$$$ Gorman Gets a Big Bump in Base Salary [DealBook] $$$ Wasendorf Gets 50 Years [WSJ] $$$ Suit reveals new details of Paulson's role in Goldman Abacus CDO [Reuters] $$$ Tony James thinks private equity should maybe be renamed "clarity equity" [DealBook] $$$ Tony James also thinks that "the hot credit markets are more of a negative" for private equity [Fortune] $$$ No, Obama Will Not Tear Down Reagan’s Childhood Home Brick by Brick [DI] $$$ World Class PhD Modellers - New Jersey - Hedge Fund - say no more [DBCC] $$$ U.S. Sues to Halt Takeover of Modelo [WSJ] $$$ Monte Paschi Rating Cut as Probe Digs Deeper Into Losses [Bloomberg] $$$ "Very few people live their lives with wealth-maximization as their exclusive goal, and if Zuckerberg doesn't want to maximize Facebook's financial value nobody can make him." [Slate / Matt Yglesias] $$$ The perpetualisation of debt [FTAV] $$$ No-Fun Mississippi House Bill Seeks to Outlaw Animal-Human Hybrids [BetaBeat]

$$$ Argentina to Seize Control of Oil Firm [WSJ] $$$ World Bank picks Kim as next head [FT] $$$ Coty Tries to Rally Support for Avon Bid Amid Skepticism [DealBook] $$$ Brazil Cannibal Empanadas: Brazilian Women Murdered, Eaten And Made Into Human Pastries [HuffPo, congrats on the Pulitzer] $$$ PIMCO is looking to fill tax manager positions - in regulated and private funds - in Newport Beach [DBCC] $$$ New York Jets All-Pro D'Brickashaw Ferguson, will be on Wall Street (Exchange Place and Broad Street) at 3:45pm tomorrow as part of The Decathlon 2012. Ferguson will be demonstrating how The Decathlon uses performance-based donating ('charitybets') to raise money to support Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. He'll be charitybetting on any Wall Streeter to come out and participate in a Vertical Jump contest. Ferguson will have a Vertec (devise used at the NFL Combine to test vertical leaping) and a few thousand dollars - CASH - to donate to MSKCC. Jump 24-inches, Ferguson donates $100. Jump $26-inches, Ferguson donates $200. And so on and so forth. Registration for The Decathlon 2012 opens Tuesday, April 17th. The event is on Sunday, July 29th at Columbia University's Wien Stadium. $$$ For Two Economists, the Buffett Rule Is Just a Start [NYT] $$$ Following Other People's Stock Picks Just Got Easier but why? [Bloomberg] $$$ What is Carney talking about? [Reuters / Ben Walsh] $$$ ECB staff demand inflation protection [Money Supply] $$$ Rock Out With Your Cock Out: Penis Warmers Are Now a Thing [Fashionista] $$$ Breasts lead to arrest of Anonymous hacker [CNET]

$$$ Cyprus Rejects Deposit Levy in Blow to European Bailout Plan [Bloomberg] $$$ Cyprus’s bad haircut day [Felix Salmon] $$$ Matt Yglesias's proposals for Cyprus include selling Northern Cyprus to Turkey and Ben Bernanke giving it a €5.8bn present [Slate] $$$ Florida Financier Charged in Facebook IPO Fraud [WSJ] $$$ Credit Suisse sacks around 12 from NY rates team [Reuters] $$$ Goldman Sachs’s Scialla Twins Leave for Home-Design Firm [Bloomberg] $$$ RBC is looking for a research associate to cover medical devices healthcare companies in New York [DBCC] $$$ Activist Fights Draw More Attention [WSJ] $$$ Ackman’s J.C. Penney Losses Signal Buyout Need [Bloomberg] $$$ NFL Teams With Private-Equity Firm to Seek Media, Tech Investments [WSJ] $$$ U.S. Probes Microsoft, Partners Over Bribery Claims [WSJ] $$$ Bigamist attorney, who secretly wed a stripper and got caught, suspended six months [NYDN]

$$$ Nasdaq, Carlyle Discussed Deal [WSJ] $$$ Investing in Water Good Long-Term Bet, Goldman Head Says [Bloomberg] $$$ U.S. judge speeds up schedule in Apple vs Einhorn case [Reuters] $$$ Here you can read a debate about central banking and bubbles [Free Exchange, Money Illusion] $$$ Sports Illustrated Celebrates Launch of the 2013 Swimsuit Franchise by ringing the bell at the NYSE [NYX] $$$ A leading boutique investment bank is looking for a Healthcare associate or VP in New York [DBCC] $$$ Porsche Manipulation Probe Extended to Supervisory Board [Bloomberg] $$$ Bank of New York loses bid for $900 mln tax benefit [Reuters] $$$ RBS chairman says CEO's pay is "modest" [Reuters] $$$ Maker’s Mark Is Watering Down Its Bourbon [Grub Street]

$$$ Geithner: Ready to Go Over 'Cliff' If Taxes Don't Rise [CNBC] $$$ Republicans weigh swallowing tax hike on the wealthy [Reuters] $$$ SEC's Top Markets Official to Leave [WSJ] $$$ Wells Fargo Banker Sued by SEC in Probe of Insider Trading [Bloomberg] $$$ Paulson Says Real-Estate Fund Performing Well [WSJ] $$$ John McAfee Seeks Asylum, Thanks God for 'Sanity' [ABC] $$$ A Chicago-based proprietary trading firm is looking to hire a quantitative futures analyst/trader [DBCC] $$$ Facebook To Join QQQ’s Index Dec. 12 [IndexUniverse] $$$ Nasdaq attorney calls on SEC to review proxy rules [Reuters] $$$ Europe bond market set for holdout reform [FT] $$$ Will Citi's Massive Layoffs Be Enough? [CNBC] $$$ Man Shoots Girlfriend in the Back for Not Taking the Possibility of a Zombie Apocalypse Seriously [Gawker]

$$$ Osborne lobbies Geithner on StanChart [FT] $$$ Carlyle to Acquire Asset Manager TCW From SocGen [WSJ] $$$ Goldman Cleared in Mortgage Investigation [DealBook] $$$ Manchester United prices IPO below range, valuing club at $2.3 billion [Reuters] $$$ DC Man Orders TV From Amazon, Gets Assault Rifle Instead [USAT] $$$ A New York boutique firm is looking for a special situation analyst to analyze its special situations [DBCC] $$$ Yahoo May Reverse Alibaba Cash Plans [WSJ] $$$ Chesapeake Energy in U.S. antitrust probe [Reuters] $$$ U.S. Text Messaging Champion Is $50,000 Richer [BW] $$$ Naked Man Covered in Crisco Told Police He was ‘Looking for a Place to Party’ [Gawker]

$$$ RBS speeds up investment arm split [Telegraph] $$$ How much value does the finance industry create? [Noahpinion] $$$ Leverage can increase volatility and diversification can reduce risk [WSJ] $$$ Why London hedge fund wives don’t do Switzerland [EFC] $$$ Cheese fire causes traffic meltdown in Norway tunnel [Reuters] $$$ Registration for the 5th annual Decathlon starts today! This year’s competition takes place on July 28th, and also includes monthly “Throw Downs” where all registered Decathletes compete in 1-2 Decathlon events and collect charity bets on head-to-head match-ups (40 yard dash! Pull-ups! Bench press!). All proceeds benefit the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. $$$ A hedge fund in New York is looking for a quantitative macro strategist/economist [DBCC] $$$ Wells Fargo Lifts Quarterly Dividend 14% [FBN] $$$ Deutsche Bank Said to Be Asked by Bafin to Simulate Split [Bloomberg] $$$ Schroders Worker Among FSA Insider-Trading Probe Arrests [Bloomberg] $$$ Is seducing executives in order to get and trade on inside information illegal? [NetNet / John Carney] $$$ ‘Your Cat Is Not Innocent’: New Zealand Man Launches Campaign to Rid Country of Cats [Gawker]

$$$ Cohn Says Banks Other Than Goldman, JPMorgan Retrenching [Bloomberg] $$$ Ex-Goldman trader Taylor pleads guilty to wire fraud [Reuters] $$$ Bundesbank launches Deutsche probe [FT] $$$ Bank of Canada searches far and wide for Carney's successor [Reuters] $$$ Huey Lewis and Weird Al Reenact Classic American Psycho Scene in Honor of Sports’ 30th Birthday [Gawker] $$$ Government Watchdog Faults Regulators Over Foreclosure Review [DealBook] $$$ Royal Bank of Scotland faces $6 billion investor action [Reuters] $$$ Money Is Memory [Izabella Kaminska] $$$ A man caught beating down a 56-year-old woman during a subway robbery in Borough Park wore a college fraternity sweatshirt with his nickname on it, law enforcement sources said. Aidan Folan, 21, was caught on camera wearing his favorite Alpha Phi Delta hoodie with custom lettering on the back that reads, "Stugotz 27," sources added. The Italian slang term roughly translates to "testicles" and is so loved by the suspect he chose it and the number "27" for his Facebook page, sources added. [NYP] $$$ Justin Bieber’s Pet Monkey Quarantined in Germany [Time]