Gold; Greece; Bezos; "Oregon man uses drone to rescue stranded drone"; and more.

JP Morgan hacking; Bezos tops Slim; Avenue Capital shuttering fund; "You're a Dirty Gentrifying Tech Bro, and You Need to Be Spanked"; and more.

$$$ Greece drops demand to ease bailout terms [FT] $$$ The NYSE Gets Its Very Own Dark Pool [MarketBeat] $$$ The Strange Takeover Limbo of CVR [DealBook] $$$ Countrywide won influence by giving House members discounts, report says [AP] $$$ Jon Ronson talks to rich people, middle-class people, and poor people [GQ] $$$ The guy who finished ahead of David Einhorn in the $1mm buy-in One Drop poker tournament was beaten up shortly afterwards [Poker News Daily] $$$ A German university is suing a business student for lost income because he finished his bachelors and masters degrees in only 20 months [UPI] $$$ A top institution is looking for a VP level structured credit trader in New York [DBCC] $$$ Euro the big loser after central banks intervene [FT] $$$ Irish Bill Sale Marks End Of Drought As Spain Yields Rise [Bloomberg] $$$ Why not have variable-rate mortgages with fixed payments but variable amortization periods? [American Banker] $$$ Traded assets are more volatile than non-traded assets, NGDP targeting edition [Noahpinion] $$$ Alphonse "Buddy" Fletcher's wife is the Kleiner Perkins partner suing them for gender discrimination [Term Sheet] $$$ An Alternative Living Will for Banks [Paperwell]

$$$ Argentina to Seize Control of Oil Firm [WSJ] $$$ World Bank picks Kim as next head [FT] $$$ Coty Tries to Rally Support for Avon Bid Amid Skepticism [DealBook] $$$ Brazil Cannibal Empanadas: Brazilian Women Murdered, Eaten And Made Into Human Pastries [HuffPo, congrats on the Pulitzer] $$$ PIMCO is looking to fill tax manager positions - in regulated and private funds - in Newport Beach [DBCC] $$$ New York Jets All-Pro D'Brickashaw Ferguson, will be on Wall Street (Exchange Place and Broad Street) at 3:45pm tomorrow as part of The Decathlon 2012. Ferguson will be demonstrating how The Decathlon uses performance-based donating ('charitybets') to raise money to support Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. He'll be charitybetting on any Wall Streeter to come out and participate in a Vertical Jump contest. Ferguson will have a Vertec (devise used at the NFL Combine to test vertical leaping) and a few thousand dollars - CASH - to donate to MSKCC. Jump 24-inches, Ferguson donates $100. Jump $26-inches, Ferguson donates $200. And so on and so forth. Registration for The Decathlon 2012 opens Tuesday, April 17th. The event is on Sunday, July 29th at Columbia University's Wien Stadium. $$$ For Two Economists, the Buffett Rule Is Just a Start [NYT] $$$ Following Other People's Stock Picks Just Got Easier but why? [Bloomberg] $$$ What is Carney talking about? [Reuters / Ben Walsh] $$$ ECB staff demand inflation protection [Money Supply] $$$ Rock Out With Your Cock Out: Penis Warmers Are Now a Thing [Fashionista] $$$ Breasts lead to arrest of Anonymous hacker [CNET]

$$$ JPMorgan Said To Face Escalating Senate Probe Of CIO Loss [Bloomberg] $$$ J.P. Morgan Names New Chief Investment Officer [Deal Journal] $$$ Banks now like to do quarterly calls with bondholders [WSJ] $$$ Some people still like big banks [Bloomberg] $$$ FINRA is suing a test-prep firm for taking Series 7, etc., exams 64 times, failing 52 of those times, and memorizing the questions to tell their students [Reuters; the complaint is also amusing] $$$ [Harvard] Economics concentrator Ali E. Evans ’13 received his [Harvard Business School] acceptance email on Wednesday while sitting in class next to his roommates. He said he celebrated silently and texted his parents. Evans said he has visited classes at the Business School with his tutors at Kirkland House since sophomore year. "Leading my own company one day is definitely a goal of mine, and so business school definitely fits in with that plan," he said. [Crimson] $$$ Pimco is looking for a diversity & inclusion coordinator in Newport Beach [DBCC] $$$ Qatar Imperils Big Merger of Commodity Companies [DealBook] $$$ There's a new Kindle Fire and it's cheaper [WSJ] $$$ Citigroup, Goldman, UBS Sued Over Mortgage-Backed Bonds [Bloomberg] $$$ Goldman must face mortgage debt claims - 2nd Circuit [Reuters] $$$ European political leader says "Some fans of group sex say that it’s better than one-on-one because, as with any collective work, you can skive off," is not Silvio Berlusconi [Telegraph]

$$$ S&P 500 Breaks Record [WSJ] $$$ M&A Stumbles Amid March Deal Drought [Bloomberg] $$$ An interview with Athanasios Orphanides: What happened in Cyprus [Economist] $$$ Sarkozy: from the Elysée to private equity [FT] $$$ Embattled DOE-Grant Recipient Changes Name from A123 to B456 [WFB] $$$ Posting will be light tomorrow for Good Friday. Enjoy the holiday; we'll see you back here on Monday. $$$ Dell paying Blackstone's bills [Fortune] $$$ Investors sue RBS over 2008 rights issue [FT] $$$ REITs Trigger Fed Warning as Kain Tops $100 Billion [Bloomberg] $$$ Citi Sails Back Into 'Synthetic' Securities [WSJ] $$$ New York Is ‘By Far the Least Free State’ in America, According to Some People [DI] $$$ THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GITMO STRIKE: Detainees Are Treated Absurdly Well Compared To Business Insider Reporters [BI]

$$$ EU could rewrite eurozone budgets [FT] $$$ Moody's Cuts Ratings on 28 Spanish Banks [WSJ] $$$ Do-it-yourself currency devaluation [NetNet / John Carney] $$$ Greek Finance Minister Quits Days Into The Job [Bloomberg] $$$ RBS computer failure condemns man to spend weekend in jail [Telegraph] $$$ Feeding your pet rabbit carrots could be bad for him [NYP] $$$ A leading tech focused M&A boutique investment bank would like to hire a senior associate or VP - could it be you? [DBCC] $$$ Mapping and Sizing the U.S. Repo Market [Liberty Street Economics] $$$ Downgrade of Funds to Have Broad Effects [WSJ] $$$ Banks fight Fed's push to make them less entwined [Reuters] $$$ "Breastaurants" Experiencing a Mini-Boom [AP] $$$ A Jew-Hating Elmo In Central Park [Gawker]

$$$ EXCLUSIVE: Here's The Inside Story Of What Happened On The Facebook IPO [BI / Henry Blodget] $$$ "A senior Nasdaq Stock Market official told customers Tuesday afternoon that it would have pulled the plug on Facebook Inc.'s initial public offering had it known the full extent of the technical problems that plagued its systems." [WSJ] $$$ Occupy Wall Street Alternative Banking Group Files Amicus Brief on Side of Judge Rakoff in SEC v. Citigroup; the brief is very clever [NC] $$$ A former high frequency trader proposes eliminating the subpenny rule [Chris Stucchio] $$$ Auction of Reagan's Blood Sparks Outrage [Reuters] $$$ Prudential Capital is looking for an investment associate in Chicago/Minneapolis [DBCC] $$$ At Hearing, Regulators Discuss JPMorgan Investigation [DealBook] $$$ Zuckerberg’s Property Status, Post-Marriage [NYT] $$$ Disclosure by Short-Sellers Would Improve Market Clarity [DealBook / Steven Davidoff] $$$ "A Silicon Valley tech executive faces charges after authorities say he put fake bar codes on hundreds of Lego sets at various Target stores so he could buy the toys at steeply discounted prices, then sell them online for thousands of dollars in profits." [AP]