Ex-Deutsche Bank analyst fined, suspended over stock rating; Dairy downturn hurts banks; Man wakes up with huge penis tattoo on his leg; and more.

$$$ Third Point’s Loeb Warns Yahoo Chief of Looming Proxy Fight [DealBook] $$$ "LightSquared has retained two of the most prominent conservative litigators in the country — Theodore Olson and Eugene Scalia — in a sign it could be preparing to launch a court battle against the FCC." [Politico] $$$ SEC Details Charges Against Pre-IPO Funds [WSJ] $$$ Surprisingly, placing third at the Jewish Olympics makes you only an average ping-pong player [BI] $$$ "Talk about selfish, such accomplishments didn't help anyone but him! There is no customer that will pay for self-indulgent status climbing in irrelevant hierarchies, regardless of how much we encourage our kids to play such games. That is, ping pong is a fabulous avocation, a pathetic vocation." [Falkenblog] $$$ How would you like to be an equity portfolio associate for PIMCO in Newport Beach? [DBCC] $$$ Bernanke says Fed to make bank rules clearer [Reuters] $$$ Pension funds don't want 100-year gilts [FT] $$$ Fitch Revises U.K.’s Sovereign Rating Outlook to Negative [Bloomberg] $$$ Pulitzer Prize-winning financial reporter Jesse Eisinger explains how he prepared for his role in The Social Network: "I became a billionaire to see what it felt like. I already knew about how to be rejected by girls, so that was easy. My role in Zombieland was much more difficult to prepare for." [Reddit] $$$ Former brothel owner makes Olympic team [MSN]

$$$ Euro-Zone Leaders Step Up Greece Contingency Plans [WSJ] $$$ Facebook Banks Said To Make $100 Million On Stabilizing Stock [Bloomberg, earlier] $$$ The Modest Worth of Big Banks [NYT] $$$ Cardiff Garcia on Brad DeLong on Walter Bagehot [FTAV] $$$ "While we’re on the subject, we’d be remiss not to note that Mr. Muniyappa wore jeans and an untucked plaid button down, prompting New York Times legal eagle Peter Lattman to poll observers on the last time they’d seen a witness take the stand without a necktie. 'Maybe not at the trials The Times covers,' a wiseacre snapped." [NYO] $$$ Stress! An Energy Source Of The Future? [The Awl] $$$ "Representing the sovereign in these affairs is just more fun. It is a mixture of politics, finance and law, and theater," [sovereign restructuring lawyer Lee Buchheit] said. Buchheit recalled an Asian finance minister - referring to her only as "The Iron Lady" - resting a hand on his arm as tension mounted at 3 a.m. in a marathon meeting and saying: "I know you'll get us through this." [Reuters] $$$ UBS is looking for a credit stress testing analyst in Stamford [DBCC] $$$ China plans brokerage reforms to create its own Goldman Sachs [Reuters] $$$ In defense of private equity: Japan [Noahpinion] $$$ Romney Can’t Explain What He Learned in Business [DI] $$$ ALF Creator Paul Fusco Thinks ‘Timing is Right’ for an ALF Movie [Gawker]

Stress tests; Tech bubbles; The Millennial Whose Job Is to Taste Bourbon; Octopus escape artists; AND MORE.

$$$ Excited for Whale day? [Reuters] $$$ Banks’ Libor costs may hit $22bn [FT] $$$ Bain Starts Raising Buyout Fund With $6 Billion Target [Bloomberg] $$$ PFG Employee Files Lawsuit for Wages so he could afford the new leash, harness and doggie bed he had bought for Apple, his terrier mix [FINS] $$$ Piggy bank has a new meaning in a town east of Vienna after a surveillance camera caught a wild pig on a night foray to a local branch of one of Austria’s financial institutions. The Austria Press Agency reports that the inquisitive porker managed to push open a locked sliding glass door of a bank in Hainburg an der Donau to make its way inside. After looking around, it left the same way it came without causing significant damage, with the door locking behind it. [AP] $$$ A prominent broker-dealer is looking for a junior non-agency mortgage trader [DBCC] $$$ Richard Posner: Why There Are Too Many Patents in America [Atlantic] $$$ Goldman recruits former Treasury spokesman [FT] $$$ In spite of the Barclays scandal, LIBOR product continues to do well [Sober Look] $$$ Here you will find NSFW pictures of dinosaur loving [Daily Mail]

$$$ Tucker denies intervening on Libor [FT] $$$ SAC’s Cohen Joins Loeb Starting Reinsurer For Capital [Bloomberg] $$$ "My best guess is that the LIBOR manipulation that went on before the financial crisis had a small effect on human suffering and its not clear whether it increased human suffering or decreased it. My best guess is that the LIBOR manipulation during the crisis reduced human suffering." [Modeled Behavior] $$$ "I do not understand why physicists are quite happy to say that the gravitational constant in appropriate SI units is 6.67384 ± 0.00080, but in finance and economics we are unwilling to say that the price of an asset is 103.23 ± 0.65." [Jayanth Varma] $$$ Employment Seeker Mistakes Nic Cage JPEG for CV, Inadvertently Sends Out Greatest Job Application Ever [Gawker] $$$ Morgan Stanley wants a FIG banking VP, if that's your thing [DBCC] $$$ New CFPB rules to simplify mortgage disclosure are 1,099 pages long [Kid Dynamite] $$$ Patriot Coal Files For Bankruptcy Protection In New York [Bloomberg] $$$ FN100 Most Influential: Regulators tighten grip on industry [FN] $$$ The New York Times Gets a ‘Rare Glimpse’ Quite Often [DI]

Paulson losses; Fed hike doubts; Libor trial starts; "Former Meerkat Expert Sentenced For Attacking Monkey Handler"; and more.

$$$ Argentina to Seize Control of Oil Firm [WSJ] $$$ World Bank picks Kim as next head [FT] $$$ Coty Tries to Rally Support for Avon Bid Amid Skepticism [DealBook] $$$ Brazil Cannibal Empanadas: Brazilian Women Murdered, Eaten And Made Into Human Pastries [HuffPo, congrats on the Pulitzer] $$$ PIMCO is looking to fill tax manager positions - in regulated and private funds - in Newport Beach [DBCC] $$$ New York Jets All-Pro D'Brickashaw Ferguson, will be on Wall Street (Exchange Place and Broad Street) at 3:45pm tomorrow as part of The Decathlon 2012. Ferguson will be demonstrating how The Decathlon uses performance-based donating ('charitybets') to raise money to support Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. He'll be charitybetting on any Wall Streeter to come out and participate in a Vertical Jump contest. Ferguson will have a Vertec (devise used at the NFL Combine to test vertical leaping) and a few thousand dollars - CASH - to donate to MSKCC. Jump 24-inches, Ferguson donates $100. Jump $26-inches, Ferguson donates $200. And so on and so forth. Registration for The Decathlon 2012 opens Tuesday, April 17th. The event is on Sunday, July 29th at Columbia University's Wien Stadium. $$$ For Two Economists, the Buffett Rule Is Just a Start [NYT] $$$ Following Other People's Stock Picks Just Got Easier but why? [Bloomberg] $$$ What is Carney talking about? [Reuters / Ben Walsh] $$$ ECB staff demand inflation protection [Money Supply] $$$ Rock Out With Your Cock Out: Penis Warmers Are Now a Thing [Fashionista] $$$ Breasts lead to arrest of Anonymous hacker [CNET]