Sergey Aleynikov Wishes Government Was As Forgiving Of Him As It Is Of Its Own Data Thieves

Ummm, can Sergey get Jason Gross's deal next time?

Author:
Jon Shazar
Updated:
Jan 14, 2019
Original:
Mar 18, 2016

Smile, buddy. Trust us, it could be a whole lot worse.

Stealing stuff from Goldman Sachs, even when it’s not actually a crime, is good for a year in jail and six years of legal bills and general hardship. Stealing stuff for Goldman Sachs? From the government? How about 200 hours of community service, a $2,000 fine and a promise to never do it again?

A former staff member at the Federal Reserve Bank of New York was sentenced to a year of probation for leaking confidential information to his ex-boss, who was then a junior banker at Goldman Sachs Group Inc., according to the U.S.

Ex-N.Y. Fed Employee Avoids Prison for Leaking Documents [Bloomberg]

Legally, a real thing. By Evan-Amos (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Goldman Sachs

Sergey Aleynikov: Still fucked...again.

News

One thing that I may have mentioned here is that, before I was lured to the blogging industry by the outrageous lucre on offer, I worked at this little establishment called Goldman Sachs. One thing that I probably haven't told you, but that I've mentioned to a few friends and co-workers, is that due to some frankly inexplicable confusion, the time between my telling people "I am leaving to go work for Dealbreaker" and my being escorted out of the building by active-duty Navy SEALS was somewhat longer than you might expect (viz. several nanoseconds). One thing that I've never told anybody, so let's keep it between us, is that I made good use of the delay to download certain files to a flash drive. I won't discuss all the details, since I'm using some of those files to set up my own high-frequency insider trading fund, but I will mention that with the right codes the voice recorders in the GS elevators can be accessed remotely.* One reason I never told anyone about this before is that Goldman takes it badly when people take stuff with them on the way out, and has a tendency to react by having them imprisoned for the better part of a decade. After today, though, it looks like I'm good to go: