$$$ Spain's Unemployment Jumps, Deepening Crisis [WSJ] $$$ "... the McClendon-[X] deal raises a number of concerns, some analysts said," for any X [Reuters, earlier] $$$ "Being violation-free alone does not guarantee that a public company or registered entity will not face the wrath of the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission Division of Enforcement, its director, Robert Khuzami, told Thomson Reuters Tuesday." Good to keep 'em guessing. [Reuters] $$$ How to Leak to Gawker Without (Hopefully) Getting Caught, usefulness not limited to Gawker [Gawker] $$$ Who Was the Third Person in Bret Easton Ellis and Rielle Hunter’s (Aborted) Cocaine-Induced Threesome? [NYO] $$$ BNP Paribas would like to find an emerging markets equities analyst for its Boston office, if you know anyone [DBCC] $$$ Forget Bailouts, European Banks Needs Bail-Ins: Fitch [CNBC] $$$ After Quiet Years, British Regulator Gets Tough on Abuses [DealBook] $$$ Lazard profit drops on costs, but still beats Street [Reuters] $$$ Kyle Bass' Japan short gets the B-school case study treatment [AR-Alpha] $$$ Banks to Meet With Fed on Derivatives Rule [WSJ] $$$ Paul Ryan Suddenly Decides He Hates Ayn Rand [DI]

Carl Icahn is angry with Bernie Sanders; John Mack invested with former LendingClub CEO; Krispy Kreme agrees to buyout; Japanese baseball game delayed when foul-smelling fish falls from the sky; and more.

Greg Lippmann starting new fund: Shkreli resigns; Activists want Yahoo sale; "Tennessee animal control lures loose pig using donuts"; and more.

$$$ Behind Credit Default Swaps Market, a Cartel Left Open to Collusion [Dealbook] $$$ Jim Chanos: Hewlett Packard Is 'Ultimate Value Trap' [CNBC] $$$ Ackman Takes Activist Stance on P&G [CNBC] $$$ Goldman CEO Blankfein Said To Meet With Obama Adviser Lew [Bloomberg] $$$ Racketeering Charges Filed in Hedge Fund Divorce [NYO] $$$ Banker Tattoos [BuzzFeed] $$$ ...every so often, Ackman and his wife whirl through their Rolodexes and invite their unattached friends to come on over to their place and spend a few hours meeting other singles. In this day and age of internet dating, the Ackmans like to give that stressful process a personal touch. And last night was one of those nights when the man who runs $10 billion Pershing Square Capital Management and his wife Karen, who trained as a landscape architect, threw open the doors and hoped for the best. While no officials statistics have been kept, people who have attended the events say plenty of people have found their mates here. At this week’s event? Roughly 200 people attended, according to someone who was there. [Reuters, earlier] $$$ "Dozens of traffic signs have been destroyed by prostitutes performing pole-dances in the street to attract clients, officials in New Zealand's biggest city have revealed." [Telegraph] $$$ Charlie Gasparino: U.S. Insider Trading Investigation Winding Down (Maybe) [FBN] $$$ Ex-JPMorgan Banker Admits Role in Muni Bid-Rigging Scheme [Reuters] $$$ Paulson, Rubin Warn on Dangers of 'Fiscal Cliff' [CNBC] $$$ WWII Shipwreck Yields $38 Million of Silver From Atlantic [Bloomberg] $$$ High school kid accused of running in a potential $3 million marijuana ring. [CP]

Ex-Deutsche Bank analyst fined, suspended over stock rating; Dairy downturn hurts banks; Man wakes up with huge penis tattoo on his leg; and more.

$$$ Gawker acquires semi-public audited financials of Bain Capital funds, orgasms all over them [Gawker, related] $$$ Bain Capital's conversion of management fees into carry may have been tax aggressive [Victor Fleischer] $$$ Republicans eye return to gold standard [FT] $$$ New York Fed Sells Last of AIG Bonds, at a Profit [WSJ] $$$ "Hedge Funds, Grimacing, Open the Kimono" [Bloomberg] $$$ BlackRock would like to hire a securities lending accounting associate in San Francisco, if that's your cup of tea [DBCC] $$$ The Downsizing of the American Butler [CNBC] $$$ What's up with Best Buy? [DealBook] $$$ Citi passed its make-up stress test [Reuters] $$$ Seven-Year-Old Wins Iceland Ram Groping Contest [Iceland Review via MR]

$$$ Fed Minutes Suggest Action Likely [WSJ] $$$ Ainslie Up 20% As Stock Hedge Funds Defy Four-Year Slump $$$ Best Buy shareholders caught in the crossfire [Term Sheet] $$$ FTC Clears Facebook’s Instagram Purchase [Deal Journal] $$$ "Bain is a financial firm, but Romney wasn’t some Wall Street bank-monkey with a pitch book. He was the guy who fired you." [National Review] [!!] $$$ Wharton-Bound Goat Trainer Failed To Get Her Pet Goat To Perform On National Television [IvyGate] $$$ A middle market private equity firm is looking for a senior associate in South Florida [DBCC] $$$ Bernanke ‘More Popular Than Justin Bieber’? [CNBC] $$$ Broken Brokerages: Finance Luminaries Join Fight Over Uniform Fiduciary Standard [NYO] $$$ Chinese acquisitions in US near record [FT] $$$ Obama Says First Dog Bo Is on a Diet [DI] $$$ Man Convicted of Assault for Punching McDonald’s Employee After Sundae Arrived with Hot Fudge on the Bottom [Gawker]

$$$ IIF Bank Group: Greek Debt Buyback Likely To Reach Target [WSJ] $$$ Doing the Shareholder Sidestep [DealBook] $$$ Netflix CEO Hastings Faces SEC Action Over Facebook Post [Bloomberg] $$$ Rush to set up ‘ultra-short’ bond funds [FT] $$$ Bain leads private equity firms in use of low-tax payouts [Reuters] $$$ Financial Times Discovers Hip-Hop Slang From Last Century [DI] $$$ A multi-billion-dollar asset management firm is looking for a quantitative execution junior equities trader in New York [DBCC] $$$ Partners’ Stake in Goldman Sachs Rises [DealBook] $$$ Defaulted Bondholders Undeterred as Gains Hold [Bloomberg] $$$ Will JPMorgan's 'Jes' Staley Jump Ship? [CNBC] $$$ Brooklyn couple makes breakup video to announce split to their friends [NYDN via Kevin Roose] $$$ Snoop [Lion] Asked Himself a Question About His Own Weed Habits on Reddit [NYO]