Pershing Square down 26.4% YTD; JPM and Citi shareholders will vote on breaking up banks; Florida woman fights to keep potty-trained pet alligator; and more.

Recession 2016; Lacker not worried about China in US; Busted Michigan "Sex Toy Bandits" Make Crowdfunding Pitch For Wedding Funds; and more.

$$$ Jury reaches verdict in Apple-Samsung trial [Reuters] $$$ Greece not written off, says Merkel [FT] $$$ RBS closing in on LIBOR settlement [Reuters] $$$ HSBC In Settlement Talks With U.S. Over Money Laundering [Bloomberg] $$$ John Hempton looks at Focus Media [Bronte Capital] $$$ Hey Look, It’s the DMX-”Reading Rainbow” Mashup You Never Knew You Wanted [Popdust] $$$ Highland Capital is looking for a credit trader in Dallas, if that's your thing [DBCC] $$$ Bernanke Letter Defends Fed Actions [WSJ] $$$ The Effectiveness of Unconventional Monetary Policy at the Zero Lower Bound: A Cross-Country Analysis [BIS] $$$ The commodity-basket standard is even dumber than the gold standard [Slate / Matt Yglesias] $$$ "You can’t fight inflation by taxing the wealthy. And since fighting inflation is the primary reason our government would need to raise taxes, the proposals to raise taxes on the wealthy just don’t add up" says MMT true believer John Carney [NetNet] $$$ Olympian Nick Symmonds may have finished a mere fifth in the 800M during the 2012 London Olympics, yet he has redeemed himself completely by downing a beer before running each of the four laps required to complete a mile in record time. ... Symmonds finished his mile (and chugging of 4 beers) in a very impressive 5 minutes and 19 seconds. The mark was good enough for first in US, but only fifth place all-time. “That’s a good first mark,” says Symmonds. “I’ve got some training to do.” [Cosby Sweaters] $$$ Count von Count died [The Awl]

Fed's next decision unclear; "No bonuses for bankers? What will their poor (rich) wives do?"; Florida man arrested for potato chip attack on Walmart employee; and more.

Fed probably won't do anything next week; Citi trader says bosses loved wrongdoing; "Man angers neighbors by shining 'alien' fighting spotlights"; and more.

$$$ S&P 500 Breaks Record [WSJ] $$$ M&A Stumbles Amid March Deal Drought [Bloomberg] $$$ An interview with Athanasios Orphanides: What happened in Cyprus [Economist] $$$ Sarkozy: from the Elysée to private equity [FT] $$$ Embattled DOE-Grant Recipient Changes Name from A123 to B456 [WFB] $$$ Posting will be light tomorrow for Good Friday. Enjoy the holiday; we'll see you back here on Monday. $$$ Dell paying Blackstone's bills [Fortune] $$$ Investors sue RBS over 2008 rights issue [FT] $$$ REITs Trigger Fed Warning as Kain Tops $100 Billion [Bloomberg] $$$ Citi Sails Back Into 'Synthetic' Securities [WSJ] $$$ New York Is ‘By Far the Least Free State’ in America, According to Some People [DI] $$$ THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GITMO STRIKE: Detainees Are Treated Absurdly Well Compared To Business Insider Reporters [BI]

$$$ Facebook to List on Nasdaq [WSJ] $$$ Egan-Jones Cuts US Credit Rating to 'AA,' Citing Debt [CNBC] $$$ Swiss Are Tested on Franc [WSJ] $$$ Jefferies Ends First Quarter With Short Position on Spain [Bloomberg] $$$ ABS shows Greek bonds can pay par [IFR] $$$ Hyenas Give Up Scavenging For Lent [LiveScience via The Hairpin, related?] $$$ Like the NYSE, we’ll be off tomorrow. Enjoy the long weekend and we'll see you Monday. $$$ Jobs News Could Be So Good That It's Bad. Or vice versa? [WSJ] $$$ Architect of Fed’s ‘Operation Twist’ quits [FT] $$$ Kozlowski Is Turned Down for Parole [DealBook] $$$ The Vulcan/Martin Marietta takeover fight is pretty nasty [Dealpolitik] $$$ Why You Should Learn to Love Pink Slime [The Atlantic / Adam Ozimek] $$$ Beer is not the main cause of the the beer belly [Guardian]

$$$ Third Point’s Loeb Warns Yahoo Chief of Looming Proxy Fight [DealBook] $$$ "LightSquared has retained two of the most prominent conservative litigators in the country — Theodore Olson and Eugene Scalia — in a sign it could be preparing to launch a court battle against the FCC." [Politico] $$$ SEC Details Charges Against Pre-IPO Funds [WSJ] $$$ Surprisingly, placing third at the Jewish Olympics makes you only an average ping-pong player [BI] $$$ "Talk about selfish, such accomplishments didn't help anyone but him! There is no customer that will pay for self-indulgent status climbing in irrelevant hierarchies, regardless of how much we encourage our kids to play such games. That is, ping pong is a fabulous avocation, a pathetic vocation." [Falkenblog] $$$ How would you like to be an equity portfolio associate for PIMCO in Newport Beach? [DBCC] $$$ Bernanke says Fed to make bank rules clearer [Reuters] $$$ Pension funds don't want 100-year gilts [FT] $$$ Fitch Revises U.K.’s Sovereign Rating Outlook to Negative [Bloomberg] $$$ Pulitzer Prize-winning financial reporter Jesse Eisinger explains how he prepared for his role in The Social Network: "I became a billionaire to see what it felt like. I already knew about how to be rejected by girls, so that was easy. My role in Zombieland was much more difficult to prepare for." [Reddit] $$$ Former brothel owner makes Olympic team [MSN]