Valeant says short-seller's report is BS; Credit Suisse is a less hot version of UBS; Warren Buffett's li'l millionaires; The return of Greg Smith; "Alleged wedding crasher bites officer, police dog"; and more.

Jefferies reports losses; RBS plans cuts; Short who got Valeant right on trial; Drunken circus worker takes tiger cub for a walk at shopping mall; and more.

Greece; Settlements; Hoaxes; "Florida man dances on police vehicle to ward off vampires"; and more.

Fed accidentally releases confidential info; Square to go public; Funds holding gold net-short position; "An Ohio woman whose house was damaged by a fire said she believes her 'cousin' set the fire intentionally because 'he can't get with' her"; and more.

$$$ You can still drink big sodas [NYP] $$$ Bank compensation up in 2012 despite cutback efforts [Reuters] $$$ Morgan Stanley Set to Name Kaminsky Brokerage Vice Chair [FBN] $$$ Mary Schapiro Is Nominated to G.E. Board [DealBook] $$$ The life cycle of the investment banker [TED] $$$ City high-flier 'was called crazy Miss Cokehead by work bullies after she blew whistle on insider dealing' [DM] $$$ Brookfield Investment Management is looking for a global infrastructure securities analyst in Chicago [DBCC] $$$ Europe trading tax would kill repo market -industry official [Reuters] $$$ SAC Capital Manager’s Tipper Deserves Prison, U.S. Says [Bloomberg] $$$ "Long term shareholders are well served by activism" [Aswath Damodaran] $$$ "Callan hardly needs advice from me but I'll offer it anyway. She may want to consider that her lack of satisfaction with her life's direction is not a product of the choices she made. Instead, her choices may have been a product of her lack of satisfaction. In my experience, the kind of people who can rise to the level she did at a relatively early age tend to be filling a hole in their psyche, an indistinguishable yearning for something more that is experienced as a kind of pain." [NetNet / John Carney] $$$ Corey Robin went to school with Bill[y] Ackman [Corey Robin]

Merrill broker banned; Twitter earnings; Clinton on Wall Street; "Barbecue Smoke Sparks Feud Between Florida Neighbors"; and more.

Theranos director says investors still believe in CEO; Martin Shkreli dropped from lawsuit tied to Wu-Tang album; French statue gets detachable penis to thwart thieves; and more.

$$$ Jury reaches verdict in Apple-Samsung trial [Reuters] $$$ Greece not written off, says Merkel [FT] $$$ RBS closing in on LIBOR settlement [Reuters] $$$ HSBC In Settlement Talks With U.S. Over Money Laundering [Bloomberg] $$$ John Hempton looks at Focus Media [Bronte Capital] $$$ Hey Look, It’s the DMX-”Reading Rainbow” Mashup You Never Knew You Wanted [Popdust] $$$ Highland Capital is looking for a credit trader in Dallas, if that's your thing [DBCC] $$$ Bernanke Letter Defends Fed Actions [WSJ] $$$ The Effectiveness of Unconventional Monetary Policy at the Zero Lower Bound: A Cross-Country Analysis [BIS] $$$ The commodity-basket standard is even dumber than the gold standard [Slate / Matt Yglesias] $$$ "You can’t fight inflation by taxing the wealthy. And since fighting inflation is the primary reason our government would need to raise taxes, the proposals to raise taxes on the wealthy just don’t add up" says MMT true believer John Carney [NetNet] $$$ Olympian Nick Symmonds may have finished a mere fifth in the 800M during the 2012 London Olympics, yet he has redeemed himself completely by downing a beer before running each of the four laps required to complete a mile in record time. ... Symmonds finished his mile (and chugging of 4 beers) in a very impressive 5 minutes and 19 seconds. The mark was good enough for first in US, but only fifth place all-time. “That’s a good first mark,” says Symmonds. “I’ve got some training to do.” [Cosby Sweaters] $$$ Count von Count died [The Awl]