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Opening Bell: 9.18.15

Another spoof investigation; Deutsche sheds Ruskies; "The Man Who Took KKR’s Stock for a Ride"; Puerto Rico; Oil hoarding; "Chinese sperm banks using iPhone 6s to attract donors"; and more.
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U.S. Said to Investigate Chicago Trader as Spoof Probes Broaden (Bloomberg)
Federal prosecutors are investigating whether a Chicago trader placed fake orders in an attempt to manipulate prices, said two people familiar with the matter, as the Justice Department broadens its effort to police the $30 trillion U.S. futures market. A grand jury is hearing testimony in Chicago about possible commodities-market manipulation and in particular about the actions of Igor Oystacher, one of the people said. This comes on top of a regulatory probe and concerns raised in the past year by two exchanges about Oystacher, the co-founder of proprietary trading firm 3Red.

The Man Who Took KKR’s Stock for a Ride (WSJ)
KKR is considering replacing its market-making firm, IMC Financial Markets. KKR says IMC failed to adequately explain its floor trader’s decisions that on Aug. 24 briefly cut the private-equity firm’s market value in half and momentarily wiped away about $1 billion from each of its founders’ net worth, according to people familiar with the matter.

Deutsche Bank to Close Russia Investment-Banking Unit (WSJ)
Deutsche Bank AG will pull its investment-banking operations out of Russia, the German lender said Friday, one of its first significant moves under a new co-chief executive planning broader companywide cutbacks. The move, which the bank said will be largely complete by year-end, will affect around 200 investment-bank employees based in Russia who provide deal advisory and securities-trading services.

JPMorgan third quarter trading revenue down like other firms, CEO says (Reuters)
JPMorgan Chase & Co's third-quarter markets revenue is running "about the same as everybody else," Chief Executive Officer Jamie Dimon said on Friday after two major competitors had said their revenues were down about 5 percent from a year earlier.

Chinese sperm banks using iPhone 6s to attract donors (UPI)
Renji Hospital in Shanghai is advertising online that donors who pass the health examination and make regular sperm donations can earn up to $940, more than enough to purchase an iPhone 6s, which starts at $649. "No need to sell your kidneys - you can easily have a 6s," the hospital said in an online post referencing reports of Chinese men selling their kidneys to raise iPhone money.

Italy’s Tax Dodgers Hide in a Swiss Loophole (Bloomberg)
Italians who want to stash their riches out of reach of tax collectors might familiarize themselves with a restaurant on the Via della Posta in the Swiss town of Locarno, about 6 miles from the Italian border. One floor above Ristorante Pasta e Ravioli is the office of safe-deposit-box company Gestisafe, whose website boasts that it can offer “a service comparable to a bank but free from the stringent rules governing the sector.”

China Is Hoarding the World's Oil (Bloomberg)
In the first seven months of the year, China purchased about half a million barrels of crude in excess of its daily needs, the most for the period since 2012, according to data compiled by Bloomberg. As the country gathers bargain barrels for its strategic petroleum reserve, the demand is cushioning an oversupplied market from a further crash, according to Columbia University’s Center on Global Energy Policy.

Puerto Rico businesses fret tax hikes will erode profits (Reuters)
The new levies come as the Puerto Rican government pursues a plan to jumpstart its foundering economy and claw its way out of a $72 billion debt hole in part by spurring small business growth. The plan also asks bondholders to take reduced payouts on $18 billion of debt, and proposes changes to the government's operations.

Scott Stringer the latest to say ‘no’ to Moynihan’s dual roles (NYP)
Comptroller Scott Stringer, who runs the $165.5 billion New York City Employees’ Retirement System, will vote to split Moynihan’s dual role as chief executive and chairman, The Post has learned.

Woman Charged With 'Castration' After Biting Boyfriend's Testicles (HP)
A man whose testicles were allegedly bitten during a domestic dispute in Jacksonville, North Carolina, is recovering, an Onslow County Sheriff's spokesman told The Huffington Post Thursday. Some earlier reports said the man had suffered either serious or permanent damage, but the spokesman said the victim required eight stitches and would eventually heal. "There was no actual long-term damage, nothing he couldn't recover from," the spokesman said. Martinne Delavega, 51, was charged with malicious castration and assault causing serious bodily injury.


Opening Bell: 6.25.15

Greece and Puerto Rico are screwed; Uber water taxi; Testicle-eating fish caught in New Jersey; and more.

By M.Minderhoud (Own work) [GFDL or CC-BY-SA-3.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Opening Bell: 6.22.16

Puerto Rico vs bondholders; Brexit, Brexit, Brexit; Man creates smoothie made of McDonald's burgers; and more.

Opening Bell: 8.5.15

Puerto Rico; Jeb; Soros 2.0; "Meth lab remnants found inside Iowa Taco Bell"; and more.

Opening Bell: 5.18.15

Greece is screwed; Puerto Rico is screwed; Hedge funds are screwed; "Parrot Won't Stop Cursing In Spanish"; and more.

Opening Bell: 6.29.15

Greece, Greece, Greece; Puerto Rico; "CNN mistakes sex toy sign for Islamic State flag" and more.

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Opening Bell: 12.19.17

UBS has some 'splaining to do in Puerto Rico; hedge funders may get a nasty surprise come bonus season; money markets are going haywire; the returns on everything; Bob Dylan's Christmas lights; and more.

By Captain-tucker (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Opening Bell: 9.21.16

Senators vs Wells Fargo; Hedge funds vs SABMiller deal; DOJ vs former Fed staffer; Son of Chinese billionaire buys eight iPhone 7s for his dog; and more.

Opening Bell: 8.21.15

Paulson likes Puerto Rico; JP Morgan hires General; Female Viagra; Twitter; "Hamas captures alleged Israeli spy dolphin"; and more.