$$$ Instead Of Doing His Job, Jeroen Dijsselbloem Has Given Us A Glimpse Of The Euro 'End Game' [BI] $$$ Paul Krugman thinks Cyprus should leave the Euro [NYT] $$$ RBS Split Not Ruled Out [WSJ] $$$ "Big Bank CEOs Must Rally Against Breakup Talk" [AB] $$$ "Texas, the Germany of America." [WaPo] $$$ Aspiring Model Scores State-Funded Boob Job After Convincing Doctor Her Flat Chest Was Causing Her ‘Emotional Distress’ [Gawker] $$$ Global pool of triple A status shrinks 60% [FT] $$$ Denmark Reviews Bail-In Law as ‘Terrorists’ Shape Banking [Bloomberg] $$$ Two Charged in Insider-Trading Case [WSJ] $$$ How the ‘London Whale’ trade could have been stopped [RWC&G] $$$ Ranking All 27 Seasons of The Real World [Vulture] $$$ Trump loses fight against wind farm [FT]

$$$ BP to Plead Guilty to Felonies, Pay $4.5 Billion in Spill [WSJ] $$$ Eurozone slides back into recession [FT] $$$ House panel suggests SEC-CFTC merger after MF Global [Reuters] $$$ "With their boozy client dinners, big bonuses and foul-mouthed traders, interdealer brokers are stalwarts of a financial order that is in retreat." [Economist] $$$ John Carney went to a bar [NetNet] $$$ Henry Blodget: Why do some people hate women? [Gawker, earlier, earlier] $$$ William Blair is looking for a private capital associate in Chicago [DBCC] $$$ In a Switch, Investors Are Buying European Bank Bonds [DealBook] $$$ Fed Orders Largest Banks to Test Against Deep U.S. Recession [Bloomberg] $$$ SEC Report Finds Faults With Credit Raters [WSJ] $$$ Soccer no excuse for outdoor sex, Italy court rules [Reuters via Amy Tennery] $$$ Maine GOP chairman "play[s] basketball every Sunday with a black guy" [DI]

Aubrey McClendon dead in car crash; Goldman to drop bid on Russian bond deal; Father of modern IPO retires; Farmer Uses Manure To Spell Out 'No Trump'; and more.

$$$ Dell Shares Surge After Report of Possible Buyout [DealBook] $$$ Herbalife Rises to Highest Price Since Ackman Pyramid Allegation [Bloomberg] $$$ Guy prefers startups to banking [Pando Daily] $$$ Obama Said to Consider Morgan Stanley’s Porat at Treasury [Bloomberg] $$$ Nudists Seek Corporate Sponsor Looking for Greater Exposure [WSJ] $$$ A multi family office is looking for a senior private banker to cover LatAm markets or US onshore clients from Miami [DBCC] $$$ Skowron Fights Bank $$$ "Bank robbers have made off with an unknown amount of loot after digging a 100-foot tunnel into a Berlin bank from a nearby parking garage. To get into the building, they broke through two concrete walls. Police have no leads." [Der Spiegel] $$$ The Wall Street Journal Has Bedbugs [DI] $$$ Holy Crap, These Dogs Interrupting A Soccer Match Are Adorable [Deadspin]

$$$ Spain reveals €100bn capital flight [FT] $$$ Spain Says It Has Months to Raise Bank-Bailout Funds [WSJ] $$$ Market Braces for What Could Be Another Weak Jobs Report [CNBC] $$$ Goldman’s Cohn Warns Of Poaching Risks From Further Cuts [Bloomberg] $$$ Larry Fink's hedge-fund-manager son Josh isn't having a great time of it [AR-Alpha] $$$ "T. Boone Pickens, who apparently follows Drake on Twitter, sure isn't [impressed], replying 'The first billion is a helluva lot harder' with a mic-drop retweet." [Gizmodo] $$$ RAND Corporation is looking for a business analyst in Santa Monica [DBCC] $$$ Blankfein Expected to Testify at Gupta Trial [WSJ] $$$ JPMorgan CIO Swaps Pricing Said to Differ From Bank [Bloomberg] $$$ Felix Salmon is in a fight with a startup that has "has the best part of $300,000 in interest-free financing repayable at a time of its choosing in underwear." [Reuters] $$$ "'They signed off on their messages with LOL — laughing out loud,' Police Commissioner Ray Kelly said. 'Well, there was a person who was laughing out loud. That was Police Officer Michael Rodrigues of the 77th Precinct.'" [NYP] $$$ Try "the Douche Burger, a $666 edible fiscal disaster that piles caviar, lobster & truffles on top of a foie-stuffed, gold-leaf-wrapped Kobe patty, smothers it with Gruyere melted with Champagne steam, and finishes it off with BBQ sauce made using Kopi Luwak coffee that's passed through the digestive tract of the Asian Palm Civet, explaining why it 'may not taste good, but will make you feel rich as f*ck.'" [Thrillist via Copyranter]

$$$ Facebook to List on Nasdaq [WSJ] $$$ Egan-Jones Cuts US Credit Rating to 'AA,' Citing Debt [CNBC] $$$ Swiss Are Tested on Franc [WSJ] $$$ Jefferies Ends First Quarter With Short Position on Spain [Bloomberg] $$$ ABS shows Greek bonds can pay par [IFR] $$$ Hyenas Give Up Scavenging For Lent [LiveScience via The Hairpin, related?] $$$ Like the NYSE, we’ll be off tomorrow. Enjoy the long weekend and we'll see you Monday. $$$ Jobs News Could Be So Good That It's Bad. Or vice versa? [WSJ] $$$ Architect of Fed’s ‘Operation Twist’ quits [FT] $$$ Kozlowski Is Turned Down for Parole [DealBook] $$$ The Vulcan/Martin Marietta takeover fight is pretty nasty [Dealpolitik] $$$ Why You Should Learn to Love Pink Slime [The Atlantic / Adam Ozimek] $$$ Beer is not the main cause of the the beer belly [Guardian]

Yahoo can't catch a break; Bangladesh central bank weighs lawsuit against NY Fed over cyber heist; Angry California man throws 13-foot python in Sushi restaurant; and more.

Greece; Fake Bloomberg; "Donald Trump Immortalized As Butt Plug"; and more.