Opening Bell: 10.14.15

JPMorgan Says Trading Pain Isn't Over After Third-Quarter Slump (Bloomberg)
“So far in October, across asset classes, the markets are pretty quiet,” Chief Financial Officer Marianne Lake said on a conference call after JPMorgan released results Tuesday. “We’re only two weeks into the quarter, and it’s too early to give specific guidance, but based on those facts alone, analysts’ estimates appear high” for the rest of the year, she said.

Fortress, Bain Lead Hedge Funds Liquidating in Market Volatility (Bloomberg)
The large-scale closures started with Comac Capital, the London-based manager run by Colm O’Shea, who shut his $1.2 billion firm in January after losses on the Swiss franc. Two months later, a pair of funds backed by billionaire investor Julian Robertson, TigerShark Management and Tiger Consumer Management, told clients they were shuttering. Meredith Whitney, who turned fame as a banking analyst into a stint running her own hedge fund, said in June that she had returned money to clients after less than two years and was done with the industry. Incapture, an investment and technology firm backed by former Barclays Plc Chief Executive Officer Bob Diamond, said in August it was closing its sole fund.

Goldman Entangled in Malaysia Fund Scandal (WSJ)
As part of a broad probe into allegations of money laundering and corruption, investigators at the Federal Bureau of Investigation and the Justice Department have begun examining Goldman Sachs’s role in a series of transactions at 1Malaysia Development Bhd., people familiar with the matter said.

Chipotle poaches Starbucks tech exec to combat long lines (NYP)
The popular burrito chain (founded by Steve Ells in 1993), whose nearly 2,000 stores jam up during lunch hour, just poached a top Starbucks technology executive to improve its “customer experience.” Curt Garner, who will become Chipotle’s first chief information officer when he starts Nov. 23, worked on the highly praised Starbucks app during his 18 years at the Seattle-based chain. Starbucks’ know-how in the technology space is second to none, said Bernstein analyst Sara Senatore, pointing to Starbuck’s mobile app that not only allows customers to place orders but reports the wait times at nearby stores.

Eat A 30-Pound Burrito, Own Part Of A New York City Restaurant (HP)
Don Chingon recently issued a challenge to customers: Eat a behemoth burrito and gulp down a margarita in one hour or less, and you’ll win a 10 percent stake in the Brooklyn taqueria. "If you are going to eat a massive amount of food in a single sitting, you deserve real compensation," owner Victor Robey told the NY Daily News. "Some restaurants will put your name on the wall. We'll give you the wall." But The Grand Chingon Challenge is no easy feat. The burrito weighs 30 pounds and is stuffed with steak, chicken, pork, rice, cheese, beans and salsa. And the margarita? It's made with an extremely spicy ghost pepper. Customers have to pay $150 to participate in the challenge, and once they start, no bathroom breaks are allowed. Puking will also result in disqualification.

World's King of Beer Flies Coach, Wears Jeans and Loves Pressure (Bloomberg)
“If you want the best out of people you have to put pressure on them all the time,” the Brazilian chief of Anheuser-Busch InBev NV told a roomful of students at the Stanford Graduate School of Business in 2010.

Ex-Bank of America Employee's Trial for Hong Kong Killings Set Next Year (Bloomberg)
Rurik Jutting, the former Bank of America Corp. employee charged with murdering two Indonesian women in Hong Kong, will stand trial on Oct. 25 next year.

GE to sell $30 billion specialty finance business to Wells Fargo (Reuters)
General Electric Co took a big step on Tuesday in its plan to unload most of its financing operations, saying it has agreed to sell commercial lending and leasing businesses worth more than $30 billion to Wells Fargo & Co. The U.S. conglomerate has now inked $126 billion in transactions -- more than half of its overall target -- since announcing in April it would seek to reduce its GE Capital financing business to less than 10 percent of earnings as it focuses more on industrial manufacturing. GE Capital accounted for 42 percent of the company's profit in 2014.

Why General Electric Is Unwinding Its Finance Arm (WSJ)
Though the decision to wind down the business owes a lot to investor pressure, the closing of the easy regulatory niche that had made its lending so attractive sealed the deal. GE said the new federal rules left its banking business earning lower returns than the industrial side.

Patron Arrested For McDonald's Condiment Attack (TSG)
Christopher Clark, 40, allegedly became so disorderly Sunday night inside a McDonald’s in St. Petersburg that he was asked to leave the eatery by manager Aaron Newton. In response to the eviction attempt, Clark “threw a handful of package condiments” at Newton, according to an arrest affidavit. Newton “did not sustain any injuries” as a result of the fusillade, which surely included ketchup projectiles. Clark--who was not under the influence of alcohol during the 10 PM incident--was subsequently collared by a St. Petersburg cop and charged with misdemeanor battery.