Skip to main content

The Time Has Come For Twitter To Name Snoop Dogg As CEO

"Doggfather & CEO" would be the illest title in Silicon Valley, hands down.

How bad are things at Twitter these days?

Tell em, Bloomberg...

In the three months since the company started searching for a new chief executive officer, the stock has slipped 22 percent and several product executives have left. A leading internal candidate, according to people close to the board, is interim leader and co-founder Jack Dorsey -- who’s already CEO at a company on the verge of an initial public offering.

Not only does Dorsey already have another gig, he's also apparently something of a dud at tea time. But while Jack goes HAM playing Hamlet, Twitter's stock price loses value as fast as Roger Goodell's Twitter account is losing followers.

Even so, the San Francisco-based social-media company doesn’t have the luxury of a long, drawn-out process.
Twitter’s board didn’t have a succession plan in place when former CEO Dick Costolo departed, even though it wasn’t a surprise exit. That means they’re doing the search with the public knowing it’s happening, opening themselves up to scrutiny about their every move.

Through it all Twitter is preaching patience, but that is wearing exteremly thin. Especially when a bold and brilliant gesture candidate is staring them right in the face. Well more like bow to the wow, creepin' and a crawlin' in their face.

Yeah, what's his name? We said what's HIS NAME?!?!

That's right, fools. And Twitter's next CEO will step through the fog and creep through the smog with an airtight battle plan.

So stop being such a bunch of uptight tech bros, Twitter tech bros. The Dee-Oh-Double-Gee is canny enough to make himself the people's choice by hashtag (#SnoopForCEO) alone, and mastering the medium that you created should be part of the gig.

In fact, you might also want to consider this dude for the job.

Twitter CEO Search Gains Urgency as Stock Slips, Executives Exit [Bloomberg]


Everybody Wanted Twitter To Find A CEO, So Twitter Is Gonna Give Them Three CEOS

Why give Wall Street what it wants when you can give it what it doesn't even know it wants?


Silicon Valley Recap: Stache-Lag

We recap "Silicon Valley" now.

Twitter In No Rush To Confirm That Jack Is Back

It's only been like 100-plus days...Hold your horses, Wall Street.

Report: Twitter's Board Operates Like A Clique of Teenage Girls

Here's a theory about Dick Costolo leaving Twitter that sounds more Tina Fey than WSJ.