Martin Shkreli down to zero jobs; Chipotle can't catch a break; "Star Wars" is box-office DeathStar; "Lenny Dykstra Plays Bad Santa At Strip Club"; and more!

$$$ 'Sterilized' Bond Buying an Option in Fed Arsenal [WSJ] $$$ Greece inches closer to €206bn debt deal [FT] $$$ Apple lifts lid on 4G iPad, keeps prices [Reuters] $$$ Mario Batali pays $5.25mm to settle a class action suit brought by abused waiters [Eater] $$$ How would you like to be a research analyst on the global small- and mid-cap team at Franklin Templeton? [DBCC] $$$ Treasury to Sell $6 Billion of AIG Stock [WSJ] $$$ The Case for Treating Big Finance Like Big Pharma [The Atlantic] $$$ Or treat it like squeegee men [William Black] $$$ If you read only one piece of investigative journalism on Lenny Dykstra's downfall, make it this one [SI] $$$ If you read only one piece of investigative journalism on high-end prostitute pricing, make it John Carney's [NetNet]

Brady Dougan says Credit Suisse got too big; Kleiner Perkins wants $1 million from Ellen Pao but is willing to deal; JPM closes pot accounts; Bra Bandit strikes again; and more.

$$$ Moody's says more steps needed to save US credit rating [Reuters] $$$ Avis to Buy Car-Sharing Service Zipcar [WSJ] $$$ There's going to be a re-settlement of the mortgage settlement [NYT] $$$ BofA Could Join JPMorgan Selling Units to Boost Value, Mayo Says [Bloomberg] $$$ Greek Official Resigns Amid Bank Scandal [WSJ] $$$ The Great Canadian Maple Syrup Heist [BBW] $$$ A leading financial services firm in Chicago is looking for a corporate strategy & development associate or VP [DBCC] $$$ Up and Down for Einhorn's Greenlight in December [Alpha] $$$ Do Corporations Have Religious Rights? [Law Blog] $$$ You Disgust Me, Christie Tells Boehner in Storm Over Aid [CNBC] $$$ “If somebody had told me I was going to be a high school math teacher in Dallas, Texas, when I entered college, I’d be like, ‘No, there’s no chance of that being true,’ ” said Mr. Dearing, who has deferred an offer from McKinsey. The teaching skills easily translate to office environments, he said. “I’m effectively the leader, every day, for 46 minutes, in front of seven different groups,” Mr. Dearing said. [DealBook]

$$$ Greece drops demand to ease bailout terms [FT] $$$ The NYSE Gets Its Very Own Dark Pool [MarketBeat] $$$ The Strange Takeover Limbo of CVR [DealBook] $$$ Countrywide won influence by giving House members discounts, report says [AP] $$$ Jon Ronson talks to rich people, middle-class people, and poor people [GQ] $$$ The guy who finished ahead of David Einhorn in the $1mm buy-in One Drop poker tournament was beaten up shortly afterwards [Poker News Daily] $$$ A German university is suing a business student for lost income because he finished his bachelors and masters degrees in only 20 months [UPI] $$$ A top institution is looking for a VP level structured credit trader in New York [DBCC] $$$ Euro the big loser after central banks intervene [FT] $$$ Irish Bill Sale Marks End Of Drought As Spain Yields Rise [Bloomberg] $$$ Why not have variable-rate mortgages with fixed payments but variable amortization periods? [American Banker] $$$ Traded assets are more volatile than non-traded assets, NGDP targeting edition [Noahpinion] $$$ Alphonse "Buddy" Fletcher's wife is the Kleiner Perkins partner suing them for gender discrimination [Term Sheet] $$$ An Alternative Living Will for Banks [Paperwell]

Vindication for David Einhorn; Staley joins Barclays 12/1; Fed may still lift rates this year; Icahn wants to bust up AIG; "Speech expert: Australian accent influenced by drunken forefathers"; and more.

Judge rules JP Morgan didn't rip off Lehman; David Einhorn's no good very bad month; "Man Robs Nail Salon, But Gets Manicure First"; and more.

$$$ Cohn Says Banks Other Than Goldman, JPMorgan Retrenching [Bloomberg] $$$ Ex-Goldman trader Taylor pleads guilty to wire fraud [Reuters] $$$ Bundesbank launches Deutsche probe [FT] $$$ Bank of Canada searches far and wide for Carney's successor [Reuters] $$$ Huey Lewis and Weird Al Reenact Classic American Psycho Scene in Honor of Sports’ 30th Birthday [Gawker] $$$ Government Watchdog Faults Regulators Over Foreclosure Review [DealBook] $$$ Royal Bank of Scotland faces $6 billion investor action [Reuters] $$$ Money Is Memory [Izabella Kaminska] $$$ A man caught beating down a 56-year-old woman during a subway robbery in Borough Park wore a college fraternity sweatshirt with his nickname on it, law enforcement sources said. Aidan Folan, 21, was caught on camera wearing his favorite Alpha Phi Delta hoodie with custom lettering on the back that reads, "Stugotz 27," sources added. The Italian slang term roughly translates to "testicles" and is so loved by the suspect he chose it and the number "27" for his Facebook page, sources added. [NYP] $$$ Justin Bieber’s Pet Monkey Quarantined in Germany [Time]