The return of Jack Dorsey to the helm of Twitter was the most inevitable and boring saga in tech this summer.
Everybody knew that it had to be Jack that cleaned up the mess Twitter had become since the company forced out former CEO Dick Costolo in a move that imperiled both Twitter's stock price and - perhaps even more critically - the level of comfort at employee tea time.
Once Jack forced everyone to accept that he had to be simultaneous CEOs of Twitter and Square, the covenant was sealed and Jack was back.
But the good vibes are not lasting at Twitter HQ. Apparently Jack found the place a little crowded upon his return and decided that some people can have two jobs, but many people should have no jobs.
Twitter's board approved a restructuring plan on Monday, and the company plans to lay off 8% of its workforce, or 336 people.
And Jack ain't f*cking around. While many corporate types would bend over backwards not to say it, Dorsey is being rather frank about the fact that the layoffs are targeted at what he sees as human dead weight.
We're not editorializing, he said it in an all-staff email...
We are moving forward with a restructuring of our workforce so we can put our company on a stronger path to grow. Emails like this are usually riddled with corporate speak so I'm going to give it to you straight.
All shot, no chaser. That's the Dorsey way baby.
Could this important tech email actually not include jargon and/or a blatantly false global altruism?
The team has been working around the clock to produce streamlined roadmap for Twitter, Vine, and Periscope and they are shaping up to be strong. The roadmap is focused on the experiences which will have the greatest impact. We launched the first of these experiences last week with Moments, a great beginning, and a bold peek into the future of how people will see what's going on in the world.
The roadmap is also a plan to change how we work, and what we need to do that work. Product and Engineering are going to make the most significant structural changes to reflect our plan ahead. We feel strongly that Engineering will move much faster with a smaller and nimbler team, while remaining the biggest percentage of our workforce. And the rest of the organization will be streamlined in parallel.
That's a no on the jargon.
So we have made an extremely tough decision: we plan to part ways with up to 336 people from across the company. We are doing this with the utmost respect for each and every person. Twitter will go to great lengths to take care of each individual by providing generous exit packages and help finding a new job.
But this isn't Jack's call, or even Twitter's...
Thank you all for your trust and understanding here. This isn't easy. But it is right. The world needs a strong Twitter, and this is another step to get there. As always, please reach out to me directly with any ideas or questions.
See? "The world" needs these people out of a job. It's the only way for mankind to prosper and for Twitter to couch the layoffs in faux magnanimity...