Fox Business Senior Adultery Correspondent Asks, "What's The Flowers To Fetish Ratio" For Exposed Ashley Madison Users?

The Fox Business brain trust is always working for you.
Author:
Updated:
Original:

Several weeks back, hackers infiltrated adultery-facilitation website Ashley Madison and yesterday, as you may have heard, the group dumped a gigantic amount of information about the site's users online. Names, email addresses, home addresses, fetishes, credit card numbers and transactions, the works. Regardless of a moral stance on cheating, a lot of people are very disturbed by the privacy infringement and the idea that, whether you're using it to buy socks or set up an affair, engaging with the internet today means putting yourself at risk to be virtually violated in the ass.

Discussing the news this morning, a round table of Fox Business's brightest minds sought to bring its viewers an answer to what seasoned investigative reporter Charlie Gasparino, after careful analysis, had identified as the issue's most pressing question: How many flowers does one owe one's spouse based on the fetish revealed?

Robert Siciliano, Cyber Security Analyst: I've had phone calls, emails, texts...people coming up to me and saying I think I was part of that hack...people obviously concerned their data was going to be leaked, the probability of it occurring the repercussions and so forth. There's a lot of people out there today that are running scared and, more than likely, buying flowers.
Charles Gasparino: Gimme how many flowers based on the fetishes.
FBN Blonde Oh my god, stop, seriously!
Charles Gasparino: I'm trying to give you news you can use. Robert, gimme the fetish to the flower ratio.

Identity theft expert on Ashley Madison hack [FBN]

Earlier: Media Analyst Wouldn’t F*ck The Ashley Madison IPO With Your Dick; Bloomberg Can’t Believe Ashley Madison Users Were So Stupid

Related

Fox Business Senior 'Get Off My Lawn' Correspondent Lists His Grievances With Millennials

Charlie Gasparino's got a lot of problems with you people. And now you're gonna hear about them!

Don't Ask Ashley Madison About Its IPO Plans

The website doesn't want to talk about it.

Ashley Madison: Business Is Friggin' BOOMING

How dare anyone suggest otherwise.

Fox Business's Senior Boflex 'n Booze Correspondent Talks Priorities

For Charlie Gasparino, nothing is more important than God, country, the ability to whale on his pecs, and shots.

Fox Business Senior Waxing And Laser Correspondent Has A Question

Charlie Gasparino sticks to the serious issues.

Bloomberg Can't Believe Ashley Madison Users Were So Stupid

Consult this How To Guide the next time you decide to embark on a philandering journey via the internet.