$$$ AIG Said to Boost U.S. TARP Recovery to 80% With Payment [Bloomberg] $$$ Trio of Deals Show IPO Strength [WSJ] $$$ Scrap Over Easing IPO Rules [WSJ] $$$ "The biggest recent change on Wall Street has been semantic, not substantive. The word 'client' has become Orwellian doublespeak. Goldman’s leaders talk uniformly about the importance of serving clients, but the firm’s salespeople know who is a client and who is a mere a counterparty." Frank Partnoy says sensible things about Muppetgate [FT] $$$ Fruit flies who strike out with the lady fruit flies drink to forget their troubles [NYT] $$$ Banks hike fees, cut costs to boost profits [Reuters] $$$ Glencore poised for joint bid for Viterra [FT] $$$ The New York Times paid executives multimillion dollar bonuses for achieving returns that were a fraction of its cost of capital, so that's kind of awkward [BreakingViews, via William Wright] $$$ Would you like some hyperbolic metaphors with your intimations of criminality? Enjoy! [Rolling Stone] $$$ "The Real Question re Goldman: Why doesn't Goldman have its employees sign non-disclosure agreements?" I know, right? [Credit Slips]

$$$ Schapiro Questions Role of High-Frequency Traders [WSJ] $$$ Morgan Stanley veterans plan advisory boutique Dean Bradley Osborne or DBO Partners [FT] $$$ Charlie Gasparino: Preet Bharara plans to profit from taking credit for insider trading prosecutions [FBN] $$$ New York Federal Reserve Said to Plan Sale of AIG-Linked Mortgage Bonds [Bloomberg] $$$ UWS lawyer's wife paid $42,388 so husband could meet Knicks' Lin, take home jersey [NYP] $$$ A leading private equity firm is looking for an Energy associate [eFinancial Careers]

Stress tests; Tech bubbles; The Millennial Whose Job Is to Taste Bourbon; Octopus escape artists; AND MORE.

$$$ U.K. Loses Top Aaa Rating From Moody’s as Growth Weakens [Bloomberg] $$$ Panic-driven austerity in the Eurozone and its implications [VoxEU] $$$ Judge extends freeze on account linked to Heinz trades [Reuters] $$$ "I asked ... if Citigroup had a policy of providing financial incentives to senior executives to encourage them to seek high-level federal jobs." [Bloomberg] $$$ "The bankrupt city of San Bernardino has hired a new city manager who, according to court filings, has twice declared personal bankruptcy ..." [Reuters] $$$ Pope Also Abandoning 1.5 Million People on Twitter [DI] $$$ Macquarie is looking for a structuring and risk management analyst for its energy markets division in Houston [DBCC] $$$ “Herbalife is bound by our self-regulatory code that prohibits [crimes]. Obviously, they wouldn’t be members of the association if we believed they were in violation.” [DealBook] $$$ Societe Generale planning CVA securitisation [Reuters] $$$ Don't Fix It, Call It a Risk Factor! [Credit Slips] $$$ Ex-SEC officials to risk council: Back off on money funds [Reuters] $$$ Resume includes "Drug dealer 2003-2005 small time supplier" [Gawker]

Hank Paulson tells China to be very afraid; Banks' first quarter trading revenue = cautious optimism; Slovakia telecom IPO comin' at ya; "Man rides 11 miles on hood of SUV in Pennsylvania"; and more.

Yahoo; Argentina; Banker prison; Airbnb offers bedroom submerged in Paris shark tank; and more.

$$$ Osborne lobbies Geithner on StanChart [FT] $$$ Carlyle to Acquire Asset Manager TCW From SocGen [WSJ] $$$ Goldman Cleared in Mortgage Investigation [DealBook] $$$ Manchester United prices IPO below range, valuing club at $2.3 billion [Reuters] $$$ DC Man Orders TV From Amazon, Gets Assault Rifle Instead [USAT] $$$ A New York boutique firm is looking for a special situation analyst to analyze its special situations [DBCC] $$$ Yahoo May Reverse Alibaba Cash Plans [WSJ] $$$ Chesapeake Energy in U.S. antitrust probe [Reuters] $$$ U.S. Text Messaging Champion Is $50,000 Richer [BW] $$$ Naked Man Covered in Crisco Told Police He was ‘Looking for a Place to Party’ [Gawker]

Fed accidentally releases confidential info; Square to go public; Funds holding gold net-short position; "An Ohio woman whose house was damaged by a fire said she believes her 'cousin' set the fire intentionally because 'he can't get with' her"; and more.