$$$ Hedge fund scorecard 2012: Mortgage masters win, Paulson on bottom again [Reuters] $$$ Watchdog Says U.S. Treasury Failed to Curb AIG, GM Pay [Bloomberg] $$$ Buffett Said to Have Expressed Interest in Buying NYSE Euronext [DealBook] $$$ Yahoo Profit Drops but Revenue Rises [CNBC] $$$ Henry Blodget got on a plane and the plane went way up in the sky and it was good to be on the plane but then there was pee-pee on the plane and the pee-pee wasn't good [BI, but mostly Twitter] $$$ A global financial firm is looking for a quant in New York [DBCC] $$$ Jana Chides Agrium Over CEO Comments [Deal Journal] $$$ FTC Action Leads Court to Halt Alleged Pyramid Scheme [FTC] $$$ People don't want to kill robots [NPR] $$$ Here is an amazing picture of the Queen of the Netherlands, who quit today [Qz]

$$$ JPMorgan is the best place to work, according to the Vault Guide [DealBook] $$$ "Morgan Stanley's wealth management chief, Greg Fleming, has just concluded a seven-city tour of the firm’s brokerage offices in an attempt to stem a broker revolt over the company’s new technology system that contains so many glitches that brokers often cannot sign-up new clients." [FBN, earlier] $$$ Ex-Jet Chrebet Among Top Wealth Managers Leaving Morgan Stanley for Barclays [Deal Journal] $$$ A fourth trader under scrutiny in JPM "Whale" probe [Reuters] $$$ "What the ECB is doing, in essence, is setting itself up as the shadow government of Italy, Spain, Portugal, and perhaps Ireland." [Slate / Matt Yglesias] $$$ Court to decide if lap dancing is a tax-exempt art form [USAT] $$$ Morgan Stanley Smith Barney is looking for a suspicious activity monitoring and investigations analyst [DBCC] $$$ Greenhill Expands Capital Advisory Group [DealBook] $$$ Investors are buying California school district bonds [WSJ] $$$ The ‘mystery Libor’ precedent [FTAV] $$$ Why Yes, It Is Time for Homemade Satellites [BBW] $$$ What Famous People Smell Like [The Awl]

Jefferies sued over 'women as sex objects' culture; Ex-Yellen aide thinks rate hike would be a bad idea; "7-Eleven offers 'Date Night' delivery of ice cream and condoms"; and more.

$$$ Central banks ready to combat Greek market storm [Reuters] $$$ Things to know about the London Whale and capital models [DEM] $$$ Things to know about TARGET2 balances [Felix Salmon] $$$ Things to know about EFSF and ESM leverage and guarantees [TF] $$$ Here is a behavioral economics paper with the keywords "anti-social behaviour, nastiness, money-burning" [Universitat Jaume via Robin Hanson] $$$ "I have been a judge in the Miss Universe pageant three times, and I assure you it is not fixed. Even though Donald Trump made it very clear to us whom he would vote for, I always voted my conscience. ... I voted for the contestant I thought was the most beautiful." [The Daily] $$$ You should really think about becoming a credit analyst for BNP Paribas in New York [DBCC] $$$ Quest Software Brings in Competing Bid Using Clever Corporate Engineering [Dealpolitik] $$$ Maiden Lane Loans Repaid, but Assets Still Need to Be Sold [DealBook] $$$ Ray Dalio Is Building a Baseball Card Collection [NYM] $$$ The Nobel Foundation lost some money in the stock market [Fortune] $$$ Man Who Saved Mouse from Being Eaten By Cat Catches Black Plague [Gawker]

$$$ Excited for Whale day? [Reuters] $$$ Banks’ Libor costs may hit $22bn [FT] $$$ Bain Starts Raising Buyout Fund With $6 Billion Target [Bloomberg] $$$ PFG Employee Files Lawsuit for Wages so he could afford the new leash, harness and doggie bed he had bought for Apple, his terrier mix [FINS] $$$ Piggy bank has a new meaning in a town east of Vienna after a surveillance camera caught a wild pig on a night foray to a local branch of one of Austria’s financial institutions. The Austria Press Agency reports that the inquisitive porker managed to push open a locked sliding glass door of a bank in Hainburg an der Donau to make its way inside. After looking around, it left the same way it came without causing significant damage, with the door locking behind it. [AP] $$$ A prominent broker-dealer is looking for a junior non-agency mortgage trader [DBCC] $$$ Richard Posner: Why There Are Too Many Patents in America [Atlantic] $$$ Goldman recruits former Treasury spokesman [FT] $$$ In spite of the Barclays scandal, LIBOR product continues to do well [Sober Look] $$$ Here you will find NSFW pictures of dinosaur loving [Daily Mail]

$$$ Happy Birthday, Jamie Dimon [DealBook] $$$ There's a pope [DI] $$$ EU May Put Short-Term Bank Creditors in Firing Line for Losses [Bloomberg] $$$ End Looming for Paper Certificates [WSJ] $$$ Is Insider Selling A Concern? (No) [TBP] $$$ I Emailed the CEO of Bank of America to Fix My Credit Score (And He Did) [The Billfold] $$$ A high frequency trading fund is looking for a senior compliance officer in New York [DBCC] $$$ Former Pimco Executive Files, Then Withdraws, Suit Alleging Misconduct [DealBook] $$$ Lehman creditors can question 'London Whale' - judge [Reuters] $$$ New Dell suitors don't make much sense [Fortune] $$$ Goldman Sachs ventures west for annual meeting in Salt Lake City [Reuters] $$$ New York City to Ban Awls [The Awl]

Brady Dougan says Credit Suisse got too big; Kleiner Perkins wants $1 million from Ellen Pao but is willing to deal; JPM closes pot accounts; Bra Bandit strikes again; and more.

Hank Paulson tells China to be very afraid; Banks' first quarter trading revenue = cautious optimism; Slovakia telecom IPO comin' at ya; "Man rides 11 miles on hood of SUV in Pennsylvania"; and more.