$$$ UBS’s Orcel Says Investment Bank Revamp Will Take Up to 5 Years [Bloomberg] $$$ American Banks Actually Are Lending Again — to Europe [NetNet] $$$ Brevan Howard on Hiring Spree Makes Comeback in New York [Bloomberg] $$$ Hostess Has Seen 'Flood' of Interest in Its Brands, Lawyer Says [WSJ] $$$ The surprising correlation between a turkey and a short-gamma trader [Peter Brandt] $$$ Fox News Pundit Finds the Silver Lining of Having Almost No Money for Food [DI] $$$ That’s it for us today. Happy Thanksgiving. We hope you all have a great holiday. There will be brief posting/moral support for those working on Friday, and we'll see the rest of you back here on Monday $$$ A New York hedge fund is looking for an experienced quantitative strategist to join their equities team [DBCC] $$$ Senator Warner says deficit talks to be different this time [Reuters] $$$ Olam launches Muddy Waters libel case [FT] $$$ "[CNBC's] audience does not consists mainly of the very rich; rather, it’s the 1 percent wannabees, who imagine that watching many hours of talking heads will somehow let them absorb the secrets of getting rich." [Paul Krugman] $$$ "Fehr and colleagues found that, in one-shot encounters where employment contracts were struck, 51% of principals exploited agents. 'The Marxian idea that power can be used for exploitation is real' they conclude." [Stumbling and Mumbling] $$$ A Very Dramatic Reading of Francisco Dao's Tale of Startup Failure [The Awl] $$$ The co-writer of The Empire Strikes Back will write one of the new Star Wars movies [Hollywood Reporter]

$$$ Inside a Star Hedge Fund: Lots of Big Bets, Built Fast [WSJ] $$$ Fed pushes banks to ignore rivals when setting bonuses [Reuters] $$$ JPMorgan Board Backs CEO Dimon as Chairman, Pays Zames More [Bloomberg] $$$ The Senate Drafts the SEC's Case Against JPMorgan [BBW] $$$ "A J.P. Morgan Chase employee climbed onstage at a black-tie dinner held on Wall Street Thursday night and accepted an award on behalf of the embattled bank for 'best crisis management.' ... Kathy Hu, an executive director in J.P. Morgan’s investor relations department, accepted the award and quipped: 'Can I just say, "Crisis? What crisis?"' J.P. Morgan beat out nominees Chevron Corp., which struggled with a refinery fire last year, and St. Jude Medical Inc., which battled heart-device problems." [Deal Journal] $$$ Pope calls Argentine kiosk owner to cancel paper delivery [CNA] $$$ Hey, Let Harvard Alumni Have Their Fun This Morning [DI] $$$ Deutsche Bank mulls raising fixed pay to counter EU bonus rules [Reuters] $$$ Judges’ Spat Strikes a Chord Among Deal Makers [DealBook] $$$ "Now some distressed debt investors get to find out what exactly it is you buy when you buy American-issued debt in a company incorporated in the Cayman Islands and doing business in China. I suspect the answer will be 'not much.'" [DealBook] $$$ "Henry Blodget is, in all seriousness, an artist of the internet whose methods should be studied and analyzed for future generations." [Gawker] $$$ "Finally I should note that the rectal gonorrhoea is the reason for my odour." Investment research! [Bronte Capital]

$$$ Fed says economy may need help, keeps policy on hold [Reuters] $$$ U.S. Treasury to Develop Floating-Rate Notes [WSJ] $$$ Flood of Errant Trades Is a Black Eye for Wall Street [NYT] $$$ PokerStars Strikes U.S. Deal to Buy Full Tilt Poker [Bloomberg] $$$ Australian Billionaire Reportedly Planning to Clone a Dinosaur for Jurassic Park-Themed Resort [NYO] $$$ The Federal Highway Administration is looking for a financial policy advisor in D.C., if that might be of interest to you [DBCC] $$$ Nationalising RBS on the table [FT] $$$ The Facebook Flip: Funds Exit Early [WSJ] $$$ What the U.S. Postal Service Default Really Means [BBW] $$$ London mayor gets stuck on zip line during Olympic celebration [NYDN]

Martin Shkreli down to zero jobs; Chipotle can't catch a break; "Star Wars" is box-office DeathStar; "Lenny Dykstra Plays Bad Santa At Strip Club"; and more!

Greece must jump hoops for cash; Biotech bidding war; Bitcoins; "New Mexico School To Hold 'Prom-munism': Communism-themed Dance"; AND MORE.

Feds signal June increase is on the table; Wells Fargo cuts Valeant; Woman Robbed Bank While Babysitting Kids, Police Say; and more.

JPM warns on economy; Fed predicted to raise 3x in 2016; Backstreet Boy Nick Carter busted in Florida bar fight; and more.

$$$ Fed Proposes Broad Guidelines for Foreign Banks [WSJ] $$$ UBS Libor Pact Said to Include Charges Against Bankers [Bloomberg] $$$ SEC has examined Bank of America mortgage repurchases [Reuters] $$$ China investors grow angry at mud-slinging [FT] $$$ VIDEO: "Big Write-Offs Will Inspire You," Top AIG Exec Raps About Bailout [MoJo] $$$ Best Buy Gives Founder More Time to Make a Bid [DealBook] $$$ Apple Falls as UBS Projects Growth Slowdown [Bloomberg] $$$ This is a story about conversion-free contingent convertible notes [Euromoney] $$$ This is a story about an ad hoc group of sewer warrant holders [Bloomberg] $$$ "There's also the fear that admissions officers could develop Sandy fatigue. 'That's the risk, that everyone from New Jersey or New York is going to be writing about Sandy,' said Nicole Oringer, a private admissions counselor." [WSJ]