Starwood receives unsolicited bid; Former Goldman director is out of jail; Burglar Insists He Broke Into Home To Save Wife Taylor Swift; and more.

Ex-Citi exec claims whistleblower mistreatment; Marissa Mayer dodges bullet; So it turns out my dead father worked in porn; and more.

Football player IPO pulled; Warren Buffett's grandson starts investment firm; Goldman sees limited '16 stock market gains; "Drunk Guy On Flight Just Wants To Drop Trou, Smoke Cigarettes"; and more.

China; Puerto Rico; Glencore; Ex-Citigroup trader doesn't care if you can't handle the truth; "Selfie Stick Fail: Jeep Driver Films Himself Crashing"; and more.

$$$ "Congratulations: you’ve now taken a business which was earning 5 per cent to negative 10 per cent. Well done! Now what’s your next trick?" - James Gorman [FT] $$$ Barclays Names McGee Top Americas Corporate and Investment Banker [DealBook] $$$ Viking and ValueAct have outperformed the market YTD, but the median hedge fund return through August is 4.13% [AR] $$$ Game Over: Dave & Buster’s Withdraws IPO [Deal Journal] $$$ "It was the third alligator found roaming free on Long Island in less than a week." [Newsday] $$$ A reader writes, "I know getting drunk and crashing cars into houses on Long Island has been a big fad this year so I figured I'd share." [Newsday, earlier] $$$ A European investment bank is looking for a junior rates trader in New York [DBCC] $$$ Deutsche Bank seen hardest hit by Liikanen reforms [Reuters] $$$ Hard money and the gerontocracy [Noahpinion] $$$ Barry Ritholtz is sick of all the people who are just in finance for the money [TBP] $$$ Gawker recaps a Hulk Hogan sex tape [Gawker] $$$ "But is having your head in a plush diver helmet simply too dorky for the workplace?" Possibly [BusinessWeek]

Jobs and the Fed; Tech's IPO allergy; Saudi Arabian oil megafund; Guy builds creepily life-like Scarlett Johansson robot on his balcony; China cancels April Fool's; and more!

Hank Paulson tells China to be very afraid; Banks' first quarter trading revenue = cautious optimism; Slovakia telecom IPO comin' at ya; "Man rides 11 miles on hood of SUV in Pennsylvania"; and more.