Ted Cruz Joining Forces With Famed Merger Expert Carly Fiorina

Carly Fiorina is up for another job she'll never get.

We all see the numbers.


Ted Cruz is getting crushed out there by a seemingly unhinged developer who treats TelePrompters like suggestion boxes. It's a desperate time that calls for desperate measures.

And Ted has decided that the best way to make a miracle is to go out and get Carly Fiorina to join his "I'm Not Losing Badly" kabuki theater review as his "Vice Presidential Pick." In a way Carly is a strange choice for this role as she's not won praise for her performances as "Wannabe Governor of California" or "Wannabe President." And perhaps her most panned effort is her ongoing role as "I Was A Successful CEO at Hewlett-Packard."

She was not.

In fact, when Ted touts Carly as one of the most impressive female executives in the history of American business, he'll be speaking as honestly as he does when he says that he can beat Trump.

But this is just starting, so let's see what happens. We're assuming that Carly is already hard at work putting her imprint on the campaign: "First, let's go buy JEB! for twice what he's asking. Then...do you have 30,000 campaign staffers that we can fire?"