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Relentlessly Unemployed Carly Fiorina No Longer Understands The Meaning Of "Successful"

If Carly thinks the HP/Compaq merger was a major success, she must have loved the Bay of Pigs.

Business mergers and acquisitions are tricky things. It's often hard to tell which deals are good and which are bad, and most fall into the gray area anyway only to be radically reevaluated years later.

Basically, there are almost always two sides to an M&A deal.


There are those deals, those massive clunkers, those Titanics of hope running into icebergs of reality, that NO ONE defends. Like when Hewlett-Packard acquired Compaq in 2001.

Michael Dell called it "The dumbest deal of the decade." And Wall Street responded to the merger of HP and Compaq in a manner akin to "Who farted?" Eventually, the deal would result in a handful of unpopular products and massive layoffs. Basically it was a shit show of epic proportions engineered pridefully by then HP CEO Carly Fiorina.

Fiorina would be ousted in 2005 after the Compaq deal's cancer spread throughout HP's entire operation and the company's share price was 41.33% below the value it held when she took over.

So when Ted Cruz announced that Carly would be his VP pick for a general election run that will almost certainly never occur, it made some sense that Senator Barbara Boxer - who saw the HP/Compaq deal strip her home state of California of 30,00 jobs - would snarkily tweet this:

Sick Boxer burn.

But Carly Fiorina doesn't cotton to people pointing out her mistakes, choosing instead to keep forging ahead. Like how after getting shoved out at HP, she ran unsuccessfully against Boxer for her US Senate seat. And like how after getting crushed in that Senate run decided to run even more unsuccessfully for President. And like how failing to even make an impact in the GOP primary she is now running for VP on a ticket that only exists in the minds of the people on that ticket.

So it makes sense that Carly responded to Boxer's tweet by saying this:

Pushing back against criticism of her business record, former Hewlett-Packard Co. Chief Executive Carly Fiorina said Thursday that the company’s acquisition of Compaq Computer was “the most successful merger in high tech history.”

No, no, no...let her finish.

“It saved a company and created 80,000 jobs. But not that Barbara Boxer would understand that, since all she has ever done is be a professional politician,” Ms. Fiorina said on Fox.

Spitting that Fiorina fire!

And Boxer better listen up because if "professional politicians" are out of fashion, then provenly inept and amateurish ones like Carly Fiorina must be increasingly popular. In fact the only thing that Carly sucks at more than politics is making high-stakes business deals.

Carly Fiorina Says Compaq Deal ‘Most Successful Merger in High-Tech History’ [WSJ]


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