Eddie Lampert is really sick of hearing that Tesla is cool because Tesla sucks.

One kind of obvious thing about financial markets is that you can't just call everyone into a room and tell them, "look, guys, just be honest about the price that you would pay / receive for Thing X." This is because financial industry traders are degenerate lying scumbags. No, wait, that's not right. This is because if everyone just told each other their reserve prices then it would be really hard for them to make any money trading and so we, like, wouldn't have a financial system. So you have things like anonymous execution on stock exchanges and dark pools and, um, lying scumbag traders. And that allows you to have profitable trading. Of course you have to put some limits on the lying scumbaggery: you can't tell people you're investing their money while really blowing it on hookers, and I guess now you can't sell someone synthetic CDOs without telling them who was on the other side. But a little fudging around the edges about the price you're willing to pay or receive - or the price you could pay or receive elsewhere - is kind of at the heart of what trading is. So in a sense the amazing thing about the Libor scandal is that people are amazed by it. A quick recap:

Listen up, Zuckerberg. You might learn something.

Because $100 million would be silly.

Your call. From: [redacted] Sent: March 28, 2012 9:12 AM Subject: Spring Ahead For those with direct/indirect coverage responsibilities, pls take out your lists today to remind yourselves who we have money out to and that your name is on the ComCom coverage team that got that money approved. Anecdotal observation I conclude is that where we pay attention in some reasonable, non-trivial ways (meeting, meal, call, insightful email), we get paid back in flow DCM capital markets participation It's just how this game works, the money doesn't flat out speak for us, we need to speak for it, and we don't have to stomp/yell, just be around, consistently the more frequency, the more client comfort, the more they feel reminded of their commercial obligations to us, the easier it is for them to remember to take care of us -- lubricate to prevent rust, just like a motor engine or morning exercise We've been printing something almost every week this spring, keep the momentum while it's here, and make it grow so it lasts into trough times If you think this message is meant for someone else, it's probably for you too, it is for us all, so don't look sideways for some sort of peer-level comfort, look to your career, which is your clients Junior bankers pushing cogent observations up are as important as senior bankers pushing that stimulus out to clients -- make your time matter most, you own it the world is still an uncertain place, which means our individual and collective ability to create opportunity and make a personal impact is here and now Various of us have teamed up very well on multiple and diverse endeavors within this 2012 Budget year to close out Tier 1, and then re-populate it, so it matters for our Fiscal 2012 In doing so, we have become a Burden to our competitors and a Benefit to our clients, as it should be Those recently Burdened by our direct sharp edge into their fee pie and who would otherwise prefer that we be unmotivated, disorganized, lazy-minded, subservient and acquiescent include: [list of every large bank] With no due respect to their no longer deserved incumbency, I like being where we are, doing what we're doing, and how we're doing it, working and Winning, without the Charlie Sheen meltdowns along the way Welcome to Top 10 there's more food on those complacent plates, they're distracted by entitlement, not watching the table, it's time for the hungry to eat We Hunt and We Gather, sometimes alone, sometimes together both strategies work, and have since mankind became sentient Wherever your personal preferences and natural tendencies may lead you, rise above that and evolve to a more meaningful Hunter/Gatherer contributor to this increasingly productive tribe -- the bigger payout kills require larger organized squads -- wolves hunt in packs for a reason, and every pack needs it's field leader to be best organized -- it's the time-tested proven best use of a wolf pack's collective energy -- if they waste it, they starve in winter -- we're graduating to wolf pack status, it's got our competitors looking, watching, wondering -- for those who've never operated within a wolf pack, come aboard and enjoy the living/learning-by-doing experience!

"Larry, Sergey... take of the silly glasses and talk like real boys."