Apple Will Now Sell You A $99 Pencil... You're Welcome

Merry Christmas, dummies - Tim Cook

Author:
Thornton McEnery
Updated:
Jan 14, 2019
Original:
Sep 9, 2015

During the badly-lit pantomime marathon commercial that has come to be known as an "Apple Event," a California computer company announced today that it will sell you an electric stick for basically one hundred bucks.

Seriously.

The media response was swift.

Apple stock was down by roughly a dollar at 3pm, but that might have also been linked to the fact that Apple chose the band One Republic to close out the event.

Listen, Elon's not saying Apple's a second rate company... He's saying it's third or fourth rate.

Uncle Carl just wants to help.

CookMusk

Tim Cook looking to make his problem into everybody's problem.

appledanish

Tim Cook does not think Margrethe Vestager is the "Dane of the Year."

CookMusk

If only he'd overpromised, underdelivered, burned cash, acted like a maniac and then apologized...Apple would worth at least $10 trillion.

Apple is making Instagram say "Nope" to nips.

RottenApple

We're learning a very important lesson today.

Human sacrifice! Tim Cook emailing Jim Cramer! Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!

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