$$$ "Congratulations: you’ve now taken a business which was earning 5 per cent to negative 10 per cent. Well done! Now what’s your next trick?" - James Gorman [FT] $$$ Barclays Names McGee Top Americas Corporate and Investment Banker [DealBook] $$$ Viking and ValueAct have outperformed the market YTD, but the median hedge fund return through August is 4.13% [AR] $$$ Game Over: Dave & Buster’s Withdraws IPO [Deal Journal] $$$ "It was the third alligator found roaming free on Long Island in less than a week." [Newsday] $$$ A reader writes, "I know getting drunk and crashing cars into houses on Long Island has been a big fad this year so I figured I'd share." [Newsday, earlier] $$$ A European investment bank is looking for a junior rates trader in New York [DBCC] $$$ Deutsche Bank seen hardest hit by Liikanen reforms [Reuters] $$$ Hard money and the gerontocracy [Noahpinion] $$$ Barry Ritholtz is sick of all the people who are just in finance for the money [TBP] $$$ Gawker recaps a Hulk Hogan sex tape [Gawker] $$$ "But is having your head in a plush diver helmet simply too dorky for the workplace?" Possibly [BusinessWeek]

Greece; Puerto Rico; JPM cyber security; "I had sex in the cockpit: A flight attendant’s confessions"; and more.

London is #1 financial center; VW screws German economy; "Pope Francis blesses DC Metro and its fare cards"; and more.

$$$ Spain rating slashed 3 notches by Moody's [Reuters] $$$ Citigroup was once worse than it is now [Bloomberg] $$$ Gupta Prosecutors Draw ‘Secret Pipeline’ Pattern; Defense Asks, ‘Where’s the Beef?’ [DealBook] $$$ JPMorgan doomsday scenario revealed [FT, FTAV] $$$ Large Institutions Discuss New Marketplace for Bonds [WSJ] $$$ George W. Bush’s decapitated head appeared on Game of Thrones [io9] $$$ Lombard Street Research is looking for a senior institutional sales executive in New York [DBCC] $$$ Crédit Agricole Girds Greek Unit for Greece Euro Exit [WSJ] $$$ Two PMs leave Taconic to form value equity shop [AR] $$$ Should lawyers have stopped the London Whale? [ATL] $$$ Endless QE? $6 trillion and counting [Reuters] $$$ Cops: Man on drugs rammed Stamford police cruisers [Stamford Advocate]

RBC says "Fed just threw kerosene on the fire"; Pimco thriving without Bill; Yale money managers top Harvard money managers; "A Pennsylvania congressman said he swiped Pope Francis' abandoned glass of water following his address to Congress and sipped it with his wife and staffers"; and more.

$$$ Italy Vote Shows No Clear Winner, as Berlusconi Rises [WSJ] $$$ Goldman to begin fresh round of job cuts [Reuters] $$$ Remember That $83 Billion Bank Subsidy? We Weren't Kidding [Bloomberg, earlier] $$$ "There appears to be a growing trendin dying industries: The bosses want to hold their bedside vigils in private." [Deal Journal] $$$ Banks to sell complex CDS books [IFR] $$$ "As an excellent student with advanced people skills and an exciting resume, with a desire to be part of a challenging, energetic, and reputable organization, I will be a valuable addition to The Catholic Church as your new Pope." [McSweeney's] $$$ A top-tier investment management firm is looking for a VP, behavioral finance specialist in New York [DBCC] $$$ Wells Fargo Role in Heinz Deal Is Credit Negative, Moody’s Says [Bloomberg] $$$ Leveraged loan market on fire [Sober Look] $$$ Banks Face Key Hurdle in Libor Fight [WSJ] $$$ RBS plans IPO for U.S. arm Citizens in next two years [Reuters] $$$ John Kerry Brings Democracy to Kyrzakhstan [DI]

Loeb losses; Chipotle subpoena; JPM beats Madoff; "Utah resident defends his dating website for only white people"; and more.

China; Day Trader to Ryan Gosling's Sidekick; Wall Street sick of Chipotle; "After Walmart Proposal, Man Stole Sex Toys"; and more.