Apple Will Now Sell You A $99 Pencil... You're Welcome

Merry Christmas, dummies - Tim Cook

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Updated:: Jan 14, 2019
Original:: Sep 9, 2015

During the badly-lit pantomime marathon commercial that has come to be known as an "Apple Event," a California computer company announced today that it will sell you an electric stick for basically one hundred bucks.

Seriously.

The media response was swift.

Apple stock was down by roughly a dollar at 3pm, but that might have also been linked to the fact that Apple chose the band One Republic to close out the event.

Listen, Elon's not saying Apple's a second rate company... He's saying it's third or fourth rate.

Uncle Carl just wants to help.

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Tim Cook looking to make his problem into everybody's problem.

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Tim Cook does not think Margrethe Vestager is the "Dane of the Year."

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If only he'd overpromised, underdelivered, burned cash, acted like a maniac and then apologized...Apple would worth at least $10 trillion.

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We're learning a very important lesson today.

Apple is making Instagram say "Nope" to nips.

Human sacrifice! Tim Cook emailing Jim Cramer! Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!