Write-Offs: 8.28.15

BNY Mellon glitch; JP Morgan hacking; Barclays experimenting with Bitcoin; "Zoo Owner Calls Pony-Riding Baboon A 'C**ksucker' On Live TV"; and more.

Author:: Dealbreaker
Publish date:: Aug 28, 2015

$$$BNY Mellon glitch roiled pricing on U.S. funds with $404 billion in assets [Reuters]

$$$Man linked to JPMorgan hacking in talks to resolve U.S. case: filing [Reuters]

$$$Buying the Dips Doesn’t Work for Everyone [WSJ]

$$$The Brutal Costs of Raising the World’s 631st-Best Tennis Player [Bloomberg]

$$$ When a professor asked students in his small class why they had chosen to study real estate, the new student stood up. “I’m going to be the king of New York real estate.” The professor peered over his tortoiseshell glasses and said, “What’s your name, son?” “I am Donald Trump.” The other students in the small class rolled their eyes. [Boston Globe]

$$$Bitcoin Technology Piques Interest on Wall St. [Dealbook]

$$$NYC man riding Citi Bike cross country [velojoy]

$$$Zoo Owner Calls Pony-Riding Baboon A 'C**ksucker' On Live TV [HP]

SunEdison files for Chapter 11; BNY Mellon rises; Blackstone plummets; London restaurant to encourage nude dining; and more.

ECB's got your stimulus right here; The corporate retreat is back; Looks to the jobs report; "Texas State student rides her Barbie Jeep around campus after DWI arrest"; and more.

Hank Paulson tells China to be very afraid; Banks' first quarter trading revenue = cautious optimism; Slovakia telecom IPO comin' at ya; "Man rides 11 miles on hood of SUV in Pennsylvania"; and more.

Activist investors have a new favorite target; U.S. regulators, FBI warn banks on cyber threat after Bangladesh heist; Woman busted for DWI blasts cops for ‘picking on rich people’; and more.

Mike Mayo says break up Brian Moynihan's job; Review finds SEC in-house judges are fair; Bill Ackman has a tennis protégé; "Man jailed four months over 'meth' that turned out to be salt"; and more.

$$$ Osborne lobbies Geithner on StanChart [FT] $$$ Carlyle to Acquire Asset Manager TCW From SocGen [WSJ] $$$ Goldman Cleared in Mortgage Investigation [DealBook] $$$ Manchester United prices IPO below range, valuing club at $2.3 billion [Reuters] $$$ DC Man Orders TV From Amazon, Gets Assault Rifle Instead [USAT] $$$ A New York boutique firm is looking for a special situation analyst to analyze its special situations [DBCC] $$$ Yahoo May Reverse Alibaba Cash Plans [WSJ] $$$ Chesapeake Energy in U.S. antitrust probe [Reuters] $$$ U.S. Text Messaging Champion Is $50,000 Richer [BW] $$$ Naked Man Covered in Crisco Told Police He was ‘Looking for a Place to Party’ [Gawker]