As you may have heard, the last number of months have been a bit tough on hedge fund manager Steve Cohen. In November, one of his former employees, Mathew Martoma, was accused of orchestrating "the most lucrative insider trading scheme ever," in a criminal complaint in which Cohen was referenced as Portfolio Manager A. A week later, the Times lopped 21,000 square feet off his house. Earlier this month, he had the pleasure of setting the record for the largest insider trading fine ever, at $614 million, a sum that does not even put this whole thing behind him, as the settlement "doesn't preclude the Securities and Exchange Commission from pursuing Cohen himself in the future." So you'll excuse the Big Guy if he felt the need to indulge in a little retail therapy recently.

And yet no one will make him an offer, despite slashing $36 million off the original asking price. $36 million, people! Who does he have to screw around here to at least get a dialogue going?

He won't, but he *could*.

If it's you, today's your lucky day.

Would-be senior traders are reportedly turning down offers to work at Point72 Asset Management. With Cohen's redoubled recruitment efforts, that'll change.