pet alligator; and more.

$$$ Wells Fargo Banker, Two Others Indicted on Insider-Trading Charges [WSJ] $$$ Bank of America claims MBIA in default on senior notes [Reuters] $$$ The Queen of England seems to have had a fun tour of her Bank [Telegraph] $$$ DealBook Conference Was Impressive, Lucrative and Chummy, but it was no DBDRN [NYT] $$$ "Lloyd Blankfein … wears a suit that is notably baggy in its cut. The bagginess is unflattering. But it is a pinstripe suit, which is the Bat Signal of men of great influence, Wall Street's version of a rapper's Jacob the Jeweler medallion." [Gawker] $$$ Plot to castrate and kill Justin Bieber at Madison Square Garden is foiled [NYP] $$$ How would you like to be a TIAA-CREF wealth management advisor in Fargo, ND? [DBCC] $$$ Obama’s Bet on GM Hangs on Revamped Silverado Pickup [Bloomberg] $$$ Hostess Said to Attract Bids From Wal-Mart, Kroger [Bloomberg] $$$ "But the decisions in the Argentine litigation do seem to go a long way toward transforming the pari passu clause from a rule of rank into a prohibition on preferences. And if this is right, is there any reason to think the holdings will be confined to the sovereign context?" [DealBook / Stephen Lubben] $$$ U. Chicago Receives Weird Mystery Package Addressed to Indiana Jones [NYO] $$$ "Afterward, the employees — chosen by lottery — nibbled on pigs in blankets and sushi rolls and met with Tyson Chandler of the New York Knicks. But one employee apparently was more interested in an autograph from his boss, coming up to ask Mr. Dimon to sign his ticket. The chief executive complied." [DealBook]