If you were to glance for a moment at overall hedge fund performance during the first six weeks of 2016, you would be forgiven to think that you were looking at a Hieronymus Bosch painting and not financial data.
The landscape is littered with the naked and the dead, fires smolder in trash cans and through the smoke one can discern the figure of Bill Ackman lying prostrate upon the rack. Such is the truth of modern asset management pain.
But yea, there is yet a shining hope for hedge fund managers looking to survive the carnage of 2016... all you hedge fundies need to do to be reborn is to kneel before Yeezus.
Yesterday, after tweeting that he was $53 million in debt and needed money to continue being the world's self-proclaimed greatest artist, Kanye West began to appeal directly to Mark Zuckerberg, Larry Page and other Silicon Valley billionaires to become his patrons. But that ended...badly.
Well, you snooze you lose, tech nerds. Because the guys who really know money apparently looked at Kanye's pleas and saw alpha.
As we've said already, Ackman will try anything. Or maybe it was Dan Loeb who rang after listening to Kanye's new album on Tidal and yelling "This sh!t is ON FLEEK!!!" Or perhaps it was noted hip-hop superfan Leon Cooperman emailing Kanye to edge out an inevitable play from Ken Griffin looking to re-invest all that real estate money. And we all know that David Einhorn is truly incapable of turning down anything that involves "making sh!t dope."
But since this is Kanye reporting on Kanye, we're going to have take veracity into play and assume that the hedge fund billionaire most likely to team up with Kanye is the investor that loves music the most; Bobby Axelrod.