Searching For The Right Words To Use When Firing Someone? Deutsche Bank's Got A Script For That

Don't "become involved in a detailed discussion of the facts".

As anyone who's ever fired an employee knows, the exercise, while painful for the person being fired, can be just as bad if not worse for the person doing the firing. Or, if not worse, than more awkward. You fumble around for the right words, you try not to make eye contact, you worry that there will be tears or a physical confrontation. Is it better to tap them on the shoulder, act like everything is peachy, ask if you can grab them for "just a quick" sec and then drop the bomb? Or to right up front say "I need talk to you in the conference room and it's not going to be good"? Do you bring a box of tissues? Do you let HR do the talking? These questions and more need to be answer when you've been assigned the unenviable task of telling someone to take a long lunch and not come back to the office, ever. Luckily, Deutsche Bank has provided a primer on how to ax someone with as little friction on the fire-er's end as possible.

Step one, dial the employee's phone number. What, you thought this was going to be a face to face thing?

“Thank you for making yourself available for this call today,” reads the first line of a two-page draft script obtained by Bloomberg News that was used to fire at least one trader caught up in the Libor scandal. The niceties quickly fall away. “We have decided that your employment agreement should be terminated with immediate effect by reason of your gross misconduct, which in the opinion of the bank is serious enough to prejudice the business and reputation of the bank,” the speaker would continue. “Your dismissal will be effective immediately and you will not be entitled to any period of notice or payment in lieu of notice.”

Things can either end there, or if you've got a fighter, escalate slightly. Happily, Deutsche Bank's got a response for whatever curveballs/"How the f*ck are you just going to fire me over the phone"-type questions that might come your way.

The scripts also include a list of suggested responses to a trader in the process of losing his job. The primer advises the speaker not to “become involved in a detailed discussion of the facts” surrounding the basis for the termination. “You may just simply wish to say: ‘We appreciate the points that you are making but can assure you that the Bank has thoroughly reviewed the available evidence and has now reached a conclusion.” And if the employee complains the bank hasn’t followed the “usual disciplinary process” -- there’s an answer for that too. “In the light of your interviews and the documents which have been discovered, we have reached the conclusion that your conduct does amount to gross misconduct and thus the appropriate course of action is to dismiss you immediately,” the speaker should say. “We do not think that any further hearings would alter that conclusion.”

Don't say the Germans and their famed efficiency never did anything for you!

Document Reveals How Deutsche Bank Fires Traders With a ‘Thank You’ [Bloomberg]


If You Think You Were Unfairly Fired From Your Banking Job And Work In The UK, You've Got Two Options

1. Get over it. 2. Get over it. UK judges couldn't give less of a fuck. Fired bankers suing for unfair dismissal and unpaid bonuses have found little success at London’s specialty employment courts as continuing anger over the financial crisis has left judges unsympathetic. The adverse decisions from the U.K. Employment Tribunal come after London bankers had a run of legal successes with courts ruling they were entitled to large bonuses written into contracts before the economic downturn. The latest round of cases have largely been based instead on wrongful termination, where the banks have been able to make stronger arguments. A former JPMorgan Chase banker, fired for mispricing aluminum trades, discovered the new reality the hard way Oct. 17, when a London judge threw out his suit for not properly explaining how “a large number of errors” he made benefited his trading book by about $400,000. Other claims tossed this year involved securities manipulation and threats from colleagues. “In the current climate there is little sympathy for bankers,” said Andreas White, an employment lawyer at Kingsley Napley LLP in London. “Banking is the only industry where claimant employees are even less popular” than their bosses. Fired Bankers’ Lawsuits Fail as Judges Tire of Bonus Claims [Bloomberg]

Clawbacks Watch '12: Deutsche Bank

Those shares DB awarded you to make up for the ones you were leaving with your old employer? They're going to need those back. Deutsche Bank has become the first global bank to introduce rules allowing it to strip staff of bonuses they earned at previous employers in the latest crackdown on pay. The largest European lender by assets has significantly tightened its bonus rules this year, enabling it to take back unvested shares that newly hired senior staff received in exchange for stock earned at another bank. The German banks’ stricter bonus rules, which came into force in January, apply to all new senior hires considered to be involved in the bank’s risk-taking, a spokesman said. These more than 1,300 “regulated employees“ include managing directors in the corporate and investment bank and members of the management committees of all other units. One recruitment expert warned the rule could make it harder for Deutsche Bank to attract senior talent as the potential job candidates might not be willing to put at risk stock earned at a previous bank. Deutsche Bank Turns Screws On Bonuses [FT]

Really? This is really happening?

Citigroup Goes To War With AT&T Over The Word "Thanks"

This is a thing that actually happened.

Deutsche Bank CEO: You Know This Year's Bonuses Are Going To Be A Disgrace, Right?

A 6.2 billion euro ($7 billion) loss will generally have that effect.

Authorities Would Like To Add That Deutsche Bank Executive "Ruthlessly Beaten" By LAPD May Or May Not Have Been On "White Lightning" At The Time

A couple weeks back, Deutsche Bank vice chairman and managing director Brian Mulligan filed a claim with the city of Los Angeles, letting people know he intended to sue for $50 million over an incident that took place involving the LAPD, which left the media banker with “a broken shoulder blade and 15 nasal fractures.” According to Mulligan, police officers abducted him from a street corner, drove him to a motel, told him to wait there for a few hours, and then beat him so "ruthlessly" he "barely looked human" when they were done. According the LAPD, several calls had been placed about a man in the area "trying to break into cars" that fit Mulligan's description. They confronted the guy, who told them he was tired, which was why they drove him to the motel. He emerged hours later, started running through traffic, failed to heed their orders to get out of the street and assumed a "fighting stance," hence the need to deal with him in an aggressive fashion. At the time, a spokesman for the LA County DA’s office said that there are no plans to file criminal charges and that the office would simply like to “have a discussion" with Mulligan to advise him on "how best to follow the law so that incidents like this don’t occur again.” Also, it's possible he was experimenting with bath salts. The police report states that Mulligan was sweating profusely and walking with an unsteady gait when officers responded to reports that he was trying to break into cars in a Jack-in-the-Box parking lot. Mulligan told officers he was being chased and didn't know why. He also stated that he had ingested "white lightning" and marijuana and that he had not slept for four days. Brian Mulligan On Bath Salts: Deutsche Bank Executive Said He Was On 'White Lightning,' Police Say [HP] Earlier: Deutsche Bank Managing Director, LAPD Not Yet Seeing Eye To Eye On Savage Beating “Incident”