$$$ Doubts Rise Over EU Bank Metrics [WSJ] $$$ Race to save euro will follow ‘Grexit’ [FT / Willem Buiter] $$$ Falcone’s Harbinger Capital Turns To Dell’s MSD For Loan [Bloomberg] $$$ Oracle CEO Larry Ellison buys Hawaii island known for pineapples, Bill Gates' wedding [CNN] $$$ "As my closest family and friends, it is important to me set the record straight on some of book’s major inaccuracies." Kerry Killinger appears to be illiterate. [DealBook] $$$ British school calls police to remove pupil 'obsessed' with studying [NYP via DI] $$$ The Decathlon is now open to teams of 3, competing for the title of "Wall Street's Fittest Firm" - sign up today [The Decathlon] $$$ A New Jersey asset management firm is looking for a COO, if you're interested [DBCC] $$$ Red flag at popular Alerian MLP Index ETN [Investment News] $$$ Constellation Brands executives get paid partly in free booze [Footnoted.com] $$$ Does The CFA Exam Waste A Billion Dollars? [BDC Review] $$$ The Terrifying Sex Organs of Male Turtles [io9]

$$$ Dell Shares Surge After Report of Possible Buyout [DealBook] $$$ Herbalife Rises to Highest Price Since Ackman Pyramid Allegation [Bloomberg] $$$ Guy prefers startups to banking [Pando Daily] $$$ Obama Said to Consider Morgan Stanley’s Porat at Treasury [Bloomberg] $$$ Nudists Seek Corporate Sponsor Looking for Greater Exposure [WSJ] $$$ A multi family office is looking for a senior private banker to cover LatAm markets or US onshore clients from Miami [DBCC] $$$ Skowron Fights Bank $$$ "Bank robbers have made off with an unknown amount of loot after digging a 100-foot tunnel into a Berlin bank from a nearby parking garage. To get into the building, they broke through two concrete walls. Police have no leads." [Der Spiegel] $$$ The Wall Street Journal Has Bedbugs [DI] $$$ Holy Crap, These Dogs Interrupting A Soccer Match Are Adorable [Deadspin]

$$$ Inside a Star Hedge Fund: Lots of Big Bets, Built Fast [WSJ] $$$ Fed pushes banks to ignore rivals when setting bonuses [Reuters] $$$ JPMorgan Board Backs CEO Dimon as Chairman, Pays Zames More [Bloomberg] $$$ The Senate Drafts the SEC's Case Against JPMorgan [BBW] $$$ "A J.P. Morgan Chase employee climbed onstage at a black-tie dinner held on Wall Street Thursday night and accepted an award on behalf of the embattled bank for 'best crisis management.' ... Kathy Hu, an executive director in J.P. Morgan’s investor relations department, accepted the award and quipped: 'Can I just say, "Crisis? What crisis?"' J.P. Morgan beat out nominees Chevron Corp., which struggled with a refinery fire last year, and St. Jude Medical Inc., which battled heart-device problems." [Deal Journal] $$$ Pope calls Argentine kiosk owner to cancel paper delivery [CNA] $$$ Hey, Let Harvard Alumni Have Their Fun This Morning [DI] $$$ Deutsche Bank mulls raising fixed pay to counter EU bonus rules [Reuters] $$$ Judges’ Spat Strikes a Chord Among Deal Makers [DealBook] $$$ "Now some distressed debt investors get to find out what exactly it is you buy when you buy American-issued debt in a company incorporated in the Cayman Islands and doing business in China. I suspect the answer will be 'not much.'" [DealBook] $$$ "Henry Blodget is, in all seriousness, an artist of the internet whose methods should be studied and analyzed for future generations." [Gawker] $$$ "Finally I should note that the rectal gonorrhoea is the reason for my odour." Investment research! [Bronte Capital]

$$$ Goldman Reviewing Conflicts Policies for M&A Bankers [WSJ] $$$ Sprint Terminates Network Deal With Falcone’s LightSquared [Bloomberg] $$$ Deutsche Bank board appointment blocked [FT] $$$ Maybe Peter Henning thinks inside information obtained in AA meetings gets a free pass under securities laws? [DealBook, earlier] $$$ Shining Shoes Best Way Wall Street Women Outearn Men [Bloomberg] $$$ A $2 billion relative value hedge fund is looking for a credit trader in New York [DBCC] $$$ That thing about Apple's Foxconn slave laborers was fake [Marketplace] $$$ Billionaire index arbitrage [Felix Salmon / Reuters] $$$ Andrew Ross Sorkin is the most influential financial journalist; Zero Hedge's Tyler Durden tied for tenth [Talking Biz News] $$$ "Many under-30 tech entrepreneurs see the paper rectangles as an anachronism, so they are turning to digital options. About 85 million people manage their professional networks with LinkedIn. Some 77 million smartphone users have downloaded the Bump app, which allows them to bump their phones together and instantly exchange contact information." Business cards are passé among 20something tech nerds. [Chicago Tribune] $$$ A (human) BusinessWeek writer did a taste test of gourmet dog food [BW] $$$ But what will happen with St. Kitts and Nevis CDS? [FTAV]

S&P cuts big banks; Hedge fund redemptions coming; "New York politician offers $1,000 to find subway-halting cat"; and more.

$$$ EXCLUSIVE: Here's The Inside Story Of What Happened On The Facebook IPO [BI / Henry Blodget] $$$ "A senior Nasdaq Stock Market official told customers Tuesday afternoon that it would have pulled the plug on Facebook Inc.'s initial public offering had it known the full extent of the technical problems that plagued its systems." [WSJ] $$$ Occupy Wall Street Alternative Banking Group Files Amicus Brief on Side of Judge Rakoff in SEC v. Citigroup; the brief is very clever [NC] $$$ A former high frequency trader proposes eliminating the subpenny rule [Chris Stucchio] $$$ Auction of Reagan's Blood Sparks Outrage [Reuters] $$$ Prudential Capital is looking for an investment associate in Chicago/Minneapolis [DBCC] $$$ At Hearing, Regulators Discuss JPMorgan Investigation [DealBook] $$$ Zuckerberg’s Property Status, Post-Marriage [NYT] $$$ Disclosure by Short-Sellers Would Improve Market Clarity [DealBook / Steven Davidoff] $$$ "A Silicon Valley tech executive faces charges after authorities say he put fake bar codes on hundreds of Lego sets at various Target stores so he could buy the toys at steeply discounted prices, then sell them online for thousands of dollars in profits." [AP]

$$$ Buffett Picks His ‘Bear’ for Annual Meeting [DealBook] $$$ Wall Street’s latest idea: collateral transformation [FT] $$$ Nasdaq executing trades at a loss [FT] $$$ "Las Vegas Sands is disputing reports out late Friday that it likely violated the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act," even though those reports included its own 10-K [CNBC] $$$ Mike Mayo has a lot to say about not being invited to meetings and stuff [CNBC] $$$ Fake bishop sneaks into Vatican meeting with 100 real cardinals [NYDN] $$$ Susquehanna is looking for operations analysts in New York [DBCC] $$$ The Effect of Underreporting on LIBOR Rates [St. Louis Fed] $$$ Big redemptions unlikely if Avenue loses Lasry to Parisian embassy [HFI] $$$ Icahn Foe Rachesky Joins Mentor Attack on Navistar [Bloomberg] $$$ The M&A pickup [FTAV] $$$ 'Batman' brings in suspect to Bradford police [BBC]

Inside Traders Look to U.S. Supreme Court for Redemption; Deutsche cutting 1/2 of Brazil team; Fed holds line; Customs says man smuggled live birds in fanny pack, groin of pants; and more.