Ex-Citi exec claims whistleblower mistreatment; Marissa Mayer dodges bullet; So it turns out my dead father worked in porn; and more.

Dead bulls walking; Pimco on Fed; Paulson on China; Quirky files for bankruptcy; Pasta Passes sell out in < 1 second; "PETA sues to give monkey ownership of selfie"; and more.

Ex-Goldman banker acquitted in rape case; Ex-UBS banker working with drones; Ex-Fed Chairman will limit himself to 2 hedge fund consulting gigs (plus blogging job); "Trooper In Trouble For Snoop Dogg Photo Sues Bosses"; and more.

Buffett bond sale; Citi brings stress test guru out of retirement; Hedge funds think Warby Parker worth $1 billion; "Man Invents Creepy Talking Girlfriend Pillow"; AND MORE.

Pimco redemptions; Rate rise coming; "Woman, 110, drank three Miller High Lifes a day for 70 years"; and more.

$$$ JPMorgan is the best place to work, according to the Vault Guide [DealBook] $$$ "Morgan Stanley's wealth management chief, Greg Fleming, has just concluded a seven-city tour of the firm’s brokerage offices in an attempt to stem a broker revolt over the company’s new technology system that contains so many glitches that brokers often cannot sign-up new clients." [FBN, earlier] $$$ Ex-Jet Chrebet Among Top Wealth Managers Leaving Morgan Stanley for Barclays [Deal Journal] $$$ A fourth trader under scrutiny in JPM "Whale" probe [Reuters] $$$ "What the ECB is doing, in essence, is setting itself up as the shadow government of Italy, Spain, Portugal, and perhaps Ireland." [Slate / Matt Yglesias] $$$ Court to decide if lap dancing is a tax-exempt art form [USAT] $$$ Morgan Stanley Smith Barney is looking for a suspicious activity monitoring and investigations analyst [DBCC] $$$ Greenhill Expands Capital Advisory Group [DealBook] $$$ Investors are buying California school district bonds [WSJ] $$$ The ‘mystery Libor’ precedent [FTAV] $$$ Why Yes, It Is Time for Homemade Satellites [BBW] $$$ What Famous People Smell Like [The Awl]

$$$ Lawsuits cast darker shadow over banks than Libor fines [Reuters] $$$ Majority of Wealthy Support Taxing Themselves: Poll [CNBC] $$$ NRA Calls for Armed Guards in Schools to Prevent Killings [Bloomberg] $$$ ICE Would Owe $750 Million if NYSE Deal Blocked [WSJ] $$$ Daily Intel is live-blogging the Mayan apocalypse [DI] $$$ That's it for us today. We'll be on a light schedule next week, and will see you back here full time on January 2nd. Happy holidays! $$$ BoNY Mellon is looking for a wealth management sales director in Boston [DBCC] $$$ Swaps ‘Armageddon’ Lingers as New Rules Concentrate Risk [Bloomberg] $$$ New York Fed: Progress Being Made in Improving Tri-Party Repo Sector [RTE] $$$ "[C]lass actions are more closely associated with unreliable disclosures than are SEC investigations. Moreover, stand-alone class actions appear more likely to result in settlements, and those settlements are of greater magnitude, than stand-alone SEC investigations, and officers are more likely to be terminated. Our findings cast doubt on the claim that SEC investigations are superior to class actions in targeting fraud and imposing sanctions on companies." [Harvard Law] $$$ "Plaintiff's counsel hereby gives notice he will not be available any time after December 21, 2012, due to the end of the world." [ATL]

$$$ Ben Bernanke is pretty sure the thing he's doing is not a horrible idea [FRB] $$$ Four Charged in U.K. Insider-Trading Probe [WSJ] $$$ Hedge Fund Jana Partners Takes Aim at Agrium [WSJ] $$$ In Goldman Programmer Case, a Way Around Double Jeopardy [DealBook] $$$ "The idea is that while equity owners - management - are like owners of call options on the assets of a firm (aka the Merton Model), banks are like down-and-out call option owners, because if their book equity goes down too far they will be forced into a fire-sale or liquidated by regulators. This is a barrier option, and has the interesting property that its vega - the derivative of the value of the equity with respect to asset volatility - is negative when it gets close in value to its barrier." [Falkenblog] $$$ Looking at cats on the internet makes you more productive at playing games on the internet [Wonkblog] $$$ Shia LaBeouf rescues sea lion [tv3.ie] $$$ Citi Capital Advisors is looking for a director of hedge funds risk management in New York [DBCC] $$$ DVA, one half of Dealbreaker will miss you [WSJ] $$$ LIBOR may converge with CD rates [Sober Look] $$$ Equity Trading and the Allocation of Market Data Revenue [FRB] $$$ "A Miami-bound American Airlines flight made an emergency landing at JFK when a row of passenger seats became unbolted and dangerously slid around like a carnival ride ..." [NYP] $$$ In urban Taiwan, indoor shrimp fishing is booming [LAT] $$$ "Queens teacher suing city claiming he was beaten up by a first-grader"; the pictures are superb [NYP]