At This Point Ted Cruz Will Do Literally Anything For $50/Some Attention

We get it Ted, you want us to talk about you more and Donald less. Now put your shirt back on.
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Canadian-born contrarian Ted Cruz has not had the kind of presidential campaign he was hoping for, you guys.

See, Cruz was supposed to be the Republican primary sh!t-stirrer, but that role has been filled in extraordinary fashion by presumptive President-Elect Donald Juarez Trump. That reality has left Ted to lob rhetorical grenades that land with whimpering fart sounds rather than an explosive "Trumpian" results.

Cruz has raised a bunch of money though, even if the popular narrative has him losing the Wall Street money race to guys like JEB! Bush and Scott Walker. But turning those dollars into attention and poll numbers requires some kind of political alchemy in the Age of Trump.

The latest polling shows Trump at 32% and Cruz in fourth place at 7%.

And that might be why this exists.


That is a real thing for sale on the the Cruz campaign website. Go look for yourself.

So, $50 will now get you a terrifying and officially endorsed image of a member of the U.S. Senate who is apparently desperate to be in your thoughts, whatever those thoughts might be.

Hey, Jack Welch can afford at least a dozen.

But if you're an undecided Republican voter who's not yet backing the Empire of Trump, you should go ahead and buy this awesome poster. It will look great above the table where you keep your JEB! Guaca Bowle.

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