2016's worst commodity; Ninja Turtles tax fraud; "Couple’s Wedding Night Ruined By Airbnb Renters Who Had A Coke-Fuelled Orgy"; and more.

John Paulson's September not to remember; Gold is back; "Man Sues For $5 Million After Skull Is Crushed By Falling Pine Cone"; and more.

CME Group to close NY trading floor by end of 2016; Argentina v Hedge funds may soon be over; New York man watches 94 hours of TV for Guinness record; and more.

$$$ Spain finalises bank recapitalisation plan [FT] $$$ Bank of America's Moynihan tops list of worst performing CEOs [Fortune] $$$ "Nearly 46 percent of the revenue received by Merrill Lynch's Global Wealth Management unit last year came from just 21 percent of its top-producing brokers, about 2,500 people, according to copies of the reports reviewed by Reuters," which seems sort of low no? [Reuters] $$$ Goldman's trading "huddles" won't disqualify it from doing private placements [SEC.gov, earlier] $$$ Lawsuit Claims Texas Constable Forced Deputy to ‘Motorboat’ Her Breasts [ATL] $$$ A bank in New York is looking for a Basel II modeler - could it be you? [DBCC] $$$ Hedge Fund Inflows Slowing, a Report Indicates [DealBook] $$$ Peter Orszag seems to think strange things about the marginal utility of money [Bloomberg, earlier] $$$ Carlyle Falls Below Offer Price as Rubenstein Plan Fails. FYI the plan was "have stock go up." [Bloomberg] $$$ Space-Taxi Race Gets a New Player [WSJ] $$$ Accused madam yelled at by judge after attempting to switch defense team again [NYP]

$$$ Hedge fund performance YTD: Paul Tudor Jones +1.59%, David Einhorn +3.7%, Dan Loeb +3.9%, HFRX Global Index +1.22%, S&P +8% [Reuters] $$$ For Fletcher Investors: Unhappy Returns and, So Far, No Refunds [WSJ] $$$ Money market funds close after ECB cut [FT] $$$ CNBC thinks it's important to report the "hot news story" of Libor manipulation without mentioning Libor, for some reason [CNBC] $$$ Marxism is back [Guardian] $$$ Massachusetts man pays off mortgage with pennies [AP] $$$ A Chicago hedge fund is looking for a quant trader/ quant strategist to join a high frequency trading team [DBCC] $$$ Italy Approves €4.5 Billion in Spending Cuts for 2012 [WSJ] $$$ Commercial Mortgages Show How Bad It Got [NYT] $$$ Reverse mortgages: the celebrity pitchman aren’t even the worst part [Reuters / Ben Walsh] $$$ You can predict the outcome of negotiations and business pitches without hearing a word by observing the ratio of speaking to listening and the amount of voice fluctuation [Farnam Street] $$$ It's going to be 105 degrees in New York tomorrow, so that's nice [DI]

$$$ European Union Proposes Central Banking Regulator [NYT] $$$ Spain says markets closing on it, seeks help for banks [Reuters] $$$ Ken Lewis's script to tell John Thain he was worried about Merrill's losses [Deal Journal] $$$ Using Confidential Information in a Hostile Offer [Harvard Law] $$$ Mitt Romney Surprised That Tall Man ‘Wasn’t in Sport’ [DI] $$$ Alpine Woods Capital Investors is looking for an experienced equity income Associate Portfolio Manager/Analyst in Westchester [DBCC] $$$ Hedge Funds Failing To Deliver Taxes To Connecticut [Bloomberg] $$$ Have a Bad Boss? Treat Him Like a Toddler [CNBC] $$$ Thomas H. Lee to Take Control of Party City [WSJ] $$$ Lax bros. Lax bros. [Boston Globe]

$$$ Geithner: Ready to Go Over 'Cliff' If Taxes Don't Rise [CNBC] $$$ Republicans weigh swallowing tax hike on the wealthy [Reuters] $$$ SEC's Top Markets Official to Leave [WSJ] $$$ Wells Fargo Banker Sued by SEC in Probe of Insider Trading [Bloomberg] $$$ Paulson Says Real-Estate Fund Performing Well [WSJ] $$$ John McAfee Seeks Asylum, Thanks God for 'Sanity' [ABC] $$$ A Chicago-based proprietary trading firm is looking to hire a quantitative futures analyst/trader [DBCC] $$$ Facebook To Join QQQ’s Index Dec. 12 [IndexUniverse] $$$ Nasdaq attorney calls on SEC to review proxy rules [Reuters] $$$ Europe bond market set for holdout reform [FT] $$$ Will Citi's Massive Layoffs Be Enough? [CNBC] $$$ Man Shoots Girlfriend in the Back for Not Taking the Possibility of a Zombie Apocalypse Seriously [Gawker]

$$$ European Economic Outlook Dims Amid Leaders’ Impasse [NYT] $$$ U.S. Bank Lending Falls, Profits Rise [WSJ] $$$ Buffett’s Goldman Deal Is Topic in an Insider Case [DealBook] $$$ Study Finds Germans Incapable of Enjoying Life [Der Spiegel] $$$ This happened: New York nun asks Blankfein if he'll hire her, Blankfein says "I don't think I couldoutbid your current employer" #godswork— Tracy Alloway (@tracyalloway) May 24, 2012 $$$ Man who formerly claimed to be a "certified member of the quiet society of pimps" and asked to be certified as an expert witness in pimpology now says "I was a failure as a pimp. I was a much better car salesman, I was a much better telemarketer, I was much better when I was selling mortgages by phone. I really wasn't very good at it. A lot of it was exaggerated." [NYP, earlier] $$$ A leading electronic trading platform is looking for a CDS / fixed income sales associate [DBCC] $$$ Big European funds dump euro assets [FT] $$$ Facebook market makers' losses total at least $100 million [Reuters] $$$ This is some enjoyable Eliot Spitzer schadenfreude [Concurring Opinions] $$$ "The festival features 10 different types of bacon, plus all things bacon — bacon sausage, bacon meatballs, bacon doughnuts, bacon butterscotch cupcakes — even a walking slab of bacon! There’s a bacon-eating contest, bacon lectures and a bacon song contest — and yes, there’s a crowning of the Bacon Queen! Contestants are asked questions like their favorite memory of bacon, their favorite kind of bacon and their favorite way to cook bacon (the most common answer is “naked,” incidentally)." [CNBC] $$$ Unabomber lists self as ‘prisoner’ in Harvard directory [Boston Globe]