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Pimco May Lay Off Employees Because Daddy Went Out For Cigarettes And Never Came Back

It's always the kids that suffer.
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As those of you who keep up with the life and times of Bill Gross know, back in 2014 he and Pimco, the company he founded, went through a very messy divorce. Names were called, allegations were thrown around, and a lotta dirty laundry was aired. And while rough patches are to be expected in any serious relationship that spans decades, the two parties decided they were done. Rather than stay together for the kids, Pimco all but gave Gross the boot, and now look at this f*cking place.

Officials at mutual fund giant Pacific Investment Management Co., are discussing layoffs amid a sharp decline in assets over the past year that followed the ouster of co-founder Bill Gross, the FOX Business Network has learned...Without Gross at the helm, the Total Return Fund has produced a return of about 1.6%--beating both the Standard & Poor 500 index of large company stocks, and a bond index compiled by Morningstar Inc. (MORN), which tracks mutual fund performance. But investors continue to yank money from the company and the total return fund in particular; as of August 31, the total return fund reported assets under management of $98.1 billion—the first time the fund has fallen below $100 billion in assets since 2007. Since Gross left the company, overall assets have fallen nearly 21% to $1.5 trillion.

Of course, Gross isn't doing much better himself, which begs the question-- is a reconciliation in order? In spite of everything's that happened, odds are Pimco's gotta be missing the days when it got the first look at Gross's monthly musing on toilets, cats, dogs, steam showers, and feeling fat. As for Gross, he's basically doing a slow drive-by past the building every night "just to see if the lights are on" while he plots his inevitable comeback, so presumably he'd accept the offer.

PIMCO Bleeding Without Bill Gross, Layoffs Loom [FBN]

Related: Bill Gross Writes New Page In The Annals Of Investing History


PIMCO, via Wikimedia Commons

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Bonus Watch '15: Pimco Brass

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I'm sorry but I just don't recognize him. Source: Getty Images

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It's almost like those bastards don't want to help him win $200 million in damages from them.

Bill Gross's Mustache Is Never Coming Back

Has there ever been a person in your life you didn't realize how much meant to you 'til they were gone? Who you would have treated better if you'd known your final day with was your last? Who you would have begged to stay? Who you assumed would be back eventually but as the weeks, months, and years crept on forced you to come to the hard realization that the next and only time you'd see them would be in your dreams, because they were never coming back? Whose permanent absence, once finally accepted it, hit you like a ton of bricks? Then you know how people involved with Bill Gross's Mustache feel today. Once a daily presence on the PIMCO manager's face, the BGM went away for a while but it was assumed not for good because how could that be? Why would that be? It felt impossible. Then this happened: Bloomberg's Tom Keene: When does the mustache come back? Gross: Never. My wife has finally adjusted, so it's not coming back. If you never got to say a proper good-bye, if you would have done things differently, if you feel like the wind's been knocked out of you, if you can't bear the thought of being alone tonight, join us as we light a candle in memoriam. Bill Gross's mustache in deep contemplation Bill Gross's mustache in an insane asylum Bill Gross's mustache mustache so stoned it can't feel its face Bill Gross's angry mustache! Bill Gross's suicidal mustache Bill Gross's mustache undressing you with its mind ... Pimco's Gross on Financial Repression, ETF, Greece [Bloomberg]

Pimco: Bill Gross Can't Hurt Us Anymore

The firm claims to have picked up the pieces and moved on with its life, following the departure of Bill "I'm like Secretariat out there" Gross.