Opening Bell: 1.11.16 - Dealbreaker

Opening Bell: 1.11.16

UBS v Goldman; Oil; Apple; "Suspect ordered to eat 48 bananas to recover swallowed gold chain"; and more.
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It's Ermotti Versus Blankfein in China as UBS Pledges Expansion (Bloomberg)
UBS and Goldman Sachs are the only foreign firms that can offer a full range of services in China through their securities joint ventures, a key advantage over rivals. With long-dominant local firms like Citic Securities Co. under pressure from a government crackdown on financial-industry misconduct, Ermotti is eyeing a rare opportunity to take market share.

Oil Seen Heading to $20 by Morgan Stanley on Dollar Strength (Bloomberg)
Oil is particularly leveraged to the dollar and may fall between 10 to 25 percent if the currency gains 5 percent, Morgan Stanley analysts including Adam Longson said in a research note dated Jan. 11. A global glut may have pushed oil prices under $60 a barrel, but the difference between $35 and $55 is primarily the U.S. dollar, according to the report.

Investor group offers to buy American Apparel for $300 million (Reuters)
The offer, which includes $90 million of new equity and a $40 million term loan, has the support of American Apparel founder and former Chief Executive Dov Charney, Hagan Capital and Silver Creek said on Monday.

Apple is in a 'disastrous' situation: Trader (CNBC)
Looking at the tech giant's long-term chart, Gordon noted that the long-term uptrend is in danger of being breached. "We are on the verge of a technical breakdown," he said. "If we push through the $96 level in Apple, that's a big problem." If that uptrend line were to break, Gordon projected that the stock could fall as low as $81.

Suspect ordered to eat 48 bananas to recover swallowed gold chain (UPI)
Ghaware was presented with four dozen bananas and ordered to eat them in an attempt to recover the chain. The tactic was successful and the chain passed through the suspect's system Friday, police said...The chain's owner decided to keep the item in a plastic bag and took it to a local jeweler to exchange for a new piece untainted by the suspect's digestive tract, police said.

Drug Makers Shire and Baxalta Agree to a $31 Billion Union (Dealbook)
Under the terms of the deal announced on Monday, Shire would pay $45.57 in cash and shares, or a total of $31 billion. That price represents a 37.5 percent premium to Baxalta’s share price before Shire first announced in August that it had made a takeover approach. Based on the 30 trading day volume-weighted average of Shire’s stock, however, the deal is valued at $47.50 a share, or about $32 billion.

Fed Eyes Margin Rules to Bolster Oversight (WSJ)
Margin requirements—rules limiting what portion of stocks or bonds can be purchased through borrowing—are moving up the Fed’s to-do list as officials fret about whether they have adequate tools to suppress dangerous asset bubbles that could lead to another financial crisis. They also allow the Fed to exert influence on all financial firms, not just banks.

Upstart IEX exchanges blows with investors over high-frequency trading (NYP)
The biggest bone of contention: IEX wants to slow down trading from broker dealers — except for IEX’s own electronic router, excluding it from the proposed 320-microsecond delay implemented for everyone else. That proposal has potential competitors and angry market-watchers jamming the switchboards to DC regulators.

Python Bites Woman On The Nose As She Goes In For Kiss (HP)
A Chinese tourist got a terrifying surprise when going to smooch a reticulated python at an animal park in Thailand over the weekend. Video posted online shows the serpent surging up into the air, locking its jaws onto the woman's nose and refusing to let go. The Phuket News identified the tourist as 29-year-old Jin Jing. Bystanders scream out in horror as the animal's two handlers desperately try to remove it from the woman's face. The clip then cuts out. The snake was eventually detached and the woman was taken to Phuket International Hospital, where she received five stitches in her nose, according to The Phuket News.

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Opening Bell: 03.16.12

Mayor Bloomberg Visits Goldman Employees After Smith Op-Ed (BW) “The mayor stopped by to make clear that the company is a vital part of the city’s economy, and the kind of unfair attacks that we’re seeing can eventually hurt all New Yorkers,” said Stu Loeser, a spokesman for the mayor. Bloomberg visited the firm Thursday and met with Chief Executive Officer Lloyd C. Blankfein and numerous employees, Loeser said. Italy Said To Pay Morgan Stanley $3.4 Billion (Bloomberg) When Morgan Stanley said in January it had cut its “net exposure” to Italy by $3.4 billion, it didn’t tell investors that the nation paid that entire amount to the bank to exit a bet on interest rates. Italy, the second-most indebted nation in the European Union, paid the money to unwind derivative contracts from the 1990s that had backfired, said a person with direct knowledge of the Treasury’s payment. It was cheaper for Italy to cancel the transactions rather than to renew, said the person, who declined to be identified because the terms were private. Client Slams Goldman Slowness to Give Reassurances (Reuters) PG, a Dutch investment adviser that runs 300 billion euros of assets for more than 4.5 million people in the Netherlands, said it was surprised it took the Wall Street bank more than a day to offer APG any reassurance on points raised in Greg Smith's resignation letter. "We would have expected that a company that faces such a big media backlash over something so core to their business such as client trust would have instantly reached out to those clients to say something," APG spokesman Harmen Geers told Reuters. Banks Desire Assets Tied To AIG Bailout (WSJ) A potential sale of the CDOs by the New York Fed in the coming months, plus the government's recent decision to resume selling some of its AIG stock, could set the stage for the U.S. to recover the bulk of its money from the bailout before the presidential elections this year. Learning From The Spurned And Tipsy Fruit Fly (NYT) They were young males on the make, and they struck out not once, not twice, but a dozen times with a group of attractive females hovering nearby. So they did what so many men do after being repeatedly rejected: they got drunk, using alcohol as a balm for unfulfilled desire. And not one flew off in search of a rotting banana. Fruit flies apparently self-medicate just like many humans do, drowning their sorrows or frustrations for some of the same reasons, scientists reported Thursday. Male flies subjected to what amounted to a long tease — in a glass tube, not a dance club — preferred food spiked with alcohol far more than male flies that were able to mate. Buffett Awards Wall Street-Sized Pay Praised by Dimon (Bloomberg) Warren Buffett, who has said banker greed helped deepen the U.S. financial crisis, attracts the workers he wants with compensation that competes with Wall Street awards. Berkshire gave $17.4 million in 2011 compensation to Thomas P. Nerney, CEO of its United States Liability Insurance Group; $12.4 million to Geico Corp. CEO Tony Nicely and the National Indemnity Co. unit gave $9.26 million to Ajit Jain, according to filings to state regulators. Berkshire, which is set to send its annual-meeting notice to shareholders today, said in last year’s proxy that Buffett’s salary remains $100,000 at his request. St. Patrick's Day Message: Ireland Isn't Greece (CNBC) As large parts of the world turn green to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, the Irish Prime Minister Enda Kenny has been flying the green, white and gold flag on a charm offensive around the world. enny is packing in trips to London, China and New York within a couple of weeks in an effort to carry forward the country’s gradual return to economic health, which has been based largely on attracting foreign investment. He opens the New York Stock Exchange on Monday, after visiting at the White House over the weekend. “This is a very important push for Ireland,” Irish businessman Barry Maloney, founder and general partner at venture capital firm Balderton Capital, told CNBC. Kozlowski in NYC work release (NYP) Convicted in 2005 of looting his company, Kozlowski was transferred from an upstate prison to the Lincoln Correctional Facility, a minimum-security site on Manhattan’s 110th Street near Fifth Avenue, on the north border of the park. He leaves every weekday morning to participate in a work-release program, said Peter Cutler, a spokesman for the New York State Department of Corrections and Community Supervision. Kozlowski is still serving a prison sentence of 8 1/3 to 25 years, Officials Cool On Yuan-Swap Proposal (WSJ) Amid growing interest in turning London into a trading hub for the Chinese yuan, some bankers have proposed to U.K financial authorities to adopt a tool increasingly used by China's central bank to foster yuan liquidity overseas: bilateral currency-swap agreements. The bankers are pushing for the Bank of England to sign a currency-swap deal withits Chinese counterpart, according to banking executives involved in the discussions. Such a deal, they say, could help foreign banks get hold of yuan and supply the currency to customers. DA grilling two 'hookers' and 'money launderer' in case of alleged madam (NYP) Court transcripts and other records, along with sources familiar with the case, indicate that the two alleged prostitutes and a mysterious “laundry man” — identified only as a 68-year-old Russian-American — have met privately with authorities to save their own hides and clinch a case against Gristina and her suspected cohort, Jaynie Mae Baker. One of the women has admitted privately to having turned tricks for Gristina at her alleged East 78th Street “brothel,” a source said. Prosecutors have engaged in hush-hush negotiations with alleged call girls Mhairiangela “Maz” Bottone, 30, and Catherine DeVries, 31 — who are both charged with prostitution, according to court documents — and with the alleged money launderer, named only as “John Doe” by authorities.

Opening Bell: 09.10.12

US To Slash Stake In AIG (WSJ) The U.S. Treasury Department said it will sell $18 billion of American International Group Inc., slashing its stake in the New York company by more than half and making the government a minority shareholder for the first time since the financial crisis was roaring in September 2008. Banks Rethinking Executive Compensation (WSJ) At J.P. Morgan, the biggest U.S. bank by assets, directors are considering lower 2012 bonuses for Chief Executive James Dimon and other top executives in the wake of a multibillion-dollar trading disaster, said people close to the discussions. But they also are grappling with the question of how to do that without drastically reducing the executives' take-home pay, the people said. More than 93% of Mr. Dimon's $23 million in compensation last year came from either stock- or cash-based bonuses. Citigroup's board, meanwhile, is expected to decide this fall how to fine-tune next year's compensation plan to win broader support among investors, people familiar with the situation said. Former UBS trader faces trial over $2.3 billion losses (Reuters) Investment banker Kweku Adoboli, who was arrested a year ago when the huge losses came to light, has pleaded not guilty to two charges of fraud and two of false accounting related to disastrous trades that UBS says were unauthorized. "Given how serious the consequences of the incident were, we must assume that UBS's culture and practices will be examined during the course of the trial," UBS chief executive Sergio Ermotti told the bank's staff last week. "As uncomfortable as the entire trial will be for UBS, it will show us what the consequences are when misconduct occurs or when individuals do not take their responsibilities seriously," he wrote in an internal message published on its website. Alligators, Bearded Dragons Among Wild Animals Seized in Brooklyn Raid (DNAI) Police seized 13 exotic animals, including alligators, bearded dragons, and a tarantula in the raid of a public housing unit Friday, police said. On Friday afternoon at 1:30 p.m., Animal Care and Control officers removed five pythons and a boa constrictor, as well as two alligators, two bearded dragons, a gecko, a scorpion, and a tarantula, from the fifth-floor apartment of a Crown Heights public housing complex called the Weeksville Houses, police said, as part of an ongoing investigation. ‘Lead or Leave Euro’, Soros Tells Germany (FT) “Lead or leave: this is a legitimate decision for Germany to make,” the billionaire financier and philanthropist said in an interview with the Financial Times. “Either throw in your fate with the rest of Europe, take the risk of sinking or swimming together, or leave the euro, because if you have left, the problems of the eurozone would get better.” Few Hedgies Kicking Butt (NYP) There are some bright spots in hedge fund land, however, thanks in large part to Apple, which has long been a favored holding of the funds seeded by or spun out of Julian Robertson’s Tiger Management. Chase Coleman’s Tiger Global, which he co-manages with Feroz Dewan, gained 21 percent through August, and the flagship of Lee Ainslee’s Maverick Capital, one of the original Tiger cubs, rose 20 percent. Deutsche Bank Chiefs To Unveil Plans (WSJ) A major question is whether Deutsche Bank will need to raise capital. Tougher regulatory capital requirements are being phased in starting next year, and the bank will need as much as €10 billion to meet the new targets, analysts say. Nomura CEO Sees Overseas Units Posting Profit by June 2014 (Bloomberg) Nomura Holdings’s Koji Nagai, who took over as chief executive officer last month, said he plans to make overseas operations profitable by June 2014 at Japan’s largest brokerage. “We are not going to lower the flag as a global bank,” Nagai, 53, said in an interview in Tokyo on Sept. 7. “We want be an Asia-based global investment bank.” Schumer: Newfangled detergent 'pods' look too much like candy (NYDN) The Consumer Product Safety Commission should crack down on detergent companies whose superconcentrated cleanser “pods” look so much like candy that even a sitting senator wanted to gobble one. Since April, 40 local children in the city have mistakenly downed the colorful laundry packs such as Tide Pods, leading to numerous hospitalizations, some emergency intestinal surgery, and pangs of hunger of Sen. Charles Schumer. “The incidents are skyrocketing,” Schumer said Sunday joined by several medical professionals. “These pods were supposed to make household chores easier, not tempt our children to swallow harmful chemicals. I saw one on my staffer's desk and I wanted to eat it.”

Opening Bell: 08.09.12

J.P. Morgan Cites 'Material Weakness' In Restated First-Quarter Results (WSJ) JPMorgan admitted to a "material weakness" in the bank's internal controls in filing restated first-quarter results, which included the loss resulting from ill-placed investment hedges. The company's restated first-quarter profit of $4.92 billion, down $459 million from the original report, matched what the company announced last month. n a filing Thursday with the Securities and Exchange Commission, J.P.Morgan said it "determined that a material weakness existed in the firm's internal control over financial reporting as of March 31, 2012." The bank reiterated that remedies had been taken but that "management's internal review" of the matter is continuing. Ex-UBS Traders Offered Deal By US In Interest Probe (WSJ) U.S. prosecutors have agreed to shield several former UBS employees from criminal charges in return for their cooperation with the escalating investigation of suspected interest-rate manipulation, according to a person close to the probe. The leniency deal was offered to former traders and other employees who had relatively junior-level jobs at the Swiss bank, the person said. In U.K., a Backlash Over Standard Chartered Probe (WSJ) U.K. officials moved Wednesday to defend Standard Chartered PLC, stoking the controversy over charges that it broke New York state banking rules in a decadelong campaign to hide its financial dealings with Iran. The company lashed out at the state's top banking regulator, saying a threat this week to strip the U.K.'s fifth-biggest bank of its New York state banking license was based on a "factually inaccurate" assessment. In an unusual public counterattack, some U.K. political figures accused the regulator of seeking to undermine London as a financial center, and Bank of England governor Mervyn King urged against a rush to judgment. StanChart Could Countersue US Regulator (FT) The bank’s legal advisers believe “there is a case” for claiming reputational damage, according to two people close to the situation, although Standard Charter is conscious of the delicacy of taking an aggressive stance towards its regulators. U.S. Jobless Claims Unexpectedly Fall As Labor Market Mends (Bloomberg) Jobless claims unexpectedly dropped by 6,000 to 361,000 in the week ended Aug. 4, Labor Department figures showed today in Washington. The median forecast of 43 economists surveyed by Bloomberg News called for an increase to 370,000. A spokesman for the agency said there was nothing unusual in the data. Goldman Sachs Leads Split With Obama (Bloomberg) Four years ago, employees of New York-based Goldman gave three-fourths of their campaign donations to Democratic candidates and committees, including presidential nominee Barack Obama. This time, they’re showering 70 percent of their contributions on Republicans. Black bear carefully raids Colorado candy shop; dirt left on counter but nothing broken (AP) A black bear went in and out of a Colorado candy store multiple times early one July morning, but he used the front door and didn’t break a thing. The bear did, however, steal some treats from the Estes Park store, including English toffee and some chocolate-chip cookies dipped in caramel and milk chocolate called “cookie bears.” Surveillance video at the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory showed the bear prying open the door and grabbing some candy near the registers. He took the treats outside and ate them, then returned for more. The bear made seven trips in about 15 minutes, finally leaving after a passing car apparently scared him away. Store owner Jo Adams said Wednesday the bear managed to pop open the door because the deadbolt wasn’t completely secured. She said the only evidence her mindful visitor left behind was some dirt on a counter and some paper on the ground. There weren’t even any wrappers, so she assumes he ate those too. “He was very clean and very careful. He ate a lot of candy,” said Adams of the bear break-in, first reported by the Estes Park News. Knight Held $7 Billion Of Stocks Due To Glitch (WSJ) Knight Capital was holding about $7 billion of stocks at one point on Wednesday last week—a far bigger figure than previously known—as a result of errant trades that forced it to seek emergency funding, according to people familiar with the matter. Knight's traders worked frantically Aug. 1 to sell shares while trying to minimize losses due to a software problem, ultimately paring the total position to about $4.6 billion by the end of the trading day, the people said. The position led to a $440 million loss that forced Knight to seek a rescue, agreeing on a $400 million funding package this past weekend from a group of investors. The higher exposure shows that Knight's problems could have been worse. Still, the $4.6 billion position would have prevented Knight from opening for business the next day. The brokerage firm would have lacked the capital required by regulators to offset risks from holding the stocks, said the people. Monti Takes Off Gloves In Euro Zone Fight (Reuters) No more Mr. Nice Italian Prime Minister. Competitive eater ‘Furious Pete’ chows down on 2012 Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps’ daily diet - in 30 minutes (NYDN) Michael Phelps consumes over 12,000 calories a day. Can you imagine if he did it in 30 minutes? Competitive eater "Furious Pete" set out to do just that in a video making the rounds on the Internet that is as jaw-dropping as it is nausea-inducing. Pete Czerwinski chows down on an impressive array of dishes: three fried-egg sandwiches, three chocolate chip pancakes, a five-egg omelet, three sugar-coated slices of French toast, a bowl of grits, pasta with sauce, two ham and cheese sandwiches on white bread (with mayo), a pepperoni pizza, and cans upon cans of energy drinks. The massive meal - which closely matches the Olympic gold medalist's alleged daily diet - comes to a whopping total of 12,300 calories. Many YouTube users, however, say they're not completely convinced by Furious Pete's video, which was cut down from 30 minutes to four minutes, "so that you wouldn't get bored," Czerwinski explained. "Look at the clothes in the corner, they are moved during the video, so it wasn't done in one take. sloppy editing ;)" user Kristaps Straumens wrote. Others defended the Canadian consumer, who's achieved viral fame over the past several years for videos such as "Most Ferrero Rocher Chocolates Eaten in One Minute" and "Eating the World's Hottest Pepper." "The guy has eaten an 8 pound burger. You think? he would fake this?" user xJDKx wrote. Czerwinski's career as a competitive eater began in an unlikely way. He was admitted to hospital at age 16 for complications stemming from anorexia. Over the next five years, he slowly recovered, building up his weight and getting fit through body building. It wasn't until 2007, when Czerwinski sat down with several of his pals at a restaurant and realized that he could out eat them all in record time, that the idea of “Furious Pete” started to take form.

Opening Bell: 7.30.15

Zuckerberg tells Wall Street to chill; Petco IPO; Clinton & UBS; "A Vancouver man was taken into police custody after a standoff that featured the suspect serenading officers with a banjo"; and more.

Opening Bell: 2.25.15

Oil; Apple; Greece; Brisket Bandits; "How an Undocumented Immigrant From Mexico Became a Star at Goldman Sachs"; AND MORE.

Opening Bell: 03.22.12

Goldman conducts company-wide email review (Reuters) Goldman Sachs Group Inc has begun scanning internal emails for the term "muppet" and other evidence that employees referred to clients in derogatory ways, Chief Executive Lloyd Blankfein told partners in a conference call this week, according to people familiar with the call...It was not clear when the search would be completed or what actions, if any, Goldman would take if the search turns up derogatory comments. Jobless Claims in U.S. Fall to Lowest Level in Four Years (Bloomberg) Jobless claims decreased by 5,000 to 348,000 in the week ended March 17, the fewest since February 2008, Labor Department figures showed today in Washington. The median forecast of 46 economists in a Bloomberg News survey projected 350,000. The number of people on unemployment benefit rolls and those getting extended payments also fell. ‘Worst Still to Come’ for Europe Says Citi Economist (CNBC) Despite high-profile measures such as the Greek debt deal and mass pumping of liquidity into the banking system, Europe’s problems have merely been delayed for another day, Willem Buiter, chief economist at Citi, told CNBC. “We have really just paused for breath,” he said. “It (the long-term refinancing operation) really hasn’t solved the problem, and for Europe the worst is still to come.” On Wall St., Keeping a Tight Rein on Twitter (Dealbook) So a cottage industry has emerged. Adept start-ups act as guides on Wall Street’s social media adventure, providing the software that helps firms comply with regulations that date to a sleepier era of communication. “Here they were, these organizations that had never used the social networks because they had completely locked down access,” said Chad Bockius, the chief executive of Socialware, a start-up based in Austin, Tex., that advises financial firms on social media. “This is the same thing we saw when people started to use the Internet for business purposes.” Mr. Bockius, 35, says his company was the first to offer social media compliance products for the financial industry. Socialware sells software that can archive messages, house a library of prewritten content and allow compliance officers to oversee postings. Morgan Stanley Smith Barney, which Mr. Bockius holds up as one of his most enterprising clients, gave about 600 of its 17,800 financial advisers access to Twitter and LinkedIn last summer, and now plans to expand those ranks. “We’re trailblazing, so to speak,” said Lauren W. Boyman, who runs social media at Morgan Stanley Smith Barney. “Even with the restrictions that we have, we’ve seen a lot of success.” John Edwards is First Name Uncovered in 'Millionaire Madam' Investigation (DNAI via Daily Intel) Edwards allegedly hooked up with one of Gristina’s high-end hookers in 2007 when the dashing pol from North Carolina brought his then high-flying presidential campaign to the Big Apple. The one-night fling allegedly took place at an Upper East Side hotel suite and was arranged by an aide with help from a New Yorker familiar with Gristina’s prostitution ring, sources said...“Most of the women don’t have any idea about the identities of the men they sleep with,” a source explained. “How would they know a money man from Wall Street or the face of a lawyer or banker who shows up? “But the face of the national politician?” the source rhetorically asked. “She knew.” Volcker Says U.S. Needs Reforms in Finance, Government (Bloomberg) “It is not only our economic prosperity that’s in jeopardy, but our national security and our ability to play a constructive role in a changing world,” said Volcker, 84. Volcker said that progress has been made toward improving financial regulatory oversight, capital and liquidity standards and rules for derivatives. He said more needed to be done to regulate money market mutual funds, which he called “a new systemic risk,” and to rebuild a private market for home mortgages to replace the government-sponsored entities that dominate the business. “The reform report card still reads, ‘Promising but definitely incomplete,’” Volcker said. More Wings, Please — Signs Small Biz Is Improving (AP) Some diners at Hurricane Grill & Wings had been limiting themselves to a small order of the chain's saucy chicken wings and a glass of tap water. These days, many of those people are upgrading to a bigger order of as many as 15 wings and a soda. For Hurricane Grill, which sells its wings in more than 30 varieties of sauces, the larger plates and the sodas are a sign that customers are OK about spending a little more when they go out to eat. The evidence may not be a big economic report like gross domestic product or factory orders in a region, but small businesses have their own indicators that the economy is improving. Rich Would Skirt 'Buffett Rule' Report Shows (WSJ) The administration's proposal to end the Bush-era tax cuts for couples making more than $250,000 would raise about $850 billion over the next decade. Mr. Obama also wants to limit the value of many deductions for families making more than $250,000. That would raise a further $584 billion over the decade. But millionaires likely would find legal ways to avoid paying higher taxes under another of Mr. Obama's new tax proposals, his so-called "Buffett Rule," a separate congressional estimate found. The proposal—spelled out in Mr. Obama's State of the Union address but not included in his budget—would impose a 30% minimum tax rate on those who make more than $1 million a year. It's named for the billionaire investor Warren Buffett, who advocates higher taxes on the very wealthy. Taxpayers' likely efforts to sidestep the rule's impact mean it would raise about $47 billion in extra revenue over the next decade, according to a new estimate by the nonpartisan Joint Committee on Taxation, a congressional advisory body that functions as the official congressional scorekeeper for legislation affecting government tax revenues. The Tax Policy Center had estimated the Buffett rule would raise about $114 billion over the next decade. Monster titanoboa snake invades New York (AP) New York commuters arriving at Grand Central Station will soon be greeted by a monstrous sight: a 48-foot-long, 2,500-pound titanoboa snake. The good news: It's not alive. Anymore. But the full-scale replica of the reptile -- which will make its first appearance at the commuter hub on March 22 -- is intended, as Smithsonian spokesperson Randall Kremer happily admitted, to "scare the daylights out of people" -- actually has a higher calling: to "communicate science to a lot of people." The scientifically scary-accurate model will go a long way toward that: If this snake slithered by you, it would be waist-high and measure the length of a school bus. Think of it as the T-rex of snakes.

Bananas

Opening Bell: 9.24.18

Kavanaugh nomination gets murkier; China not done fighting; Comcast getting SKy; Bananas full of cocaine; and more!

Lloyd Zoom

Opening Bell: 6.12.17

Lloyd Blankfein trolls and is trolled; Travis Kalanick might be taking a little sabbatical; sometimes you have to eat a book on live television; and more.