Write-Offs: 3.11.16

Cohen's Point72 hires sports psychologist as 'performance coach'; A hedge fund queen is getting it done; Waiter Causes Steakhouse Nightmare by Accidentally Stabbing Customer; and more.
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Gross takes a hit; Point72 hires ex-prosecutor; How the top 10 hedge fund managers spend their money (on politics); "Decathlete uses javelin to pull daughter's tooth"; and more.

Write-Offs: 05.17.12

$$$ Santander, BBVA Among Spanish Banks Downgraded By Moody’s [Bloomberg] $$$ Spain denies bank run reports [FT] $$$ Big banks need extra $566bn, says Fitch [FT, FTAV] $$$ Icahn Takeover of CVR Gets Support From 55% of Holders [Bloomberg] $$$ JPMorgan's Dimon says will testify before Congress [Reuters] $$$ Occupy Wall Street is staging an intervention with Jamie Dimon [NC] $$$ BlackRock is looking for a performance analyst in Princeton [DBCC] $$$ At CME, an Uproar Over Trading Hours [WSJ] $$$ SEC Probes Role of Hedge Fund in CDOs [WSJ] $$$ Which Biglaw Firm Accidentally Released Embarrassing, Unredacted Documents About Goldman Sachs? [ATL] $$$ Floyd Norris: "For market makers, who may buy unwanted securities that customers want to sell, hedging may be wise and prudent. But it will also be short term, until the bank trades out of whatever position it took on in the course of making the market. But if banks hedge long-term investments, as JPMorgan evidently did, the hedge is also likely to be long term. It will consist of buying something that, in normal times, should move in the opposite direction of their investment. The result is that they will be making convergence trades that are indistinguishable from what Long Term Capital Management did. Given the size of the big banks, they will have to do so in huge volumes that can come back to haunt them if markets move the wrong way." [NYT] $$$ The Boldface Names on the Witness List for Gupta’s Trial includes Lloyd Blankfein, Gary Cohn, Ken Chenault, Raj Rajaratnam, James Barnacle, and Adam Smith [DealBook]

Write-Offs: 2.2.15

Steve Cohen looking for college co-eds; Stephen Schwarzman tells young upstarts they will fail; Apple is selling a whole lotta bonds; and more.

Write-Offs: 1.11.16

2016's worst economic performers; Bowie; HF stars fall to earth; "FedEx delivers tumor sample instead of man's Kindle"; and more.

Write-Offs: 7.24.15

Fed accidentally releases confidential info; Square to go public; Funds holding gold net-short position; "An Ohio woman whose house was damaged by a fire said she believes her 'cousin' set the fire intentionally because 'he can't get with' her"; and more.

Write-Offs: 1.27.16

Inside Traders Look to U.S. Supreme Court for Redemption; Deutsche cutting 1/2 of Brazil team; Fed holds line; Customs says man smuggled live birds in fanny pack, groin of pants; and more.

Write-Offs: 3.20.15

Citi trader fired; Tinder needs a new CEO; "Dustin Diamond threatened to stab a man for refusing to chug bottle of Smirnoff Ice"; and more.