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If You Come After Elon Musk On Your Blog, Prepare To Never See That Dope-Ass Tesla You Ordered

If you come at the Musk, you'd best not miss...or you'll be stuck driving that janky Nissan Leaf.

If you're a Silicon Valley VC eagerly awaiting the arrival of your super cherry Tesla Model X P90D in shiny red replete with black leather seats and that filthy Ludicrous Speed option, well, you might want to keep the name "Elon Musk" out of your f@cking mouth.

Or at the very least off of your Medium post.

Are we right, Stewart Alsop of Alsop Louie Partners who cannot stop blogging on his Medium page?

Dear @ElonMusk: Thank you for reaching out to me. I heard from our phone conversation that you feel that my post, “Dear @ElonMusk: You should be ashamed of yourself”, was a personal attack on you. I also hear that you are not comfortable having me own a Tesla car and have cancelled my order for a Tesla Model X.

Oh no, Elon took away your Tesla privileges because he thought “You should be ashamed of yourself” felt personal?

Well Stewart, whatever did you say to get Musk so hot...

It’s bad enough that your event producers couldn’t actually produce an event — the so-called Model X Launch Event. Starting a 7:00pm event at 8:50pm is simply unacceptable, particularly when the invited guests are actually your customers! But for you to stand up at 8:52pm and not even acknowledge that you have wasted your own customers’ time was insensitive and poor judgement.

He was late to a Tesla event and you had the gall to call him out on Medium? That's the Silicon Valley bro version of calling him a slut via high school bathroom graffiti, Stew Beef.

You know better.

And also, Elon's a Billionaire. He's rocking more commas than you, which makes him your better in the Valley hierarchy.

We just hope you didn't take this too far...

Now I’m wondering. Should I be proud and boastful of being a Model X customer (as I have already been; here’s my first tweet after ordering my Model X)? Should I wonder if there are other problems in managing Tesla as a company? Is this a marketing failure or do you treat your customers like this after they get their car?

Oh, Stewart...

Well we've a good news/bad news:

Good news is that Elon has taken away that heavy burden of having to choose how you'll behave when you get that Tesla.

Bad news is that you are never ever getting that Tesla.

How do you feel about your behavior now, Stewart?

Anyway, the end result is that you have decided that I can’t own one of your cars, and I am terribly disappointed. I had outlined in the original post how excited I was at the prospect of owning a Tesla, especially the Model X and especially the configuration I ultimately ordered — the P90D in red with black leather seats and the Ludicrous Speed option.

That "Ludicrous Speed" part really turns the knife, doesn't it?

I must also admit that I am a little taken aback to be banned by Tesla. When I wrote a blog post about my BMW X1 called “My Car Makes Me Feel Stoopid”, the CEO of BMW didn’t take the car back.

We'll grant you that it is not "commonplace" for the CEO of a publicly-traded car company to personally refuse the sale of an automobile to a specific customer - especially when stock in that company is in something of a prolonged downturn and market sentiment is decaying around it - but if we had to speak for Elon in response to this rhetorical exercise, we would have to say "BITCH DO I LOOK LIKE HARALD KRÜGER TO YOU!"

Or we could let Elon respond in his own words...

Damn, Stewart. Sorry about that Ludicrous Speed.


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